Forget fantasy football – if you could create a dream band, who would you put up front? What about the drummer at the back? Here, Irish Times writers pick their musical five-a-side
THE RULES
Pick a FIVE-PIECE BANDconsisting of: One front person, drummer and bass player, and two others; No more than two dead people for the starting five; No more than one person from one band (players in crossover bands are allowed); Each band must have a name and a short explanation as to why this is the best band ever. This is not a list of the best musicians– this is the best band as a unit working effectively together.
TALKING HEADERS
ManagerSinéad Gleeson
VocalsPrince
DrumsTony Allen
BassTina Weymouth
GuitarPJ Harvey
Keys/otherNoah Lennox
Music is a funny old game, not to mention a game of two halves (pre- and post-encore). There comes a time when people are considered past-it and not gig-fit, but experience counts for a lot. At the back, I've gone for know-how with Tony Allenon drums. As well as being an innovative, influential work horse, he's got stamina and pace in spades (just look at the length of some of the songs on Fela Kuti's Zombie). Also solid and consistent is Tina Weymouth. Her experience playing for both Talking Heads and Tom Tom Club makes her a real team player who's not afraid to strike out. Noah Lennoxis a bit of a John O'Shea, in that he can play in various positions – the lad is just as happy on guitar as noodling around with a sampler or keyboards. PJ Harvey is all about stealth, and knows that defence is often the strongest form of attack. She has an unpredictable streak that marks her out from the rest of the team, but she's a consistent performer. Upfront, I've gone for spirit and skill with Prince. He's narcissistic, unbelievably gifted, fond of the ladies, obscenely rich and already has a one-word moniker, which makes him perfect – if he can avoid on-stage strops.
BALLYMUN FACELIFT
ManagerTony Clayton-Lea
VocalsNina Persson
DrumsLarry Mullen Jr
BassNicky Wire
GuitarTom Verlaine
CelloJacqueline du Prè
Following the demise of Roxy Music (cause of death: rickets), Ballymun Facelift are the surprise addition to this weekend's Atomic Brunch. One of the brightest new bands around, they are fronted by former Cardigans' singer Nina Persson, whose filter-tipped fag huskiness adds depth to the lyric-writing of bass player Nicky Wire (formerly of Manic Street Preachers, the Welsh band that went for a drive across the river Severn 10 years ago and never returned). If Wire's bass throbs, then Larry Mullen Jr's drumming (for so long a feature of U2, who, after 30 years of trying to make a go of it outside Ireland, split up in May) thuds instinctively in tandem.
Above and beyond the rhythm section, guitarist Tom Verlaine (formerly of Television, now a regular guest on YouTube reality show sensation, Are You Absolutely Sure Those Genitals Are Yours?) delivers mercurial, almost maverick guitar lines that weave in and out, eventually dovetailing perfectly. The band sound is underpinned by Jacqueline du Prè, whose stirring, subtle string arrangements often alter the music's tones from furious to fragile within a stroke of her bow.
Ballymun Facelift will be previewing material from their forthcoming album, E
xpiring For Love is Beautiful but Stupid. Their debut single,
I Watched 'Lost' and Wasted Five Years of my Life, is released next week, with the album to follow in November, which in turn will be followed by a lengthy period of world domination.
VELLA’S CAULIFLOWERS
ManagerJim Carroll
VocalsElla Fitzgerald
Dru msElvin Jones
BassTina Weymouth
GuitarSteve Cropper
Other stuffFlying Lotus
Who wouldn't pay to see this lot in action? A team of superstars who can rock it at the back ( Weymouthand Jonesare a rhythm section who will provide the stoutest, fattest and most dastardly of beats), kick it on upfront ( Cropper's guitar playing has Stax and Stax of soul-funk power), provide plenty of width on the wing ( FlyLocan cover all sonic bases with just one sleepy flick of the wrist), and has the original galactico in Ellaupfront to keep the show soaring. The fact that Ella can scat or sing to the most sublime levels at the drop of a hat is yet one of a million reasons for signing her up.
THE QUOTAS
ManagerAnthea McTeirnan
VocalsBeth Ditto
DrumsMeg White
BassTessa Pollitt
Lead guitarJoan Armatrading
Rhythm guitar/vocalsChrissie Hynde
Let's kill this soccer analogy stone dead – there are no balls on my pitch. But there are balls in this band and you can argue with the selection all you like, but you'll have to get past Bethfirst. This girl has a magnificent pair of lungs and all the sweaty stage chutzpah to make her a rock'n'roll giant. It's early doors, but this girl can do anything. Her personal is political. Her political is personal. Her voice will put words in our mouths for a long time to come.
For a shy girl, Meg Whiteis making a rumpus at the back. Mean boys dispute her drumming quality, but Meg bangs a beat with a taste of its own and that's what we want. Bringing some throbbing gristle to the gig, The Slits' Tessa Pollittis drawing on her predilection for Jamaican bass-lines to disturb your diaphragm. Feel the force.
On lead guitar, well it's Joan, isn't it? At her latest Dublin gig, Ms Armatrading made her way through about eight guitars, and despite your quality/quantity clichés, she got a fine sound out of all of them. No one grinds an axe like our Joan. Last but by no means least we've harnessed the goddamn sexy versatility of Chrissie Hyndeto add to the guitar action and to let rip when Beth needs a rest. They'll make sweet music together. Guaranteed.
THE FALLOPIAN TUBAS
ManagerLaurence Mackin
VocalsNina Simone
DrumsBrian Blade
BassReid Anderson
GuitarRyan Adams
TrumpetMiles Davis
Every other band looks like a team of part-timers compared to this outfit. Let's start at the back – if you want drummers, you go straight to where it's hip and happening in jazz, and
Brian Blade(on loan from Joshua Redman's band) is the most exciting drummer working in jazz today. He's going to dictate the flow of play from the back with his achingly funky grooves.
Reid Andersonfrom The Bad Plus will be distributing sweet bass lines, undercutting the whole team with rhythm and groove that will allow the wing and front players to express themselves.
Upfront is
Nina– we will never see her like again so why try to improve on perfection? Now Ryan Adams might be an unusual choice, but because of the Two Dead People ruling, I've had to compromise a little. Once he sticks to that beautiful, rhythmic more bluesy style, it's going to work as the perfect complement to Simone upfront.
And who is that sweeping in from the wing, cutting a swathe before all before him with a simple drop of the shoulder and a purse of the lips?
Miles– always Miles. He reinvented jazz, built musical monuments and pulled them all apart again. Once he starts grooving over Blade, feeling Anderson's subtle push and pull, when
Adams's country licks swagger up that wing, and Nina is killing it upfront with that low end, wide open vocal, in rolls Miles with the softest, saddest, most brilliant trumpet playing you ever heard. Curtain down. Set's finished. Game over. Back of the net. Outtasight, baby. Outtasight.
Oh, and Simone, if you don't 'drag' me on stage to play in the encore, you'll be playing for the Quotas reserves before you can say "transfer window".
Love our line-ups? Appalled at our selections? Let us know on the Irish Times Arts Blog, Pursued by a Bear (irishtimes.com/blogs/pursuedbyabear), suggest your own five piece, sticking to the rules above, and we'll print a selection on our pages.
The best band wins the adulation of their peers
