People cycling to work may be sitting on their saddles but they're certainly not sitting on their brains. Call me anti-car but there's no machine that will get you to your urban destination - workplace, school or shop - faster than the bike. Cycling is building-friendly (no exhaust fumes damaging homes as well as lovely, old, historic buildings); it's people-friendly (no fumes to give you and your child asthma); it's cheap (no travel expenses, no parking fees or tickets and you generate your own dynamo light) and, like Muhammad Ali, it's so quick you're there before you leave. And if anyone complains that cyclists don't pay road tax, my answer is that, on the contrary, they should get something back for not adding to the cost of healthcare and of cleaning up the environment.
So, with so much going for it, why don't more people use the bike? One obvious explanation is that the distance they need to cover is too great. Understandably, not everyone wants to start their day with a 10-mile bike ride. But what about four miles or even one? Go on, you know you can do it.
Another reason is clothes. You might just undermine confidence in your ability to handle that one million pound account if you arrive at the meeting steaming, in a brilliant lime-green and purple lycra outfit. A third reason is self-image. Cycling is still too close to the days when it was the only practical way you could get around. It smacks of bicycle clips, of getting a lift on a crossbar with the messages tied to the carrier (I travelled to my First Communion, veil streaming in the wind, on my father's crossbar).
Further - let's face it - the bike could never be described as that visible display of wealth so beloved of the nouveau riche, the sort of people who, said a friend from west Cork, "come down here and go out to dinner wearing everything they've got".
There are solutions to all these obstacles, however. When his company changed their policy on dress code from suit to smart casual - and not just on Fridays - a businessman friend found his whole life changed. Now he cycles to work in shorts and T-shirt, with his chinos and shirt neatly folded away in his briefcase. Some companies even provide showers for their employees - an added incentive to cycle. In any case, lots of people already go to work with their sports gear in their bags or carrying a change of clothes to party in after work. And if it's just image you're after, it is possible to pay over the odds for a smart bike with matching cell phone pouch and laptop pannier.
Having spent most of this summer in Oxford, I've found lots of commuters loading their bikes on the shuttle train to London - free of charge, Iarnr≤d ╔ireann, please note. I've used this service, and believe me, there's no greater pleasure than cycling across Hyde Park on a sunny September morning, sun glistening on the Serpentine, horses ambling along Rotten Row and cyclists with their own wide cycle track all to themselves. In fact, by using the parks and the Embankment, you can cover quite a lot of London without ever coming in contact with traffic. Irish cities are another matter but some city fathers are waking up to the usefulness of cycle paths.
Motorists all whinge and whine, of course - they seem to be especially affronted by people on bikes - but the days of the private car are now numbered, its disappearance a benefit not only to the cyclist and the pedestrian: ask any Dublin taxi driver what they think of the traffic flow system introduced this year on South Great George's Street.
There are few countries where I have not been able to cycle. Algiers, with its hills, was a bit of struggle. Edinburgh too was challenging, for the same reason. Maastricht was a dream, as is the whole of the Netherlands, where the cyclist is well catered for. Even in the old part of Maastricht, among cobbled streets too narrow to allow cycle lanes, bikers and pedestrians all share the same space without undue rancour, unlike Oxford where there is a campaign against cyclists using the pavements regardless of the width, the time of day or night or the presence of pedestrians on them.
However, having been felled by a car on a section of road which actually had an image of a bike painted on it, I now use my own judgment and cycle on the pavement when necessary, courting possible arrest but also the chance to make a speech from the dock.
The Republic of Georgia was a nightmare. When I discovered I had a puncture, someone tried to mend it with sticky tape. Georgians sing like angels and make great wine but they're not into bikes.
Damascus was fun. Everyone there - by which I mean men - uses a bike, unless, of course, they are part of the Syrian Tiger which is just starting to growl. It's a bit like Dublin in the old days when people actually used bikes to transport things from A to B. Once, I saw a man pedalling off down a Damascene street with a folded-up wheelchair tied on his back carrier.
Damascene traffic too is a gas. Just like here, no self-respecting car driver would dream of stopping for anything unless forced to do so by a red light. A policeman will occasionally blow a whistle, which sort of stops the cars and buses while cyclists continue serenely on their way - and any which way they want. You soon get into the swing of it, learning to proceed without lights the wrong way up a one-way street or, better still, the right way but on the wrong side. The permutations are endless.
Cycling can be a family thing. The Dutch, with their sit-up-and-beg bikes, have great child seats which go between you and the handlebars so that both your arms stretch protectively round the child. They even come with windscreens to keep the child safe from headwinds.
Safety is paramount and it is my opinion that every would-be car-driver should first have to do a test-run on a bike so that they gain some practical experience of the problems faced by cyclists on the road. There's the mathematics for starters: cars have four wheels while bicycles, by definition, have two. If a car driver has to brake suddenly, they usually remain sitting in their seat. If a cyclist has to do the same, they tend to come off. When it's raining, cyclists get wet. It is, therefore, a simple courtesy to stop to allow them join the traffic from an intersection.
Cyclists, too, often need a course in road safety. And the best lesson they can be taught is assertiveness. They should take up clear positions on the road and should indicate exactly where they are going. It's only fair, after all, to the motorists even if some of them are making journeys that are not really necessary for, with the onset of the autumn term, roads and streets will again become blocked by cars ferrying perfectly able-bodied children to the school-gates.
Surely part of their education should focus on self-reliance, as well as on a concern for planet Earth. With road rage on the increase, what we want is fewer psychopaths and more cycle paths.
