AILBHE MALONEis about to stink out the room. Please note the location of your nearest exit

TRACK OF THE WEEK

Don't Wanna Go Homeby Jason DeRulo. Let's open this week with a joke. What do you call a pop star who likes drawing straight lines? Jason DeRuler! Now that you're in the mood for some fun, give Jason's new single a whirl. Sampling both Robin S's Show Me Loveand Day O( The Banana Boat Song)it's kind of a mess, but it's also kind of brilliant.

* Katy Perry in talking about religion shocker! Speaking to Vanity Fair, K.Pez explained how she's learned to get on with her strict parents. "We co-exist," she said. "I don't try to change them any more, and I don't think they try to change me. We agree to disagree." She added: "My sponge is so big and wide and I'm soaking everything up and my mind has been radically expanded." We're pretty sure she's speaking metaphorically, but who knows? Perhaps she's opening a cleaning agency.

* In what looks to be the campest project this side of Oxegen, Kylie Minogue is set to write an autobiographical musical. She told the Irish Echo: "It's definitely happening. We've brought a scriptwriter in and are working on a few synopses." In terms of critical reception, she added: "Music critics are one thing, but theatre critics are something else. I suppose if it doesn't work then that's it – it's a closed book."

* Congratulations to Mariah Carey, who has given birth. We're sad there'll be no more Twitpics of her belly painted as various festive things, but we're glad that Mimi's safely popped out a boy and a girl: Moroccan and Monroe (there are no words). Shortly afterwards, Mariah's husband, Nick Cannon, tweeted: "My wife just gave me the most incredible anniversary gift ever in life! I won't ever be able to top this!" Carey's representative, Cindi Berger, claims the parents and babies all sat down to listen to Carey's hit We Belong Togetherafter the birth. Amazing.