Twihards might like it: one of the many parodies in Vampires Suck
A NOTE ON genealogy: Vampires Suckis the bastard spawn of the Scary Movieimprint, a franchise that has come to provide a large, unlovely golf umbrella for everything from the Wayans Brothers School of Knockabout Parody ( Scary Movie, Dance Flick) to occasional Red State outbursts from David Zucker ( My Big Fat Important Movie).
Vampires Suck, however, is the work of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the known perpetrators behind Date Movie, Epic Movieand Meet the Spartans, films that may, according to some biblical scholars, be referenced in the Book of Revelations and certain translations of the Apocrypha.
To be fair, this latest effort is a far more endearing piece of work than the rest of the ghastly sequence. Indeed, Vampires Suckis so incestuously intertwined with the Twilightfilms it seeks to lampoon that it can be hard to tell if it's a spoof or an unofficial remake.
In this spirit, Jenn Proske provides a brilliantly observed performance as an ersatz Kirsten Stewart. An awkward teen whose hair is perennially in need of tucking behind the ear, our heroine seldom speaks out when a mumble toward her feet will suffice. Still, despite her apparent awkwardness, or perhaps because of it, when she moves to Sporks to live with her estranged father, our girl soon comes to the attention of soulful vampire Edward (Matt Lanter) and boyish werewolf Jacob (Christopher N Riggi) and, well, you know the rest.
Inevitably, the Twihards depicted in the opening scene massacring one another in the name of Teams Edward and Jacob are the punters who will derive
the most pleasure from this facsimile. Less intellectually gifted consumers, meanwhile, can find amusement in the film's entirely random references to pop culture. Ha. They just said Kardasian/ American Idol/Real Housewives of Atlanta– delete as appropriate. Congratulations. You get jokes.
As far as this franchise goes, it hardly matters: they've been trading on the "comedy" of recognition since the get-go. Twihards, however, must now face terrible truths regarding the vampire vogue and saturation. If the Scary Moviepeople have come a-calling, a stake through the heart of their beloved genre can't be far behind.
It’s official. Vampires do indeed suck.
