Women have moved from kitchen to boardroom, but a recent survey suggests both men and women prefer working for a man. Why? Fionola Meredith reports

Being unloved comes with the territory when you're a boss. You can become the focus of employees' darkest loathings, borne of frustration, resentment and envy. In a recent survey by IrishJobs.ie one third of Irish workers describe their relationship with their boss as "almost unbearable", while another third are less than satisfied.

But what if the boss is a woman? She's even less likely to be appreciated by her staff. A recent Gallup poll of 22 countries shows women throughout the world overwhelmingly prefer a male boss. Only in India did women prefer working for female bosses. Meanwhile, a British poll showed that, among those who expressed a preference, 77 per cent of women and 60 per cent of men surveyed said they would rather have a male boss.

Do these surveys indicate that gradual increases in socio-economic parity have failed to convince both men and women that leadership is now a viable role for both sexes? After all, there are relatively few women blazing a trail in higher management roles. A 2002 survey by the Irish Business Employers' Confederation (IBEC) found that while Irish women are catching up at junior management level (accounting for 45 per cent of employees), at middle management level, the figure stands at 30 per cent, falling to just 20 per cent at senior management level. Fewer than one in 10 chief executives is a woman.

And yet the special qualities that many women bring to leadership roles have long been praised by employment specialists. In her book, The Female Advantage, Sally Helgesen writes, "Women are better at seeing the human side, quicker to cut through competitive distinctions of hierarchy and ranking, [ and are] impatient with cumbersome protocols."

Eileen Slattery, marketing manager at Waterford Stanley, which supplies domestic cooking and heating products, agrees. "Being a woman means that you empathise more; you bring an emotional intelligence to what you do. All of my business is about building relationships - with colleagues, with my boss, with suppliers. The empathy that most women show towards others really helps here. In fact, that might be the reason why so many women don't progress to senior management roles - they're not ruthless enough."

Claire Grace is product manager at the same firm, and is a key member of Slattery's team. Grace is equally enthusiastic about women's management capabilities, and believes women are particularly proficient at dealing with the emotional dimension of workplace relationships. But that's not all. "Women bosses are tougher; they're strong. They've had to battle to get through the system, and they know what it's like, so they'll support you. There's a lot of mutual respect. Throughout my career, all the most confident, capable, inspirational people I have come across, have been women. In general, women bosses are more on the ball. They're great at micro-managing and multi-tasking. I just think they're brilliant - they bring a lot to the party."

But if women bosses are brimming with even-handed bonhomie, why do so many women hate working for another woman? Ironically, it's in the almost exclusively female environment of women's organisations that the most outspoken discontent may be found.

Kath (35) has worked in women's organisations throughout her career, and she's thoroughly disillusioned. "So often in women's organisations, the agenda is all about power and control - it really is endemic. It makes me sad - you fall into the trap of high expectations when you join an organisation that aims to support and empower women. You expect warmth, sensitivity and understanding.

"But the personal and the professional get hopelessly blurred, and then the back-biting and bitching start. It's awful, because these are the worst stereotypes about women. So much of it goes on under the surface; it's not upfront. A bloke would just challenge you there and then if he had a problem with your work. But here, you're belittled, you're talked down to. It's emotional and it's messy; it's the worst kind of working environment. Sometimes you feel as though your character is being assassinated."

But if so many women join apparently feminist organisations with such heightened sisterly expectations, what goes wrong? Kath says, "I believe it's about thwarted female power expressed in a distorted way. It's a kind of frustrated self-loathing. Women still don't feel powerful, secure and confident in society as a whole, but when they enter organisations like these, they get hold of a little bit of power and they cling bitterly to it. It's not about being free, powerful women. The women who do this aren't empowered, they're just in power. There's a huge difference."

Her view of being harassed by female bosses is echoed by experts on bullying. Vivette O'Donnell, who founded the Campaign Against Bullying Ireland in 1983, points out, "Although statistically women and men are equally likely to bully if they are the boss, I've had a lot of clients over the years - both male and female - whose worst experience was with a woman boss. I think that it's partly because in order for women to succeed, they have to become more hard-hearted, more ruthless. It's as if they have to kill off the softer, nurturing side of their nature in order to satisfy their ambition."

Leora Tanenbaum, the author of Catfight: Rivalries Among Women, an exploration of female competitiveness, found, "Working women are expected to be aggressive and masculine. Worried about being perceived as a mediocre or incompetent worker, many women go out of their way to prove they are not too emotional or passive, and can be more aggressive and demanding than any man." She also discovered that professional women were often hardest on their own sex. "Many professional women confess they prefer male rather than female supervisors. They complain that women at work refuse to share power, or withhold information, or are too concerned about receiving credit for every little thing they accomplish, or are cold toward (male and female) underlings. In such complaints they use the word 'bitch' a lot."

Dr Hazlett Lynch, founder of the Campaign Against Workplace Bullying Northern Ireland, describes women bullies as "devils in skirts". He believes women bully differently: "Women bullies are more covert. They use dirty looks, cold-shouldering and cleverly-devised putdowns. And female bullying is on the increase. It's particularly rife in the teaching and nursing professions, where there's a particularly high number of women in senior management positions."

A 2004 study by leading psychologist Dr Noreen Tehrani of 165 professionals in the caring sector, including nurses and social workers, claims: "Female bullies favour a strictly psychological approach to inflicting pain on others such as gossip and persistent criticism". Lynch believes that women bullies generally target almost as many male as female staff.

There's a strong perception that in order to overcome numerous cultural and institutional obstacles, and to achieve respect and status in the workplace, women have had to become latterday Lady Macbeths, utterly "unsexed" and "filled from the crown to the toe top-full of direst cruelty".

Lynch says, "Some women have become so career-minded that they'll walk over anyone's skull to get where they want to be. But while it is essential to identify and tackle workplace harassment whatever the gender of the bully, it is equally vital not to fall into the trap of characterising all female bosses as potentially ruthless and vindictive she-devils. Women have long been held back by such damning and reductive epithets, and it would be a desperately regressive step if the actions of women who abuse their power, were used to impede the progress of the many female bosses who motivate and inspire their employees."