IT'S one thing meeting an icon, it's another thing meeting an icon in Kilkenny High Street and it's quite another thing still for said icon to be wearing stilletos, PVC trousers, a blouse and a bit too much make up. Eddie Izzard is going blah blah blah about how he's going to do some gigs in Paris and do his whole set in French and all of that, and you walk away thinking that apart from all the funny stuff, he's quite possibly the coolest man on the planet. A giant among pygmies.

Then it's off to get a few gags in before sunset and here's this American woman on stage and she's saying. "You know that phrase about men seldom making passes at girls who wear glasses well, most men I know would "f** a tree" and you just know it's going to be a good festival. And then this happens a black comic is doing his gig, getting the laughs and generally entertaining all and sundry except for a pocket of racist low life in the audience, which obviously thinks it would be an awful hoot to draw attention to the colour of the comic's skin. A bit later, a very angry Mark Lamarr takes to the stage, gives a lecture about the historical oppression of the Irish and links it all up to present day racism. Nice one.

Off to see some funny American blokes and they're all giving it the same small talk as they try to get their bearings on the Kilkenny stage "Gosh, don't you guys drink a lot over here" all of them seem 10 be saying. Great, Just great. It might have escaped their attention that there's a festival on. Besides, if we want people to come all the way over from the U.S. to tell us that we drink a lot, we reserve the right to travel to their country and draw attention to all the right wing bigots, the crack cocaine babies and the spatupon homeless in their midst.

Over to see Ardal O'Hanlon and he's got a good take on all of this "The great thing about Dublin is that when you go into the pubs, there's all these writers and poets and artists sitting there... in any other country they call them drunks, but there you go".

Fermanagh comic Owen O'Neill is telling us about how he's doesn't drink anymore because when he lived in London he'd go out for a quiet drink in his local in Fulham and usually end up naked on a beach in Brighton four days later. He's talking about going back to Belfast, meeting up with his old mates in the pub and telling them he's off the drink. "Well just have a half then", they tell him, "or have a glass of wine instead, that's not really drink".

THEN there's this great new comic from Waterford, Kevin Hayes and he's saying that when he's doing gigs in London, he never never brings a pint of beer onto the stage with him (like most comics do) because of the whole stereotyping vibe. Then Sean Hughes comes along and he's talking about how the more you drink the more ugly people become really attractive and how you're so dehydrated the next morning you swig from a bottle of contact lenses cleaner because you're too wrecked to make the walk to the kitchen.

Better go and see the "star" of the show, Bill Murray. To do this you have to pay the sum of £20, which is a bit odd, considering it's only £10 for Sean Hughes and Eddie Izzard, who are both far, far better. "Welcome to the biggest rip off ticket at the festival" says Bill Murray from the stage and you want to make a curt reply but you don't because this is The Irish Times and you aren't supposed to do things like that. Murray's with the Chicago Second City players and they're really not up to much, and definitely not up to £20. And while we're on the subject there were no discounts on any of the ticket prices for either the unwaged or students and in these days of people never ever having permanent jobs, that has to chance. By the way Bill, we're sorry for keeping you off the golf course.

Better go to something good and this here Kathleen Madigan from the U.S. of A. is the business. She's flipped into X Files mode and she's talking abut all the aliens out there and telling us that the reason they never stay on earth long enough to be interviewed on the Late Late Show (or whatever) is because of the people they meet when they first land "It always seems to be that the first experience of the human race those poor aliens have is some dumb f** man in overalls who has no teeth and who answers to the name of Billy Joe". She moves on to warn us all about the dangers of having too many children, because "the more kids you have, the bigger the chance you re going to produce a total loser. .. every family has one and if you think your family doesn't, then that loser is you". When Kathleen was 21 she wanted to marry a "good looking, well off man who was sensitive and caring and had a good sense of humour" now that's she's 31 she'd quite happily marry "any man whose name appears on the electoral register".

By a spooky coincidence the next act up is another U.S. female, Diane Ford, and she is pretty pissed off with the male half of the race and she leaves us in no doubt that the only reason she'd have a man in her house would be to fix her vibrator when it broke down. Diane Ford is a class act and her tight, focused delivery puts you in mind of the way they write Roseante the almost mathematical use of the set up/punch line formula which is the complete antithesis of something like Father Ted. And speaking of which...

MAYBE the people who are jamming themselves in to see Ardal Hanlon every night want to see Fr Dougal, but they're not going to get him. If all the U.S. comics are circumspect with their material and clinical in their delivery, O'Hanlon is all shuffling and shifty as he rambles, ad libs, pauses and sighs his way through a very brilliant set. Having heard so many of the U.S. comics make jokes about the Mayor of Chicago or other such parochial material, it is delightful to be entertained by. O'Hanlon's tales of his mad family upbringing in Co Monaghan. Giving us some pointers as to which turn off he's decided to take on the comic highway, there were some lovely extended routines which nestled in quite comfortably beside the shorter gags.

The amphetamines are beginning to wear off, so it's off to the Festival Club to try and make some sense of it all and the man from BBC Radio 4 asks you. "Why do so many Irish comics feel let down by your national broadcasting station?"

And the answer is obviously the people responsible for "comedy" at RTE didn't feel Sean Hughes and Ardal O'Hanlon were good enough for them and they also passed over the best Irish comedy writers of their generation the BAFTA award winning team of Arthur Matthews and Graham Linehan. And figure this one out one of the best stand up comedians this country has ever produced (some would say the best), namely Dylan Moran, has never appeared on his national television station. Seeing brilliant new Irish talent like Patrick McDonnell, Tommy Tiernan and Mark Doherty at the festival, you know they've no option but to emigrate if they want to make a living at something they do very, very well. And that is the sickest joke of all.