Tomorrow: Is caffeine helpful or harmful? In Science Today
For Christmas 2000, the list of home entertaining pitfalls is longer than ever. Stay away from floppy, sloppy foods (moussaka, lasagne), pretentious foods (nouvelle cuisine drizzled with contrasting sauces), medleys of vegetables (only roasted Mediterranean veggies will do) black pudding with caramelised apples (so 1990s) and sushi (too many people don't like it and struggle to hide it in handbags and under lettuce leaves).
Under no circumstances should you serve smoked salmon (unless it's wild) or prawns in Marie Rose mayonnaise (unless you are deliberately going 1970s retro, in which case it's excusable). Nobody cooks for themselves anymore, so when using a "drop off" caterer (that is not a caterer who falls asleep, but one who delivers the food in advance, then leaves you to serve it), the ultimate faux pas is to pretend you cooked the food yourself. The other pitfall with caterers is portion control. Your guests shouldn't go away hungry, panting towards the nearest takeaway.
A friend (who shall remain nameless) attended a posh party recently where successive platters of cunningly ornate hors d'oeuvres the size of buttons were passed around with the drinks. He didn't eat any, assuming that dinner was on the way. It wasn't. But he didn't realise this until hors d'oeuvres in the form of mini-puddings appeared. They were the dessert.
If you invite friends for a party at dinner time (after 8 p.m.), by all means serve them dinner. This business of serving wine and little canapes so that everyone is drunk and starving by 11 p.m. is very sad, indeed. Specify on your invitations (which should have been written and posted two weeks in advance) what you are planning to offer, so that if you are serving only drinks and nibbles, sensible people can go to dinner first (or afterwards).
Another party-giver went the other way and misleadingly wrote on her invitations: "drinks". She actually planned to serve piles of delicious food but didn't want to state this on her minimalist invitation for fear of spoiling the design.
Needless to say, her guests arrived with spoiled appetites. e, this style is fraught with pitfalls. Having a stage-set designer kitchen by Chalon or Christian's screams "aspiring nouveau", especially when you expect everyone to stand around admiring it - with no cooking in sight. The other sin is people trying hard to be fashionable who haven't a clue what they're serving.
At a lunch party, a friend was offered sushi - which she adores - but then noticed it was coming out of four-day-old Marks and Spencer's packets worthy of the attentions of the health inspector. Her host honestly had no idea that sushi must be eaten on the day of preparation, or not at all.
Enough of what people are doing wrong. Here's how to do it right. Gracious sophistication without pretension is the rule for Christmas 2000: people are dressing up and laying beautiful tables with flowers, colourful glass and candlelight, but they are keeping the food disarmingly simple. When the guests arrive, pretend you haven't been planning your party for the past millennium. Have the food ready to serve before the doorbell rings and make every attempt to appear casual and relaxed - even though you are dressed to the nines and the house is bathed in candlelight.
The drink: offering guests champagne on arrival never fails to create a festive atmosphere. Caviar is a must. Cocktails are the fashionable alternative but it's naff to offer a full wet-bar. Cocktails made with vodka are the last word in sophistication - especially Cosmopolitans (vodka, cranberry juice and Cointreau with a sliver of orange peel - watch the bartenders in the Clarence Hotel if you need a demonstration). Also popular are dry vodka martinis (okay, gin if you must) with the slightest hint of vermouth and a lemon twist. But do it right. You'll need a cocktail shaker, a measure, ice, sieve and shallow, cone-shaped cocktail glasses - the type you see in James Bond films. Don't put the ice in the glasses, whatever you do.
Choose your wines carefully to go with the food and open them an hour before the party. An extra fridge comes in handy for white wine. End the meal with a gorgeous little dessert wine, such as white muscat (just make sure you serve it in tiny glasses). If you don't want a mix of wines circulating the room (and you don't), then when your friends bring wine, put it away for another time. If anyone is insulted, that's their problem.
The food: "Choose simple foods and flavours that are not overdressed", advises caterer Sarah Peelo. For a crowd of about 20 a sit-down dinner is appropriate, while for more than 25, buffets are increasingly popular. Peelo's typical menu would be wild smoked salmon, followed by magret duck au jus or John Dory with roast pepper compote, followed by apple toffee tarts. For a buffet, she would serve a choice of two simple hot dishes (chicken and beef, usually) with rice or potatoes and lots of interesting breads and salads.
If you're doing the cooking yourself, you cannot go wrong with a simple stew (made the day before) and baked potatoes, followed by fresh green salad and a wheel of runny brie, then a dollop of Haagen Daz to finish. Your guests will be so amazed that you cooked for yourself that they'll garland you with praise. The music: romance is in. Which means Burt Bacharach, Andy Williams and Frank Sinatra: yes. Julio Iglesias and The Three Irish Tenors: no, definitely not. After dinner, dancing is de rigueur, especially disco. Organise your music in advance. Nothing stops a party like the host fumbling over the CD player while previously uninhibited dancers stare at each other in embarrassment.
When considering your guestlist, mix age groups and social groups, singles and marrieds. Take time to consider the seating arrangements. Dazzling conversation relies on people feeling relaxed, comfortable and flirtatious. And do remember that your guests will have to go home, so don't push drink. Ultimate hosts hire a driver in advance. This costs about £180 to £200 for four hours' service and will be appreciated by your guests, who should also tip the driver. John Carty, who runs a limousine service in the Dublin area, says that drivers don't mind waiting (as long as they're paid for their time). Too often, he says, hosts tell guests: "the driver's off at midnight, so if you're not leaving by then, you're on your own." That's worse than offering no driver at all.
As for good guests: they don't cry off at the last minute, they send flowers in advance, make an effort to dress up, provide sparkling conversation, don't bring children (unless specifically invited, in which case children's entertainment should be laid on) and - most importantly of all - offer return invitations, in which case it's their chance to sweat while pretending to be gracious and sophisticated.
Sarah Peelo is at 086-8806333 and John Carty at 087-2068767
