David Cox (37), self-employed businessman/managing director of Fragrances of Ireland. He ahs two children, Andrew (7) and Kate (4). His wife, Orna works full-time as a journalist.
Housework: We are both hopeless at it and do as little as possible. The childminder does some and we have someone who comes in once a week to do ironing and stuff like that. I do virtually all the shopping and about half of the cooking. I love gardening, so I score extremely well on that front.
Chores related to the children: I don't score highly on the clothes front, but I have the occasional flash of inspiration in that I'd always go to children's clothes shops when I'm away on business in the US. I do the lion's share of the bathing, hair-washing, putting to bed, reading to the children. Generally, we both work almost exactly the same amount of hours so we go on family outings together.
Bonding: Yes, I have a good bond with my children and I tell them often that I love them.
Household management: We have different relationships with our children, but we both interact directly with them. In terms of who decides what in the home, we're fairly equal. My wife, Orna, is better at making a happier home and I'm the typical male doing useful things - but there is some overlap. She's more the visionary type while I'm the foot soldier.
Fatherhood: Yes, it has completely changed my life. But, I often find myself rushed when I am practising it because I haven't allocated enough time in the day to it. Sometimes we put a greater emphasis on planning events with friends than doing things with the family.
Work: Yes, it does interfere with my time at home. But I get home at 6 p.m. every evening and I don't work late unless it is after the children are in bed. I'm luckier than most people because I work for myself. I'd be a very poor full-time childminder because if I didn't have a challenging job, I wouldn't be motivated generally. The balance is not perfect, but it's not too far off.
James Gavigan (35), a technology policy and strategy analyst based in Seville, Spain, currently holidaying here with his family with a view to moving back. He has four children, Daren (10), Alberto (8), Tadhg (8) and Carlos (6). His wife, Pepa, works part-time outside the home.
Housework: I'd do about 20 per cent of it. My wife, Pepa, does by far the most. However, I feel myself in a completely different role to my own father as my involvement in household activities is much more active.
Chores related to children: As women move out of the home, their husbands have to move back into it. I'm totally responsible for personal hygiene in our home - that means the children's showers, baths, teeth washing and all that sort of stuff. Pepa is the wardrobe person. And these systems have come about more by default than by design. Pepa does the cooking but when the children were younger, we shared the feeding routines. We always go on outings en masse to something that is suitable for everybody. In my work, we use a term called the mosiac society, which refers to the fragmentation of society and the change of focus from the eight-hour day to the 24-hour concept. There is more overlap in worlds which were heretofore separate worlds, and the involvement of both parents in household chores is an aspect of this new fragmentation.
Bonding: Yes, I have very good bonds with my children and yes, I tell them I love them often.
Household Management: Pepa delegates and I'm there as a foot soldier and I'll put myself completely in this position because she runs a good show which doesn't accommodate conflicting initiatives. No, she doesn't act as an intermediary but there are many situations where my opinion is conditional on what she says, or what went before between her and the children when I wasn't around. Children are always trying to play off on potential discrepancies and in such cases, what Pepa says prevails.
Fatherhood: Yes, it has completely, entirely and utterly changed my life. I perceive myself to be a very concerned father in the sense of making my whole life project (in terms of work, etc) oriented and construed for the good of the children for the few years that they can be influenced by the conditions we offer them. This doesn't account for the times when things break down, or when there are outbursts which may be contrary to my whole philosophy and much more to do with temperament. But the philosophical envelope is the reference one goes back to at these times.
Work: No, it doesn't interfere with my time at home or with our children. Travelling is the only thing I can't reduce to zero, but I do reduce it to a minimum. As Pepa has much more direct contact with the children, my arrival home - even if it is for the last five minutes of dinner - is a source of sanity which allows her to withdraw a bit.
Bernard Roche (46) is a retail/wholesale company director. He has one daughter, Emily who is nine months old. His wife, Geraldine, works in private practice as a physiotherapist.
Housework: I do 35 to 40 per cent of the housework. My wife would say it's closer to 30 per cent but when you include gardening, it's the former.
Chores related to the children: My wife deals with all the baby's clothes. She baths her, feeds her 70 per cent of the time and puts her to bed five days out of seven. We go together on family outings; except those to shopping malls, which I opt out of.
Bonding: I have a good bond with my daughter and I certainly tell her I love her although she can't understand the words yet. In fact, when she's upset, she gets all kind of sweet nothings whispered in her ear.
Household management: My wife does tend to step in if something is not being done - and she is more conscious of things needing to be done. Some of the routine chores I do, but the less regular ones, she does, or delegates. No, she doesn't act as a intermediary between my daughter and I, but she is the primary caretaker and picks up on things sooner regarding our daughter's needs. This is not my preference but something that has evolved. Generally, it suits me but sometimes I feel guilty that I should be closer to 50/50 in terms of what's done. When she's under pressure, I get the gee-up to even the score a bit.
Fatherhood: Yes, it has changed my life but I do feel I'm fairly relaxed about it. It's a gift and privilege to be a father and not something I take for granted. I find the whole experience of fatherhood very moving as I've come to it late in life. It's something that could have passed me by. I feel a great sense of excitement when I pick up my daughter from her minder's. Thankfully, I work regular hours. If I am occasionally out too early in the morning or home after she has gone to bed, I feel a sense of loss. Becoming a parent is a wonderfully centring experience and it cuts out a lot of the navel-gazing and wondering what life is about. Some of this change is due to being knackered, but there is also a deeper sense of focus changing from our generation to the next.
Work: No, it doesn't interfere with my home life or the time spent with my family.
Dr Robert Ryan (34) is a full-time GP. He has four children, Harriet (7), Lorcan (5), Fintan (3) and Isabella (8 months). His wife, Jacinta, is currently working full-time in the home.
Housework: Jacinta looks after the house, but when I'm there I help out on an basis. Then, I do my fair whack and I do the gardening as well.
Chores related to the children: Most of it is done by Jacinta, who is on a career break at the moment. But I get them dressed in the mornings and drop them to school and I bath them, get them ready for bed and read them stories in the evenings. I also bring them swimming and to their various activities. Bonding: Yes, I would like to think I have a good bond with my children and I tell them I love them every day.
Household management: I'd say that Jacinta makes sure things happen and are done and I have my certain roles to play. Yes, she's in charge but no, she doesn't act as a intermediary between my children and I. I'm happy that she is in the home for the children and I feel they benefit from the continuity and the presence of their mother. (This person could be their father, of course). I consider working in the home far more arduous than anything I do in the workplace and I respect her for doing it.
Fatherhood: Yes, it has absolutely, fundamentally and totally changed my life. Being a father is very important to me and I try to do my best at it.
Work: Naturally, my work interferes with time spent at home and with my children but I'm self-employed and work in a general practice and occupational health practice in town with colleagues who also have children. I'm fortunate in that I don't have to work nights or weekends, so outside the normal working hours, I am free to spend time with my children.
Gerry Cawley (41) is a landscape gardener. He has three children, Darren (13), Keith (10) and Marina (6). His wife, Myra, is full-time in the home.
Housework: To be honest, I don't do much of it. I don't get time as I'm working from 8.30 a.m. until 10 p.m. in the summer-time. But, if it's a wet day or a Sunday, I don't mind doing the dinner. In the winter-time, I finish at 5 p.m. and then, I do DIY jobs around the house.
Chores related to the children: When my wife, Myra was working outside the home, I helped the children do their homework, shower them and get them ready for bed. Since she is back full-time in the home, I don't do these things. But, when I'm there, I bring them swimming or out to their clubs in the evening time.
Bonding: Yes, I do have a very good bond with my children. And, yes I tell them I love them nearly every day. In my father's time, there was no such thing as that, you just had to know that you were loved.
Household management: We make the bigger decisions jointly but the everyday ones, Myra makes because she's at home with the children and she knows well herself what is right and what is wrong for them. She's more involved than I am with them in this way.
Fatherhood: Yes, it has changed my life in that I have more responsibility now. I have to keep working to bring in money for the family. I couldn't take a day off just because I felt like it. We have to pay for the children's education, their clothes, holidays and put something away for a rainy day. When you're single, you can go to the races, go down the country whenever you like. I hope I'm a good father to them. I try to teach them right from wrong and bring them up the best way I can. I don't give them pocket money, but Darren works with me during the summer and I pay him for that.
Work: Yes, it does interfere with my home life. I'd like to finish earlier but my work totally depends on the weather and you've got to make hay when the sun shines, as they say. I've always got to make up for the rainy days. When people want you, you've got to do the job for them. Every customer counts. I'd love to spend more time with my children and bring them to the beach and things like that, but I just can't.
Karl Tsigdinos (45), editor of Car Driver and producer/presenter of RTE's car programme, has one son, Alex (3). His wife, Jan, works part-time with Aer Lingus.
Housework: My percentage of housework is fairly low. I do the DIY and decorating-type things, but I'd only do about 20 per cent of the raw housework. My wife, Jan, does most of it. She also does all the gardening as that's her area.
Chores related to the children: Jan deals with the clothes and she is good at making sure there are clean clothes in the drawers. She is most in control of this sort of thing, but I do a fair bit of minding, feeding and getting Alex to the creche. As Jan works part-time, she has a little more time with Alex but in terms of outings and reading and that sort of thing, we do about half and half.
Bonding: I'd like to think I have a good bond with my son, and long may it continue. I enjoy being with him - but I am geared up for the fact that he'll hate me when he's a teenager.
Household Management: Jan is very much the manager of the home, but we also do things on an impromptu basis. In terms of Alex, we each negotiate with him. I'm flexible to a point, but children are always pushing that point and trying to find the edges. But I think he knows when I'm serious or not.
Fatherhood: Of course it has changed my life, you can't avoid that - the whimsical days of just going for a pint or to a movie are all gone. I'm sure it is for the better, but we would like a lie-in now and again! You are in a constant state of change as a parent. At the moment, Alex is entering that stage of death by questions. I'd like to think that I'm a good father, but you'd have to ask my wife or my son that. It's a constant learning process. Unfortunately both my parents are dead and there are times when I wish I could phone them up and ask them what they did in such and such a situation. You don't have any measure or benchmark for parenting. All you can hope is that you'll end up with a human being with good values who is fairly happy in himself.
Work: I try not to let work interfere with life at home, but sometimes this is unavoidable. I was somebody who worked up to 100 hours a week, but that had already changed before Alex was born, which left me more able to cope with the changes. I'm much more civilised now. But sometimes I do some work when he is gone to bed - or Jan takes him out for a walk if I have something to do at home. All in all, I try to confine my work to day-time and the office. And because I'm self-employed, I'm lucky I can do that. I don't know how people who are just setting up a business, can cope with children.
