'LIKE my loafers? Former gophers/It was that or skin my chauffeurs," Mr Burns sang in a Cruella de Vil moment.
The Springfield squillionaire was unaccountably absent from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animal's recently published worst dressed list, but another nauseatingly wealthy cartoon character made it to No 1. Yes. It's Paris Hilton.
Reel News had barely heard of the micro-celebrities at Nos 2 and 3 in the list, which names and shames fur wearers, but we were delighted to see Tara Reid, the party-hearty American Pie alumna, grabbing the No 5 spot. Though the death of any chinchilla or muskrat is to be profoundly regretted, it is still nice to hear that Tara, whose top half was cruelly exposed at a P Diddy bash recently, is finally covering up properly.
Oscar-worthy trivia
The news that Robert Altman, director of such classics as M*A*S*H and Nashville, is to be awarded an honorary Oscar sent many film buffs racing towards the reference books. Most news reports found space to mention that Altman is one of five directors to have been nominated five times without winning. But some publications tantalisingly failed to identify the other four.
Regular readers of this column, being educated coves, will already be prodding the newspaper aggressively while muttering the names of Hitchcock and Scorsese. Boffins will know that King Vidor was another. But only the sickeningly bright will be aware that Clarence Brown, once a Garbo specialist, was the fourth member of this unlucky club.
Footballer's lives
Maradona, the Argentinean footballer and amateur barrage balloon, has agreed to appear in a movie chronicling his drug-fuelled decline. "What interests me is to tell the story of the darker side of Maradona - his desire to self-destruct, the years in which he was a slave of cocaine," Marco Risi, the flick's director, said. "I want to understand how he fell and how he was reborn."
If you guessed that the film's provisional title is Maradona: Hand of God, then reward yourself with an orange segment.
Hasta la vista, Shelley
Following the best wishes we offered her a few months ago, the fabulous Shelley Winters stubbornly passed away last week at the age of 85. Or did she? It is not unusual for female actors to shave a few years off their age, but, if certain obituarists are to be believed, Ms Winters, always eccentric, may have claimed to be older than she actually was. Both the Guardian and the New York Times put her at 83. Yet the star of A Place in the Sun and The Poseidon Adventure hosted a grand 85th birthday party shortly before she fell ill. Taking her at her word is surely the right thing to do.
The glam Golden Globes
Monday's Golden Globes produced no great surprises. Our own Jonathan Rhys Meyers, notably blubby at the dais, triumphed for his fine performance as The King in the mini-series Elvis. Philip Seymour Hoffman, pre-race second favourite for Capote, snuck past Brokeback Mountain's Heath Ledger to claim the best actor in a drama prize. Those mopey gay cowboys and Walk the Line, the fine Johnny Cash biopic, picked up many of the other prestige awards.
The confirmation of Brokeback Mountain as Oscar front-runner did inspire pondering in these parts. When was the last time the year's best film - and Brokeback might well be that - actually won the top Academy Award? Million Dollar Baby, you say? Oh, play along.
Film theory in Dún Laoghaire
Ahoy film fanatics in south County Dublin and adjacent areas: Dún Laoghaire College of Further Education is introducing a new Film Studies course to its evening programme. The course, to be taught by local film-maker Ian Graham, will look at the history of the cinema and also introduce students to film theory. Interested applicants can contact the collage at (01) 280 9676. The class begins on January 31st.
Spring symphony for stars
There are many reasons to rejoice at this gloomy time of the year. James Belushi has finally ended his two-year feud - something to do with building work apparently - with his next-door neighbour, the one true Catwoman, Julie Newmar. Meanwhile, Angelina Jolie has confirmed that she is having a baby with fellow deity Brad Pitt. And, best of all, Tori Spelling has finally found happiness. Aaron's little girl will marry TV actor Dean McDermott in the summer.
