It's 2004 - so you're a year older, fatter or poorer. Róisín Ingle explains how to beat New Year blues on a budget. The Auld Lang Synes have been sung, the party poppers have been popped and the Christmas tree, so lovingly decorated, is now only a few days away from the dump.
Suddenly, after months of anticipation - the first Christmas decorations were spotted before the sacred Hallowe'en watershed, remember - it feels as if there is nothing to look forward to. We're as worn out as used wrapping paper and as flat as a half-drunk flute of New Year's Eve champagne.
If this isn't bad enough, we now have a raft of unrealistic New Year's resolutions to keep. We ate too much. We smoked too much. We drank too much. So now we must pay the price. If you haven't already made those promises you know you won't keep, it's not too late.
That deep philosophical thinker Bridget Jones was convinced that today, not yesterday, was the time to start resolutions. "Because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system," she reasoned. "Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January 2nd."
To beat those New Year blues, a condition brought on by the realisation that we are another year older, fatter or poorer, it might be best to bin the resolutions and merely resolve to think of imaginative ways to cheer ourselves up. With the credit cards maxed out and the retailers laughing all the way to the bank, these methods must by financial necessity be frugal. Think about drawing a long, hot candlelit bath for yourself rather than splurging money you don't have on a weekend away in a luxury spa.
The first thing those suffering from New Year blues must not do today, or any day soon for that matter, is join a gym. Of course you want to tackle the unwanted Christmas padding, but surely there are less depressing ways to do this than exerting yourself in a stuffy room crammed with other sweaty people checking out each other's recently acquired bulges. It will save you a year's worth of guilt, too, because with tragic inevitability you end up paying a vast joining fee but not sticking to your gym-bunny routine.
Think cheap and think fun when it comes to exercise. Decluttering your house - it doesn't have to be spring to engage in a spot of spring cleaning - burns off zillions of calories and helps clear the head. Join a salsa class. Walk up a mountain. Stop moaning about the traffic and buy yourself a bike. (There is no greater thrill in any big city than sailing down a cycle lane at rush hour past grim-faced gridlocked motorists.) And if you have never tried them before, splash out on a pair of roller blades. Or go ice skating in Dublin at Smithfield or the RDS before the ice has melted.
Or don't go anywhere at all. The party season is a distant memory, and most of us never want to see another canapé for at least 12 months. Even if we wanted to go out for expensive dinners and nights on the town, the post-Christmas budget - exactly how long is it until we get paid again? - won't allow it.
Stay in instead. Invite friends round for a leftovers party. Get them to bring those jars of chutney, baskets of cheese, bottles of port and tins of biscuits hanging around from the festivities and have a pot-luck supper. Crack open the board games or cover your kitchen table with green baize and host a poker tournament.
Themed nights are so corny they are the perfect way to lift your mood on dull January evenings. Fans of The Office who aren't yet sick of reciting David Brent's one- liners to each other can have the ultimate office party at home. Bring series one, series two and a video of the final two episodes and mourn the passing of a comic creation who can stand proudly alongside the likes of Basil Fawlty. Catering should be tacky - pineapple-and-cheese sticks - and the wine warm and cheap. Liebfraumilch will do the job nicely.
There is nothing so liberating as getting to know your inner teenager. That's why a trip to Funderland is a must to beat the blues. It doesn't sound much on paper. A vast space at the RDS in Dublin filled with noisy rides, noisier children and the weirdest music you will hear this year. But there is something about the smell of the popcorn and the kerplunk of the slot machines that reminds you of the time you used to go there and hang around for hours, hoping the guy who worked on the waltzer would notice you.
More sensitive souls should avoid the likes of Funderland and get reflective in 2004. Socrates reckoned an unexamined life was not worth living, so why not make a start on your memoirs? Cilla Black, Simon Cowell and Martine McCutcheon did it last year; this year it's the turn of bonking Boris Becker. Write the story of your life as though you think nobody will ever read it - that's the only way it will make the best-sellers list.
If you can't afford a weekend away from it all - and let's face it, you can't - why not persuade a friend to swap houses with you? Abandoning your city-centre apartment for her country pile beats shelling out for a pricey bed and breakfast any day.
Take a trip on the DART. For €5.90 you can take a trip to Greystones from the city centre and back. Admire the stunning views - Killiney bay is even more beautiful bathed in the bright light of this unusually mild winter weather - while making a start on that book you always promised yourself you would read. Ulysses, that Everest of books, is perfect, especially as it is the novel's centenary.
Smokers should start planning for the introduction of the ban on smoking in pubs and clubs by investing in the perfect winter smoking coat. You are going to be spending a lot of time huddled outside with fellow addicts, so it needs to be cosy with lots of pockets for your lighter and other smoking paraphernalia.
Non-smokers need to practise walking on the street, because there won't be any room on the pavement once the ban is introduced.
Some other ideas: bring back all the presents you don't like and exchange them for things you wish you'd got instead; join a book club; transfer the balance of your credit card to another company, so you don't have to pay interest for six months; don't bin the Christmas tree until June; and for once in your life try to make a resolution you want to keep. I must eat chocolate once a day sounds good.
