At last the monologue on domestic violence is becoming dialogue. To date, debate has been stifled and culpability for family violence presented as a one-way street. Unbalanced feminist theories have been accorded the status of articles of faith and no other viewpoint tolerated. Criticism or contradiction, even when supported by hard research, was largely dismissed out of hand with irrational invective.

The Minister of State for Justice and Equality, Mary Wallace, stated in a recent letter to The Irish Times: "I am aware of the organisation AMEN . . . and I wish them well in their valuable work . . . We should recognise the need for the organisations working to help victims and support them in their work."

But where is the support for male victims? Ms Wallace defends the Government's failure to recognise, and provide support for, male victims on the grounds that she did not create the situation but inherited it. This is not acceptable from a Minister in office for over three years. Regardless of what she inherited she now has responsibility for domestic violence and is in a position to make a difference. Her token references to male victims are meaningless while she persists with policies and support structures that exclude men.

Ms Wallace informs us that she "was appointed by An Taoiseach as the chairperson of the National Steering Committee on Violence Against Women". She was also appointed Minister of State for Equality. By definition, equality must mean inclusiveness. Serving as chairwoman of a committee on violence which excludes men and their representatives is incompatible with her portfolio and presents a shameful caricature of a minister for equality.

Ms Wallace also talks of "independent research" conducted by the ESRI, entitled "Violence in Intimate Relationships". This questionnaire begins by stating: "If you need any help filling out this questionnaire please feel free to contact the Womens Aid Helpline". Like most of the research which is quoted by the women-are-the-only-appropriate-victims lobby, this "research" precludes the possibility of men as victims and women as perpetrators. Would it be acceptable to carry out research on victims of sectarian violence in Northern Ireland by confining it solely to the Catholic community?

Our website (www.amen.ie) carries details of over 100 verifiable and substantial studies by some of the most respected and renowned researchers in this field, which show men and women abuse each other in equal numbers.

John Waters has made the point that statistics on reporting are unreliable because men are reluctant to report the abuse. Additional barriers facing men are fear of being ridiculed, not being believed, presumption of guilt and the realisation that, regardless of who is at fault, they will lose their homes and their children in the hostile, anti-man family-law system.

Monica McWilliams, of the Northern Ireland Women's Coalition, bemoans the fact that the debate ends up in an antagonistic division between those who work with abused men and those who work with women. Ms Wallace has expressed similar sentiments. The division exists because of the denial of the reality of the male victim which remains the basis of Ms Wallaces domestic violence policies. This is not the way forward.

Millions of pounds of taxpayers' money has been spent on providing comprehensive support structures, research and financial assistance for groups providing support for female victims of domestic violence, while virtually nothing is provided for male victims.

If the Minister, Ms McWilliams and others are genuinely concerned about the issue of domestic violence, no matter what its source, let them avoid the partisan approach. Let them abandon sectarian committees and treat all citizens with human dignity and true equality.

Domestic violence must not be used as a device to secure empowerment of one section of society at the expense of another. When all victims are treated with equal respect and support regardless of their sex, the divisions will end. Perhaps then a comprehensive and effective policy to tackle the dynamics of family violence will emerge. However, that will require a sea change in the policies and attitudes of Ms Wallace and her colleagues in other Departments.

Over the years the women's movement has done much to improve the position of women. No doubt there was a time when it faced resistance and was denied the right to articulate its grievances and experiences. One would expect that in more enlightened times those in positions of power and influence would facilitate all groups, men included, to speak out about the issues affecting their lives, rather than suppressing them.

Unfortunately, organisations supporting men and articulating men's views are not treated with the same respect as women's groups. In this regard, Ms Wallace is proving no more enlightened than her predecessors. True equality between the sexes in this matter will not be achieved until the political establishment grants parity of esteem to groups speaking for and supporting men.

While domestic violence is used as an ideological weapon, men, women and children will continue to suffer needlessly. We need to see it for what it is - a personal and a social issue affecting human beings in their most intimate and vulnerable relationships.

Domestic violence is a serious and traumatic reality and half measures only make the suffering and trauma worse for those who are ignored. In fact, if the remedy being offered turns out to be little more than the empowerment of one sex at the expense and suffering of the other, then the cure is worse than the disease.

We must examine in its totality the dynamics of relationships in order to find a way out of the morass. It is of paramount importance that remedies are found so we can all enjoy our entitlement to healthy relationships free of violence, fear and guilt. The solution should be inclusive and informed by the experiences of women, children and men.

Mary Cleary is national co-ordinator of AMEN, a confidential advice service for men in violent relationships