GIVE ME A BREAK:SWINGING FROM one deep emotion to its opposite - joy or sorrow, love or death, happiness or despair, economic euphoria or economic depression - is normal at this time of the year, writes Kate Holmquist.

The Irish, I've learned over 25 years of living here, relish emotional intensity. And Christmas is a time when those intense emotions flourish. We're happy to be alive (especially after a few drinks) or we're feeling dark, paranoid and lonely (is there a better party we're missing?). We can experience these extremes in a single day - or even bounce between them several times a day - especially at Christmas when the party we're at is the best party ever, but the visit "home" may be the most depressing we've ever had.

Extremes of emotion are part of the Irish character. We Irish (is it okay if I include myself in the "we"?) fly upwards and dip downwards like a flock of birds in unison. Just listen to the radio for a day - when Joe Duffy on Livelinepicks up the sorrow ball everybody runs with it. When Riverdanceor a soccer team excels in dominating the music, dance or sporting world we all feel proud - but it's been a while since we felt that way.

We Irish surf emotions like fine-tuned athletes. When everybody's supposed to feel down, everyone is down. When the mood is up, everyone celebrates - perhaps spending too much, to their cost. We shop till we drop, or we drop shopping and droop. We drink ourselves into a stupor, or give up drink all together. We are always drawn to the extreme.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. What sort of celebration will it be? Euphoric or depressed? Will we max out our credit cards or settle for simpler gifts? Will we tell our kids that Santa was on a budget this year? Or will we find a way to fulfil our kids' dreams (within reason) with thoughtful presents wrapped in love?

What the Irish do best is hope. The Irish are the possibly the most tenacious race on earth. The Irish built the US and Australia and always, always, the Irish have taken the long view. When the going was rough, Irish parents did their best for the next generation, even when that meant sending the next generation off on Aer Lingus.

And that's happening again. Airlinge bookings to Australia are up by at least 25 per cent because our young want to find a new, better life. How quickly our fortunes change - from Ireland being the best place in the world in which to live, to being a place we have to escape from.

There will be Irish wakes in the coming year as our children emigrate, but wakes are also times of hope. The Irish always sent their young away in the belief that those who went to the US or Australia would do better. Even in death, Irish funerals celebrate life in a way that the Catholic Church may not approve of (photographs, plane tickets and golf clubs in coffins and so on), but this rather Egyptian belief that the next world is better is ingrained in the Irish spirit. We're all headed for something better.

Extremes are lovely in their way. And yet, this may be a time for us to give up the extremes and settle for "just getting along", "doing okay", "treading water", "sticking to the budget". Maybe we should not judge ourselves by the presents under the tree and the quality of the turkey (frozen from Tesco is just as good as organic, believe me) and just accept the challenges we've been given by the economic climate and stop blaming ourselves.

We have striven and succeeded in the past 10 years. We have changed as much as a society in that space of time as would take most societies 100 years. So perhaps the extreme success of the Celtic Tiger - which we will never see again and that our children will probably never see - was a lesson in living. Maybe - if we take a deep breath or two - we can get comfortable with being neither miserable nor joyful. Maybe it's okay to just be "medium happy" - like the lower-calorie fast-food meal.

Here's an idea: let's just be ourselves for once, and stop flying the flag for Ireland Inc. Let's just stop competing with one another and enjoy the three days of Christmas (didn't there used to be 10?) for what they are and feel good about not having a Go Large Christmas or All the Trimmings Christmas. Being with family and friends is its own gift.

On the other hand, let's not go all downsized and parsimonious. At Christmas let's just be ourselves have lots of food and a few gifts, amid the shining faces of children who still believe in Santa. We grown-ups need to spend the next year cooling our expectations and cutting our cloth to suit our measure - but the children don't have to know that. They'll feel content when they see the contentment in their parents' and grandparents' and aunts' and uncles' faces that everything is okay and Santa came like he always does. No need to fuss or worry.

So, here's wishing you a Medium Happy Christmas. And a Medium Happy New Year.

kholmquist@irishtimes.com