There’s a type of person I know who I dread to meet in company. Peculiarly, such meetings are not so bad, one to one. But then I know why. When it is one to one, he/she has my full attention. Usually.
But in company he/she must compete for that attention and everyone’s else’s. And how. Because he/she must always be at the very centre of everyone’s attention. Always. It can be exhausting and deeply irritating.
You know the sort. They have a litany of hilarious disasters to suit every occasion and which excel those of all others in the company. All of the time. It is similar when it comes to the tragedies of their lives.
Until you realise these seemingly carefully choreographed tales are just that and have one purpose and one purpose only, to hog the attention of those present. Then it becomes tedious.
In such situations I have attempted all sorts of rationalisations. He/she is deeply insecure. He/she must have experienced some great deprivation of affection or trauma as a child and cannot help him/herself.
Indulge. It is only for a while. Pretend to listen. Get tipsy. When pinned and wriggling by the crucifying boredom, try a “yes”or a “sure” or a false guffaw to get through. It never works.
Who needs such imprisonment? It can drive you to desperation.
Not too long ago a group of us were on a ferry and, while we sailed, there was little comfort offered by the noisy parting waters as the company was hogged by the needy, attention-seeking antics of one such.
To distract myself I pondered whether a young couple nearby were parents of the two teenage kids they were with. They were so attentive to one another and the teenagers’ responses so warm, it seemed unlikely they were a family.
Possibly one was their parent with a new partner or maybe an uncle/aunt taking them on a trip.
Meanwhile, our attention-seeking companion went on and on. I fantasised that if the ferry sank, with just one lifeboat launched, and I was in the water and this person tried to pull me on board I would resist. Better to drown.
Needy, from the later 12th century Middle English neodi, meaning "poor, indigent". From the noun need plus adjectival suffix -y. Related to the Dutch noodig, German nothig, Old Norse nauðigr.
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