Noel and Paula McHugh have been married for 20 years and have three children, Conor (17), Elizabeth (13) and John (8). Paula is a marriage counsellor with Accord and Noel, who works in financial services, is an Accord facilitator. Together they work with other couples to tease out issues that can make or break a marriage. As a couple, they have been through tough times and come through the other side. They have five main tips for parents who want to keep their marriages healthy during the child-rearing years.

Time together: "Our plan is to go out `together' once a week, but that is not always feasible, so we settle for as often as possible. We always reserve every Friday or Saturday night to have dinner and a bottle of wine, even if it's just a Chinese take-away at home, which it usually is. For the past two years, we have gone hill-walking together, just the two of us."

Our relationship first: "When dealing with family issues, it is good to think of our children as being on loan to us rather than owned by us. We make sure that our children see us co-parenting, working together as a unit on decisionmaking on issues that effect them."

A hug a day: "It's very important to keep physical contact alive on a daily basis through thick and thin, and in front of the children - not in a fake or performed way, but through genuine affection. This acts as a great form of encouragement and affirmation of each other."

Handling challenges and low points: "We hit a low point after the birth of our first child. All the pressures of combining our new roles as parents with our careers outside the home took its toll, and we drifted apart emotionally. We found getting involved with a couples support group to be a beneficial mechanism for keeping our relationship alive and communication open. Ten years later we joined Accord, not just to help others but for our own benefit as well. If you are having tough times, seek out support from local sources of counselling and marriage support."

Helpful telephone numbers:

Accord, Catholic Marriage Counselling Service. In Dublin, call (01) 4784400. Outside Dublin, check area directories.

Marriage and Relationships Counselling Centre, Dublin (01) 6799341.

Family Therapy and Counselling Centre, Ranelagh (01) 4971188.