1. I'm not sure my liver is Y2K compliant.

2. New Year's Eve is on a Friday: the pubs will be jammed; no taxis for love nor money. Business as usual really.

3. It's too cold for street parties in December; why wasn't Jesus born in the summer?

4. RTE will squander our licence fee putting on coverage which no one with a life will watch.

5. Prophets of doom keep saying the world will end but, come January 1st, it will be business as usual.

6. Smug computer nerds will make a fortune fixing the computers of technophobes like me.

7. The same smug computer nerds will plant a new bug in my computer for when the current lump of dosh runs out.

8. Pulp's Living it up in the Year 2000 will be played to death in discos across the Western world.

9. Ireland will lose the Six Nations rugby matches, millennium or no millennium.

10. The media will continue to bore us to death with millennium-hype pap like this.