ALIENS have landed. Again. And this time tantalisingly close to Dublin, just in time for the hordes of August day trippers to descend.
At least it beats weeping statues and miraculous stigmata. The secular version of these phenomena the crop circle has once again appeared in hayfields. Just why the aliens always choose to laud in hayfields is anybody's guess. Perhaps they like a soft, dry landing.
Anyway, The Leinster Leader had a new twist on this modern version of mischievous fairies. It told us that locals in Calverston, Co Kildare, are convinced an alien spacecraft is the only explanation for farmer Denis Hughes's strange experience.
He says he heard what sounded like "an aeroplane" very close to the farmhouse in the early hours of the morning. Deciding to investigate, he found several "suspicious looking scorch marks in a field which had recently been cleared of hay".
Local folklorist Billy Kelly went along to see for himself. He found that "one group of marks comprises three nine inch wide circles in a triangular formation". A charcoal like substance lay around the marks.
Billy, mindful of similar hoaxes in the past, is convinced that some thing is afoot and wants to get a second opinion from those in the know," the newspaper told us.
The farmer, meanwhile, 70 year old Denis Hughes, "is decidedly unimpressed" by the whole thing. Wise man.
The Argus told the remarkable story of a frail pensioner, 65 year old Nancy Gallagher, who survived for three days in an undiscovered car wreck while her life long friend, 83 year old Canon Ambrose Woods, lay dying beside her. "He died almost 20 hours after the crash, but not before the close friends had talked about death," the Argus told us.
For a further 41 hours, Nancy survived, sustained by "her deep faith" plus her "determination to ensure that Canon Woods had a proper priest's funeral". Nancy had been Canon Woods's housekeeper for 37 years, during which time he administered mostly in Ashford, in Kent. The friends were driving along a favourite route, the scenic mountain road that links the villages of Carlingford and Omeath, when their car overturned and tumbled down an embankment.
"By lunchtime on Tuesday the canon was deteriorating," Nancy recalled. "And when he said that he was going to die, I told him not to be talking like that. `Don't talk bull', I told him, `you will survive us all'."
The newspaper also told us that "her one personal regret was how many times she vented her temper and "peppery tongue" on the deceased, though "he accepted me with all my warts".
The politician given the task of greeting Michelle Smith at Dublin Airport will need Olympic standard poise. "Will Michelle shame the politicians" asked the Longford Leader, joining the call of many newspaper editors for an Irish 50 metre pool.
PLAYING a bit of politics' themselves, the Kilkenny People and the Munster Express went one further. Each argued the case for a 50 metre pool to be built in their areas, with the Kilkenny newspaper even offering to lead the campaign to make Kilkenny a specialist centre for the training of swimmers. It said too much went to Dublin, not to mention Galway, Cork and Waterford (yes, Waterford).
Kilkenny's greatest asset was that "Kilkenny is removed from the overgrown and frantic urbanisation which is Dublin today", the newspaper argued.
We'll see what the people of Rathcoole think about that.
When the National Lottery was launched with the declared intention of funding sport, culture and the arts, we all thought the country would be strewn with 50 metre pools. But the lottery has become "robbery", believes Leitrim Observer columnist Ciaran Mullooly.
"By raiding the lottery funds and forking out money to health board projects, successive governments stand accused of the greatest abuse of powers seen in this country in recent years. I don't know about you but the next time I'm faced with a Lotto machine I'm going to think twice before handing over my money.
The Government's pattern of knee jerk political responses to the crime problem was exposed by a headline in the Mayo News "91 new gardai ... but just one for the West." We can all remember how before the focus fell on organised crime in Dublin, there was uproar over crime in the west after isolated elderly farmers were murdered.
West Mayo TD Seamus Hughes said the fact that only one of the 91 new gardai just commissioned at Templemore had been assigned to the west of Ireland (Roscommon town, to be exact) was "incredible" in light of recent concerns. The Galway Advertiser highlighted Fianna Fail senator Frank Fahey's response to the death of a 26 year old Tipperary man who was assaulted in the city. Up to 30 additional gardai are needed in Galway to stem the rising tide of lawlessness there, he claimed.
