GROTESQUE UNBELIEVABLE BIZARRE UNPRECEDENTED

... From the world's dirtiest joke to zombies in Dublin suburbia, and from springtime for Hitler to penguins on the march, it…

. . . From the world's dirtiest joke to zombies in Dublin suburbia, and from springtime for Hitler to penguins on the march, it's time to put all that summer schlock behind you and plunge into the best part of the year for interesting, provocative and, yes, even intelligent movies. Michael Dwyer provides the definitive a-z of all the big releases between now and Christmas (it's not that far away, you know)

THE ADVENTURES OF ARSÈNE LUPIN Romain Duris plays the eponymous jewel thief and master of disguise in Jean-Paul Salomé's lavish treatment of the much-filmed French swashbuckling tale. With Kristin Scott Thomas. Sep 9

AEON FLUX Charlize Theron plays an underground assassin in this hi-tech futuristic action movie from Girlfight director Karyn Kusama. With Frances McDormand, Jonny Lee Miller and Sophie Okenedo. Dec 30

THE ARISTOCRATS What is claimed to be the dirtiest joke ever told is performed with many variations by dozens of comedians in this documentary tracing the history and shock value of the gag. Sep 9

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ASYLUM David Mackenzie's film of a Patrick McGrath novel, adapted by Patrick Marber and partly shot in Dublin, is set in 1959 when a bored woman (Natasha Richardson) has a secret affair with a patient (Martin Czokas) at a high security institution. With Ian McKellen. Sep 9

BATTLE IN HEAVEN/BATALLA IN EL CIELO Carlos Reygadas, the Mexican director of Japón, features a non-professional cast and several graphic sex scenes in this tale centred on a working-class couple who kidnap a friend's baby. Oct 28

THE BEAT THAT MY HEART SKIPPED/DE BATTRE MON COEUR S'EST ARRÊTÉ Imaginative French director Jacques Audiard remakes James Toback's 1978 Fingers with Romain Duris in the Harvey Keitel role, as an aspirant concert pianist drawn into his father's seedy underworld life. Nov 4

BEE SEASON Co-directors Scott McGehee and David Siegel follow Suture and The Deep End with the story of a schoolgirl (Flora Cross) who makes the finals of a national spelling bee and the disintegrating marriage of her parents (Richard Gere and Juliette Binoche). Nov 25

BOY EATS GIRL Zombies prowl the suburbs of Dublin in Stephen Bradley's comedy-horror movie starring Samantha Mumba and David Leon, and scripted by Dead Bodies writer Derek Landy. Sep 23

BROKEN FLOWERS Jim Jarmusch's charming, touching road movie features a droll, impassive Bill Murray as a confirmed bachelor revisiting women from his past - Sharon Stone, Jessica Lange, Frances Conroy and Tilda Swinton - when he learns he has a 19-year-old son. Oct 21

THE BROTHERS GRIMM Terry Gilliam's take on the storytellers (Matt Damon and Heath Ledger) presents them as conmen pretending to cast out demons until a sorceress (Monica Bellucci) confronts them with a genuine supernatural threat. Nov/Dec

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE Shrek director Andrew Adamson's film of the CS Lewis story follows four London children through a magic wardrobe into the mystical land of Narnia, where animals talk and the evil White Witch (Tilda Swinton) maintains a permanent winter. Dec 9

THE CHUMSCRUBBER Discovering the body of his suicidal best friend triggers a series of problems for a brooding Californian teen (Jamie Bell) in this US indie featuring Rory Culkin, Glenn Close, Ralph Fiennes and Allison Janney. Dec 7

CINDERELLA MAN Russell Crowe plays Depression-era boxer Jim Braddock in a biopic directed by Ron Howard. With Renee Zellweger and Paul Giamatti. Sep 16

THE CONSTANT GARDENER City of God director Fernando Meirelles brings John Le Carré's novel to the screen with Ralph Fiennes cast as the British diplomat investigating the murder of his wife (Rachel Weisz) in Kenya. Nov 11

DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO The talent-free zone that is Rob Schneider reprises his role as a moronic, unlikely stud in a sequel taking him to Amsterdam. Produced by Adam Sandler. Sep 30

DOMINO Keira Knightley plays actor Laurence Harvey's daughter, Domino, who switched her occupation from model to bounty hunter. With Mena Suvari, Lucy Liu, Mickey Rourke and Christopher Walken. Directed by Tony Scott. Oct 14

DOOM A special forces unit is called into action when problems are reported from a research station on Mars in this science-fiction thriller starring The Rock. Oct 28

DREAMER: INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY Kurt Russell plays a racehorse trainer determined to save the life of an injured filly in a family drama with Dakota Fanning, Kris Kristofferson, Elisabeth Shue and Freddy Rodriguez. Oct 21

ELIZABETHTOWN Cameron Crowe directs Orlando Bloom as a sacked athletic footwear executive and Kirsten Dunst as the flight attendant he meets on a plane to the eponymous Kentucky town. With Susan Sarandon and Alec Baldwin. Nov 4

EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED Actor Liev Schreiber's directorial debut about a young Jewish American (Elijah Wood) seeking the woman who saved his grandfather from the Nazis in a Ukrainian town. Dec 9

THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE Laura Linney plays a lawyer defending a priest (Tom Wilkinson) accused of negligent homicide during an exorcism in this blending of psychological thriller and courtroom drama. Nov 25

FACTOTUM Matt Dillon plays an aimless, hard-drinking drifter in this Charles Bukowski adaptation from Bent Hamer, the Norwegian director of Kitchen Stories. With Lili Taylor and Marisa Tomei. Nov 18

THE FAMILY STONE Claire Danes, Diane Keaton, Rachel McAdams, Sarah Jessica Parker, Luke Wilson and Dermot Mulroney star in a comedy about a family thrown into turmoil when their son brings his uptight fiancée home for Christmas. Dec 2

FLIGHTPLAN In a thriller set aboard a flight from Berlin to New York, Jodie Foster is a grieving widow whose sanity is challenged when she claims her young daughter has vanished on the plane. With Peter Sarsgaard and Sean Bean. Oct 28

FOUR BROTHERS Mark Wahlberg stars in John Singleton's modern reworking of The Sons of Katie Elder, in which four adopted brothers seek revenge on the thugs who murdered their foster mother (Fionnula Flanagan). Sep 30

LE GRAND VOYAGE Generational and cultural conflicts crackle when a strict Muslim (Mohamed Majd) and his westernised adult son (Nicolas Cazalé) embark on a 3,000-mile car journey from France to Mecca in an absorbing road movie. Oct 14

GREEN STREET Elijah Wood plays an expelled Harvard student caught up in football hooliganism in London. With Charlie Hunnam and Marc Warren. Sep 9

GUY X American Pie alumnus Jason Biggs plays a GI stumbling onto a US government cover-up in late 1970s Greenland in this political black comedy. Oct 14

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE Ralph Fiennes (as Lord Voldemort), Brendan Gleeson (Prof Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody) and Miranda Richardson (Rita Skeeter) join the series regulars for the fourth instalment. Mike Newell takes over as director. Nov 18

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE David Cronenberg's gripping, morally complex drama features Viggo Mortensen as a man struggling to put his violent past behind him. With Maria Bello, Ed Harris and William Hurt. Sep 30

HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE Japanese director Hayao Miyazaki follows the splendid Spirited Away with an animated feature in which a witch's curse transforms a shy 18-year-old hat maker into a 90-year-old woman. Sep 23

HUSTLE & FLOW Terrence Howard (from Crash) plays a Memphis pimp who dreams of rap stardom in this US indie. Nov 11

ICE HARVEST The Christmas Eve weather plays havoc with a financial scam in this comedy-thriller featuring John Cusack, Billy Bob Thornton and Connie Nielsen. Dec 2

IN HER SHOES The new film from director Curtis Hanson (LA Confidential, 8 Mile) is a comedy-drama of the clash between two sisters (Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette) with very different personalities. Nov 11

INNOCENCE Lucile Hadzihalilovic's first feature, based on an 1888 novella by Frank Wedekind, is set at a remote and mysterious French boarding school for young girls. Oct 7

INTO THE BLUE Four treasure-hunting divers get out of their depth when they discover a sunken plane with illegal cargo. Paul Walker, Jessica Alba and Scott Caan head the cast. Oct 21

THE INTRUDER/L'INTRUS In the new Claire Denis film, Michel Subor plays an ageing man whose quest for a new heart takes him from Geneva to Korea and Tahiti. Nov 16

JUST LIKE HEAVEN Mark Ruffalo plays a lonely architect who falls in love with the spirit of the doctor (Reese Witherspoon) who lived in his apartment. The tagline for this romcom from Mean Girls director Mark Waters is: "It's a wonderful afterlife." Nov 25

KEEPING MUM Comedy yarn with Rowan Atkinson as a pastor so preoccupied with writing the perfect sermon that he doesn't notice his wife (Kristin Scott Thomas) is having an affair. With Maggie Smith and Patrick Swayze. Dec 2

THE KING In James Marsh's disturbing Texas drama, Gael Garcia Bernal plays a former US Navy recruit seeking the father he never met - an evangelist played by William Hurt. Nov 11

KING KONG Peter Jackson's mega-budget treatment of the 1933 classic is the most hotly anticipated remake in years. Naomi Watts, Adrien Brody and Jack Black head the eclectic cast. Dec 16

KING'S GAME/KONGEKABALE Nicolaj Arcel's taut, highly topical Danish political thriller throws a journalist into the succession battle between a liberal candidate and her sinister rival for party leadership. Sep 23

KINKY BOOTS Chiwetel Ejiofor plays a transvestite dancer who comes to the rescue of a declining English shoe factory in this comedy co-starring Joel Edgerton. Nov 4

KISS KISS, BANG BANG Lethal Weapon screenwriter Shane Black turns director with a tongue-in-cheek thriller featuring Robert Downey Jr as a thief-turned-actor and Val Kilmer as a gay detective. Nov 11

LAND OF THE DEAD The fourth instalment in George Romero's zombie cycle features Simon Baker, John Leguizamo and Dennis Hopper. Sep 23

LASSIE The collie returns for an adventure shot largely in Ireland, directed by Charles Sturridge, and starring Samantha Morton, Peter O'Toole and Peter Dinklage. Dec 16

THE LEGEND OF ZORRO Antonio Banderas returns in the title role, reuniting with his co-star Catherine Zeta-Jones and director Martin Campbell from The Mask of Zorro (1998). Oct 28

THE LONGEST YARD Robert Aldrich's gritty 1974 movie, remade in the UK as The Mean Machine, gets another reworking with Adam Sandler coaching fellow convicts for a football game. With James Cromwell, Chris Rock, Nelly and from the original, Burt Reynolds. Sep 9

LORD OF WAR Gattaca director Andrew Niccol's action-thriller is set in the world of international arms dealing and features Nicolas Cage, Ethan Hawke and Jared Leto. Oct 14

LORDS OF DOGTOWN Catherine Hardwicke, who made Thirteen, directs a picture of the Californian surfers who pioneered skateboarding in the 1970s. With Emile Hirsch and Heath Ledger. Sep 16

MAD HOT BALLROOM This documentary deals with pre-teens from three New York public schools as they prepare for a ballroom dancing tournament. Nov 25

THE MAN Samuel L Jackson plays a US agent who mistakes a loquacious salesman (Eugene Levy) for the murderer of his partner in this action-comedy. Sep 9

MANDERLAY In Lars von Trier's trying sequel to Dogville, again shot on a visually boring soundstage with minimal props, Bryce Dallas Howard replaces Nicole Kidman as protagonist Grace, now naively tackling slavery in the US in the 1930s. Nov 4

MARCH OF THE PENGUINS Fahrenheit 9/11 is the only documentary to fare better in the US than this film following Emperor penguins on their annual journey to a breeding ground in Antarctica. Morgan Freeman is our narrator. Dec 16

THE MATADOR Pierce Brosnan plays a professional assassin drawing a morose businessman (Greg Kinnear) into his messy life and work in a blackly comic psychodrama. Nov 25

MERRY CHRISTMAS/JOYEUX NOEL Christian Carion's deeply moving anti-war picture charts the 24-hour truce agreed by opposing troops in the trenches on Christmas Eve, 1914. With Daniel Bruhl, Guillaume Canet, Gary Lewis and Diane Kruger. Dec 16

MRS HENDERSON PRESENTS Judi Dench plays the eccentric founder of London's Windmill Theatre, which staged a "nude revue" that caused a sensation in the late 1930s. With Bob Hoskins, Christopher Guest, Ricky Gervais and singer Will Young. Directed by Stephen Frears. Nov tbc

THE MOGULS Jeff Bridges plays a man facing a midlife crisis and, as one does, encouraging his friends to team up for a porn movie. Nov 11

MURDERBALL A documentary on highly competitive US paraplegics engaged in tough, fast-paced games of wheelchair rugby. Nov 4

MUST LOVE DOGS Must love chick flicks too, perhaps, to fancy this tale of a 40-year-old divorced teacher (Diane Lane) reluctantly back on the dating circuit and meeting a hopeless romantic (John Cusack). Sep 16

NANNY McPHEE Doubling as screenwriter and star, Emma Thompson plays a governess drawing on magical powers to rein in her charges. With Colin Firth and Angela Lansbury. Directed by Kirk Jones, who made Waking Ned. Oct 21

THE NEW WORLD Colin Farrell plays 17th-century explorer John Smith with newcomer Q'Orianka Kilcher as Pocahontas in what's just the fourth film in 32 years from Badlands director Terrence Malick. With Christian Bale. Nov 11

NIGHT WATCH/NOCHNOY DOZOR A huge hit in Russia, Timur Bekmambetov's ambitious hi-tech thriller centres on a battle between the forces of good and evil in present-day Moscow. Oct 7

OLIVER TWIST Having won an Oscar for The Pianist, Roman Polanski offers a fresh look at the Dickens classic and a redemptive view of Fagin, played by Ben Kingsley. Oct 7

PAVEE LACKEEN Perry Ogden effectively blends documentary and fictional drama in his quietly powerful picture of a young Traveller living with her family in a roadside trailer in Dublin. Nov 4

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE Keira Knightley plays Elizabeth Bennet with Spooks star Matthew Macfadyen as Mr Darcy in Joe Wright's new treatment of the Jane Austen novel. Sep 16

PRIMER Winner of the top prize at Sundance last year, Shane Carruth's no-budget picture involves entrepreneurial young men accidentally inventing a time-travel machine. Sep 16

THE PRODUCERS The movie of the stage musical of the 1967 Mel Brooks movie stars Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. Susan Stroman, who directed them in the smash hit Broadway production, is at the helm. Dec 26

PROOF Gwyneth Paltrow plays a woman fearing she has inherited insanity from her mathematician father in John Madden's film of David Auburn's award-winning play. With Anthony Hopkins, Hope Davis and Jake Gyllenhaal. Dec 30

THE PROPOSITION Guy Pearce, Emily Watson, Ray Winstone and John Hurt star in a western set in 19th-century Australia and scripted by singer Nick Cave. Nov 25

RAG TALE Irish writer-director Mary McGuckian's satire on tabloid newspapers features Rupert Graves, Malcolm McDowell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Simon Callow, Bill Paterson, Lucy Davis and Kerry Fox. Oct 14

REVOLVER After the debacle that was Swept Away, Guy Ritchie returns to his familiar milieu of guns'n'geezers, with Jason Statham as a gambler incurring the wrath of a mobster (Ray Liotta). Sep 22

ROCK SCHOOL This documentary charts the progress of the students at a Philadelphia academy for aspiring hard rock stars. Sep 9

SAW 2 More gore in a sequel to last year's most repellent movie. Oct 28

THE SECRET LIVES OF DENTISTS Alan Rudolph's 2002 serious comedy stars Campbell Scott as an introspective dentist who suspects his wife (Hope Davis) of infidelity. Sep 23

SECRET THINGS/LES CHOSES SECRETS Jean-Claude Brisseau, a protégé of Eric Rohmer, directs a picture of two struggling young French women opting to use sex to their advantage. Sep 9

SERENITY Josh Whedon, who devised Buffy the Vampire Slayer, makes his film debut as director with a spin-off from his short-lived but cultish TV series, Firefly, set 500 years in the future. Oct 7

SHOPGIRL Steve Martin stars in the movie of his own novella, as an older man vying with a struggling musician (Jason Schwartzman) for the attention of an aspiring artist (Claire Danes) who works in a department store. Dec 9

SKY HIGH In what sounds like a live action spin on The Incredibles, a 14-year-old boy enrols at an exclusive academy, where he struggles to emulate the feats of his superhero parents (Kurt Russell and Kelly Preston). Oct 21

STONED Having produced most of Neil Jordan's films, Steve Woolley turns director with a movie exploring the death of Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones (played by Leo Gregory), who drowned in 1969. Nov 11

TARA ROAD Andie McDowell, Olivia Williams, Iain Glen, Stephen Rea and Brenda Fricker head the cast of Gilles Mackinnon's film based on Maeve Binchy's best-seller, which deals with two women who swap homes in Ireland and the US when they reach an emotional crossroads in their lives. Oct 7

THUMBSUCKER Music video virtuoso Mike Mills directs his first feature, starring Lou Pucci as a 17-year-old student described as the very model of modern maladjustment. With Tilda Swinton, Keanu Reeves, Vince Vaughn. Oct 28

TICKETS Three veteran directors - Abbas Kiarostami, Ermanno Olmi and Ken Loach - contribute separate episodes to this movie set aboard a train travelling across Italy to Rome. Dec 2

TIM BURTON'S CORPSE BRIDE Burton's bride, Helena Bonham-Carter, voices the eponymous character, who lures a 19th-century villager (Johnny Depp) away from his wife (Emily Watson) and into the underworld in this stop-motion animated feature. Oct 21

TRANSPORTER 2 Jason Statham returns as the eponymous secret operative who is drawn out of retirement to do what a man's gotta do.Nov 18

WALLACE & GROMIT: THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT With just days to go to the local Giant Vegetable Competition, the enterprising duo's Anti-Pesto company is faced with the challenge of capturing the beast responsible for attacking the town's sacred vegetable plots. Oct 14

WHERE THE TRUTH LIES Atom Egoyan's time-shifting drama features Kevin Bacon and Colin Firth as a fictional singing comic duo who were hugely popular in the 1950s, until they became implicated in the murder of a hotel maid. Dec 2

THE WHITE COUNTESS The final film from the team of director James Ivory and recently deceased producer Ismail Merchant is based on a Kazuo Ishiguro screenplay and set in 1930s Shanghai, where a blind US diplomat (Ralph Fiennes) befriends a Russian countess (Natasha Richardson) working as a prostitute and taxi driver. Nov 25

WOLF CREEK Two young English students and a Sydney surfer encounter an ostensibly helpful bushman when their car breaks down in an Australian horror movie. Sep 16

Release dates are subject to change

DATES FOR YOUR DIARY

Sep 29-Oct 2: Stranger Than Fiction documentary festival, IFI, Dublin

Oct 6-8: Cork Short Film Symposium

Oct 9-16: 50th Cork Film Festival

Oct 20-23: Res Fest digital festival, IFI

Oct 24-30: Kerry Film Festival

Oct 27-31: Horrorthon Hallowe'en Film Festival, IFI

Nov 4: Asia Extreme, Tartan's new six-film season, kicks off at Cineworld, Dublin and tours to Gate, Cork (from Nov 11), Omniplex, Limerick (Nov 18) and The Eye, Galway (Nov 25)

Nov 5: Irish Film and Television Awards ceremony, Dublin

Nov 22-Dec 1: French Film Festival, IFI

THE MAN FOR THE SEASON

. . . And the award for most ubiquitous actor of the season goes to Ralph Fiennes, who features in four movies - The Constant Gardener, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, The White Countess and The Chumscrubber - and in the voice cast of another, Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit. If that's not enough for Fiennes fans, he stars in Brian Friel's The Faith Healer at the Gate in Dublin next February.