Kart blanch

Karts? No problem. Wasn't I in one of those little kart things in EuroDisney once? Nothing to it

Karts? No problem. Wasn't I in one of those little kart things in EuroDisney once? Nothing to it. So - what am I doing climbing into the passenger seat of an old British army jeep? "Show her around, Karl," says Hilary Hughes, director of Kart City in north Co Dublin, grinning widely at Karl.

Karl manoeuvres the jeep out to the edge of a field of tall, shimmering wheat. All around the headland - about a circular mile - is a succession of mysterious, mountainous heaps of wet, slippery earth. Now, one does not, as a rule, drive recklessly through wheat fields. I turn to apprise Karl of this quaint, old farming truism, when suddenly he points the jeep at the first, treacherous, mucky mountain.

We are poised terrifyingly, vertically, like bats, on the side of this eruption when the grim truth strikes. We are about to try to drive over these mountains. All of them. It's midway through that I start keening like a banshee. Karl, meanwhile, pretends not to notice. Coolly, he explains the advantages of the four-wheel drive and why this whole exercise is not about speed when - and by now, I thought we'd seen it all - we come down off a mountain and hit a river.

At this point, Karl advises that you close the window in case you get a bush in your eye. The last time I was this terrified was when my daughter and I hopped gaily onto the chair-o-planes at a carnival in Kinsale.

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While I sobbed despairingly, she laughed like a demented witch. Here she is again, perched happily beside Karl.

People pay to do this. They come out to Kart City in their hundreds, listen raptly to young Karl Lennon as he explains the rudiments of 4 x 4 jeep trials, do a test drive for him in one of the old jeeps, then tear off into this thundering nightmare, fantasising, no doubt, about being the star turn in All Creatures Great And Small in their next life. And that's only the jeeps. Because once you've beaten the mountains in Kart City, you can turn to the flats - three tracks for thrill-seekers of all kinds. If you thought that watching Mike Tyson take a lump out of someone's ear was a strange spectator sport, then try Kart City on a Sunday for what John Lyons, the stockcar manager, calls "full contact banger racing".

These lads (yes, they're all male so far) are no chickens. The last car standing wins. You see a gap, you go for it. OK, so you might lose the sides of the the car, but that's banger racing. The biggest and bravest bully wins. The tension is piled on by the knowledge that there are two gangs involved, who, according to John Lyons "don't like each other too much".

But you don't have to be in a gang to race a banger. Anyone can, providing they have a car, a Kart City licence, fit the safety features required and satisfy the scrutineers that these are up to standard.

The downside is that they're a money pit. Bangers might last a couple of weeks before you have to start all over again. The scene there a couple of weeks ago demonstrated why; of 15 cars starting, 12 had to be lifted off the track afterwards.

But if watching is enough, it's worth noting that brand-new fencing with steel barriers, wire ropes and all sorts of safety features on the Grand Prix track allow spectators to sit within a couple of feet of all that crash bang-wallop. Also included in the thrill-a-minute Sunday show are races involving marvellously souped-up "hot rods" and smaller, 1300cc stock cars. - There are kiddie karts in Kart City of course (on the original inside track) but surprisingly, the real weekday business involves corporate groups of anything from eight up to 200 fully-grown adults, aching to have a go on the 4 x 4s, or on the amazing little winged cars (capable of up to 40 mph and which feel more like 100 mph) on the Formula 2 clay track, or the zippy little Scorpions on the new, 45,000-square-feet karting track.

Sometimes they settle for just one event but many of them book a half day (£50 a head) or full day (£100 including a good lunch from the in-house restaurant) involving all three. They get a driver's briefing and the rules, do a few practice races and away they go. For competitive types, there are competitions entailing qualifying heats and properly run routes to the finals.

There's even a podium from which the adrenalin-crazed winners are allowed to spray everyone with sparkling alcohol - just like the pros.

Kart City is at the Old Airport Road, Cloughran, Co Dublin. Tel: 01-842-6322.