Christmas can be the hardest time for the relatives of missing persons - because it is also the time when hopes of them making contact are raised, they tell Olivia Kelleher.

Cork tennis coach Pearse Cremin has been missing for more than four years but his mother buys mayonnaise on a regular basis just in case he comes home. It is a symbolic gesture as Pearse was the only person in the family who liked mayonnaise with his food. But for Monica Cremin the very act of buying a jar at the supermarket keeps her son's memory alive.

Pearse's sister, Siobhán, says there was a poignant moment recently when she was going through a Christmas hamper with her mother. "There was a jar of mayonnaise in there, and in a way that helped my mother a lot," she says. "It is the small things really. She wants things to be as they were in case he comes back. She loves talking about him, it keeps her going. She has a scrapbook of articles that have been in the papers since he went missing and she goes through that sometimes. She is strong but it is very hard on her."

Pearse (32), from Glasheen Road, in Cork city, disappeared on October 31st, 2000. A week after his disappearance, he was spotted filling up his car at a service station in Cork. There was also a positive sighting that Christmas, but all leads went dead. Siobhán says it would be the answer to all of her prayers if Pearse turned up on the doorstep of her home.

Christmas Day has been an emotional roller-coaster for the Cremins over the last few years. There is always the expectation that Pearse will make contact and then immense sadness when a phone call doesn't materialise. However, Siobhán believes her brother is alive and is hopeful that he will come home in the near future.

"I think Pearse is still in Ireland," she says. "I would we be asking him to get in touch. Nothing is going to be said. He has no reason to be afraid of coming home. In some ways I think the longer he is away the harder it is to come home."

Missing in Florence

American mother of two Terri Mullaney is facing the bleak prospect of a second Christmas without her beloved 22-year-old son, Matt. He left an Irish pub in Florence, Italy, on February 1st 2003 and hasn't been seen since.

Matt had taken a leave of absence from his university course in Connecticut and arrived in Florence in January 2003 to begin art school. Terri Mullaney says her son seemed to be settling in well prior to his disappearance.

There have been various unconfirmed sightings of Matt in Italy, England and Ireland. Last January three men reported that they had a conversation with a man who resembled Matt in Galway.

Terri says Matt was very proud of his Irish roots and she thinks he may be living in this country.

The mother of two has been relentless in her search for her son. She can't even begin to imagine why her happy-go-lucky son disappeared.

"I would imagine any parent of a missing child feels pain every day, as I do," she says. "My first thought when I open my eyes is that Matt's still not here, and he's the last person I think of when I close my eyes at night. I can still hear the sound of his voice in my head saying 'hi mom' - and that brings me some comfort. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice or his smile."

Terri last saw her son on January 10th, 2003. She has put up a $50,000 reward for information on his whereabouts and prays that someone will come forward with news of Matt.

"One day you are feeling it is going to happen any day now and the next you don't want to get out of bed. But you do, and with a determination that won't quit until you get an answer," she says. "Our hope and prayers are that someone will see Matt out there and come forward. He was never in trouble. We used to say we were waiting 'for the shoe to drop' with Matt because he was always so easy- going and never gave us a day's worry."

One of Terri's fears is that Matt may have ended up on the streets. Matt worked for charities that provided services for the homeless and sometimes his mother thinks how ironic it would be if he were now in that situation himself.

Terri says her son had a social conscience from an early age. She has fond memories of a day trip to Boston when Matt was about 10 years old. The youngster had been given pocket money and when he saw a homeless man he placed $10 in his cup.

"I was so proud of him and taken aback by what he had done," she says. "He was always very sensitive to the plight of the homeless. He worked for charities throughout the years and he loved it. Sometimes I think he could be in that situation. It's so hard to think about but, realistically, I go there at times."

Terri is facing a series of heartbreaking anniversaries relating to her son. November 5th was Matt's birthday and she also had to endure Thanksgiving without knowing what had become of him. Now she is heading towards Christmas and the New Year without any news of his whereabouts. Meanwhile, January 10th will mark the second anniversary of the last time she saw her precious son prior to his trip to Italy.

"None of them [the anniversaries] are easy," she says. "I ask that when you are walking the streets please keep your eyes open and look at the people that pass you by. Our hopes and prayers are that someone will see Matt out there and come forward. To the other parents of missing loved ones, we pray that you have your answers soon."

Last seen in Limerick

Reiltin Shanahan, from Limerick, says Christmas has never been the same since her 19-year-old brother, Aengus, went missing on February 14th, 2000. He was last seen near Coopers Bar on Joseph Street in Limerick. He had planned to go to a disco with friends, but failed to turn up.

The baby of the family, his absence has been hugely upsetting for his mother, Nancy, who had a stroke a short time after he disappeared.

Reiltin says she would prefer to find out what happened to Aengus even if the news is bad. It is the not knowing which is the worst torment for families like the Shanahans.

"On Christmas Day everyone really feels it," she says. "The day is all about family, and we miss Aengus. My dad has been brilliant. He put posters up everywhere and he was even on the Late Late. It is especially hard for my mum because Aengus is the baby of the family. You are always wondering what happened to him. You just want to know."

Reiltin says that if a family member dies, you can grieve their passing and try to move on with your life. But there is no closure when a loved one is missing. She adds that it has been a "weird five years". She never expected that the nightmare would go on so long for her family.

"We have gone through every scenario," she says. "I still can't believe that somebody didn't see something the night Aengus went missing. He is missing five years in February so he can be declared legally dead. For my parents' sake as much as anything, I would be appealing for information. It is terrible for them. We want to know Aengus is well. He should know that he can always come home. There would be a big hug waiting for him. I don't want my parents to die without the knowledge of what has happened to him."

Missing links: where to start

Every year in Ireland thousands of people just don't come home. Most cases are resolved one way or another within days or weeks. But for some families, "missing" becomes an ongoing part of their lives.

A Dublin priest, Father Aquinas Duffy, set up a website for missing persons after his cousin, Aengus Shanahan, disappeared following a night out in Limerick four years ago.

Father Duffy says people who go missing often fail to realise just how devastating their actions are for family members and close friends. However, he says it is never too late for missing persons to come home. "I would be appealing to anyone who has been a long time out of contact to get in touch with their families. People are not going to be asking you questions. I know when my cousin Aengus went missing my uncle said that if he had come back in the first few days they probably would have been angry with him and asked him where he was. But at this stage they just want to hug him. There wouldn't be any questions."

Father Duffy says that for families of the missing it is not about asking why; all they want is to be reunited with a beloved spouse or child. He also appeals to members of the public who may have any information on a missing person case to come forward. People often feel their information is insignificant but Father Duffy stresses that even the tiniest detail can lead to a breakthrough.

"You just don't know what is going to solve a case, so we would be asking people to make that call to gardaí if they know anything," he says. "One call would mean so much to families. It could end their nightmare for them."

Father Duffy's Missing Persons website (www.missing.ws) was established in 2000. The priest was one of a number of concerned individuals who made their telephone numbers available for people to contact prior to the establishment of the National Missing Persons Helpline.

Meanwhile, of the estimated 2,000 people who are reported missing in the State every year, around 20 are never heard from again. Gardaí distinguish between those who are acceptably and unacceptably disappeared. About 500 people are considered acceptably missing each year. They chose to go missing, and people are not worried for their safety. Most eventually return home.

It is important to note that any person aged more than 18 years is entitled in law to go missing of his or her own free will.

The National Missing Persons Helpline is at 1850-442552