In a single week, fabulous treasures were mine for the asking. Great wealth. University degrees. A hunky body. Pristine credit. Bigger breasts. Snoreless nights. Enhanced sexual endowment. Sure-fire stock tips. And a potion to make me irresistible to both men and women.

In other words, I got a week's worth of spam, unsolicited junk e-mail. In a single seven-day period, a total of 107 spams found their way into my three e-mail inboxes.

The sheer volume of spam sent out over the Internet is overwhelming. A recent study by the European Commission determined that so much junk e-mail travels through the world's wires that it eats up an estimated $9.5 billion a year in connection costs.

Spam has become so ubiquitous and despised that many people don't even bother to open it. But I did. Some hawked mundane products, such as out-of-date software, golf balls and pagers. But the vast majority offered either get-rich-quick schemes or sexual fulfillment. All I had to do was follow directions. And pay fees, of course - ranging from about $30 to $2,000.

I answered many of the spams, receiving in return sales pitches via telephone, CD-ROM, video cassette, streaming audio and more e-mail. In the end I did not get rich. I still work here. Here's how things shook out.

"Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power and the admiration of all," read the e-mail that offered a university degree in the field of my choice without my ever stepping into a classroom or taking a test.

I called the number on the e-mail and it was returned by Danny Ramalotti, who said he was calling from Glencullen University in Dublin, Ireland.

"We give you full credit for your knowledge and life experience," he explained. "You can have either a bachelor's, a master's, an MBA or even a PhD." All it would cost - including honours if I "qualified" - was $1,900.

"If you went to Harvard, they would charge you $75,000 for the same thing," Ramalotti said. He provided a Glencullen web address, which contained information about the school's academics and pictures of students studying, going to sports events and generally aglow in an atmosphere of higher learning. The only problem is that Glencullen does not exist.

"There's no such place in Dublin," said journalist Harry Browne of The Irish Times, which has done stories on phony "Irish university" degrees.

Spy software

"The software they wanted banned in all 50 states!" The hidden power of the Internet is supposedly unleashed with this software, which allows you to "trace anyone by Social Security number", and the stalker's special: "Get anyone's name and address with just a license plate number. Find that girl you met in traffic."

Luckily for anyone who cares about privacy, the $15.95 software and a similar $25 downloadable product deliver on few of their promises. The Social Security and license plate links go to a paid site that requires a $250 sign-up fee before providing more information. Indeed, numerous sites linked to the software were no longer working or sorely out of date. Maybe the true reason this software was "banned" was because it's a rip-off.

Income opportunities

"Am I too late to cash in on the multimillion-dollar industry of the Internet explosion? The answer is NO."

"You can retire quickly!"

"Yes, you could be a millionaire!"

The vast majority of get-rich-quick spams I received invited me to become involved in multi-level marketing (MLM) - also known as network marketing - ventures. For a fee, you could join a company and then make money two ways - by selling a product and by bringing aboard more fee-paying sellers. You get a cut of the sales and fees generated by the sellers you bring in and the sellers they recruit and so on. MLMs are legal. But a venture disguised as an MLM also could be one of the most timeworn of scams, the pyramid scheme.

"A pyramid scheme is essentially a closed system where each person enters with the hope of making more money than they put in," said James Kohm of the Federal Trade Commission's consumer protection bureau. "But without enough significant retail sales to people outside the pyramid, that's not possible."

A pyramid earns profits only for those at or near the top of the structure. "Everyone else loses all or most of their initial investment," Kohm said. I called the toll-free number of the Institute of Global Prosperity. Brian, who returned my call, said that joining IGP would give me access to information "the state and federal governments don't want you to know". This information brings him $2,000 to $5,000 a week in income that is "judge proof, divorce proof and lien proof".

The next step was a one-hour conference call - complete with IGP veterans "stepping forward" to tell their success stories - that made it clear that IGP was in the business of presenting information on offshore investments. It also supposedly had devised methods to "legally" avoid income taxes.

The cost of admission: $1,250 for a 12-hour audio course. The tone of the call was unrelentingly upbeat, except when a probing question was asked about how the system could possibly work or be legal: "What exactly is your question?" Government questions may be more difficult to avoid. "In the largest Internal Revenue Service enforcement action ever taken," began a March IRS statement, three dozen search warrants were executed and four people arrested in connection with a probe into alleged illegal offshore investment programmes. IGP was specifically mentioned in the statement.

So then I called another 800 number, on the Internet Marketing Group e-mail, and found myself plunged into a recorded sea of true believers. Becky cleared $13,000 last month, Brad bought a million-dollar house and George reached his goal of making $7,000 a month "within two years of getting out of prison".

How did they do it? This programme was so good that a fee had to be charged just for more information. "This eliminates the people who are not serious," said the announcer, assuring me that selling information on the programme was not the way the group makes its money. I would get a video, audio tape and printed materials, all for $44.95.

The video contained more testimonials, including one from company leader Leah in her dream house. (Unfortunately, it seems she didn't have enough money left over for a good decorator.) The audio and booklets had more of the same. There was still no clue to the nature of the product, but I was contacted by my "personal coach", Moe Mohamed.

That call led to another taped message, which in turn took me to three websites. They contained pep talks, in text and animation, on network marketing. But I still didn't know anything about the product.

"Win! Win! Win!"

Several online casinos, all of whose sites were registered in foreign countries (Nassau seems especially popular), offered to allow me to play blackjack, roulette and slot machines for real money. I had to deposit a sum with them first. The laws on this matter are a bit murky, said Christopher Painter of the Department of Justice's computer crimes section. Few prosecutions have been attempted, he said.

"The biggest gamble of all is that these things are completely fake," Painter said. "The player has no real idea."