What's on your rider?Nothing unusual at all, just a sensible amount of alcohol and nibbles, and occasionally postcards to send home. I find extravagant rock'n'roll riders offensive; I'm a man of simple pleasures and don't need my ego massaged.
What's your pre-gig ritual/routine?I pace around the dressing room, round and round in circles with a beer in my hand. It's probably quite annoying for everyone else but they seem to be used to it now.
How do you get to the gig – limo, taxi, walking?Whatever's cheapest.
What are your favourite and least favourite venues?The Brudenell in Leeds has been a recent favourite, and I generally prefer smaller venues, as I like to be close to the audience. I don't really have a least favourite, and every time I turn up to a place that looks a bit shady I always end up surprised at how good the gig went. All gigs depend on the audience; it doesn't really matter about the venue as long as the kids are enjoying themselves.
Who is the most famous person to have shown up at one of your gigs?I've no idea. I don't really care about that sort of thing – fame doesn't impress me. My four-year-old son came to see me for the first time a few weeks ago, which was far more exciting.
You're most embarrassing on-stage moment?I don't get embarrassed. When you write songs about premature ejaculation and borderline alcoholism, there's really nowhere left to go.
What's your crowd-pleasing number?Presently it seems to be The Copper Top by Bill Wells and myself, which is all about going for a pint after a funeral and realising that time is eating away at you. Honestly!
What's the most you've ever paid for a gig ticket?I think the only time I've paid over the odds was for Pixies when I was in high school. I think it was £20.
Groupies. Would you?I don't get groupies. I get gorgeous, charming, and intellectually stimulating ladies who want to spend one unforgettable evening in my arms.
How many roadies does it take to change your lightbulbs (ie, how big is your entourage)?Currently we have one guy who drives and does the sound, and that's all we need. Why pay someone to do something you can do yourself? I'm starting to sound incredibly Scottish, aren't I?
Have you a special stage wardrobe?I always take my watch off.
Do you like to meet and greet fans after the gig?Yes, although it depends on the gig, of course. Some nights you just need to escape to the nearest pub, but I quite often go out and do the merch and say hello, aye.
Any useful stage tips?Always keep a bottle opener in your pocket.
What's the worst thing ever thrown at you?I'm happy to report that I don't think anything's ever been thrown at me, at least nothing I can remember, so it must have been extremely insignificant. Someone tried to pull my mic stand off me once, though, so I kicked the smile off his face. Twice.
If you could be in any other band, which one?I'd play the drums for Dusty Springfield in Heaven.
Who's invited to your aftershow party?The band and close friends, and possibly the local dealer.
What's your best tour story?I don't have the time to tell you, and you don't have the space to publish it! Let's just say I've had a great deal of fun over the years.
In conversation with Tony Clayton-Lea. Aidan Moffat and Bill Wells play the Cork Midsummer Festival tomorrow
