The Disney experience might be sugar-sweet but it's also thrilling, which is why Tony Clayton-Leaand family are still reeling from a stay in the Walt Disney World Resort.
It would be true to say that our family are, by this stage, veterans of the thrill-ride/theme-park experience. We have been to England's Alton Towers three times and have not yet tired of the special familial bonding that comes with screaming at each other, and to anyone else who will listen, while plummeting down or soaring up at speeds that would make Eddie Irvine blanch.
So a visit to the Disney Resort was something we had always wanted to do, yet without succumbing to the all-encompassing reach of the kinds of characters that are synonymous with Disney. In other words, the kids have grown out of wanting to character-dine with Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and Donald. As for having their picture taken with Snow White or Alice in Wonderland? Like, puh-lease.
So it was with ne'er a high-ho, high-ho that we ended up in Orlando 10 days ago, lodging at the quaint if reproduced turn of the last century New Orleans hotel, the Boardwalk Inn. Daily temperatures of 95 degrees Celsius meant we had to take it slowly and methodically, so we started at Epcot, which was closest to the hotel.
That said, unless we started each day in each theme park from 8am, there was no way we could spend the amount of time required to fully cover all the ground and all the rides - Epcot, for example, stretches over 260 acres, while the signature Magic Kingdom is a mere 122 acres. So strategic pacing was the key to our stay.
Epcot, our first land of call, provided science-based fun via Mission: Space, a flight simulator that was developed in association with Nasa. Disney's most advanced attraction, the ride applies centrifugal force that first mimics the G-forces of a rocket launch and then the weightlessness of space. It spins, too - up to 2Gs (twice Earth's gravity). While this might sound horrific to the armchair traveller, the G force is actually less than that utilised by many roller coasters, but this was still a cool and often exhilarating experience.
Other rides at Epcot failed to come close. Test Track felt quite tame (it's a car proving ground ride that had plenty of sharp turns but no sudden-gasp loops, drops or corkscrews), while Soarin' (a flight simulator involving a multi-seat hang glider and an 80ft projection dome) may have attention to detail (hidden fans, unseen odourisers, surround-sound speakers), but it lacked impact.
Next up was the Rock'n'Roller Coaster (at Disney-MGM Studios). This is subtitled "starring Aerosmith" (a branding that connects with the love affair quite a few Americans have with rebel-yell, hoo-haa rock music) and engagingly pitches the band as the kind that you'd gladly go on a roller-coaster ride with.
While the signage in the lead-up to the actual ride is time-warp rock'n'roll (lots of vintage music posters, authentic sound equipment), the ride itself is bang on here-and-now. From the off, you're blasted up to 60mph in less than three seconds, rocketing into the Los Angeles nightscape with, yes, Aerosmith on the soundtrack. The remainder of the ride is mild by comparison (no steep drops, unfortunately), but those opening seconds make the palms sweat.
Did we mention steep drops? Step right into the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror (also at Disney-MGM Studios), a thrill ride that has been revised several times since its debut in 1994. Everything about this one is perfect - the set-up of the creepy Hollywood Tower Hotel that in 1939 was hit by a massive bolt of lightning which destroyed two wings and two elevator shafts. As you enter the hotel, now reopened, you are ushered into the library. Lights go out, a crackling television switches on and what appears to be an episode of The Twilight Zoneis screened, with the show's host, Rod Sterling, telling an improbable tale about a maintenance service elevator. And then you're shown to the service elevator.
What happens next is quite likely the freakiest thrill-ride experience I've ever had - violently fast movements, metallic shutter noises, a little bit of expertly controlled insanity. You have no idea how good this one is - even writing about it is sending a shiver through my fingers.
Er, did I just mention the word shiver? If thrill-seeking is your thing, then how about packing up your rucksack and heading off to Nepal on the Everest Expedition?
Located in Disney's Animal Kingdom, this is the one for smart-minded rollercoaster freaks - a megaride that blends mischief, myth, mind games, sudden drops, jerks and speed. It's also the one thrill ride it's best not to get a Fastpass for, as the lead-up queue takes you through a museum of Himalayan artifacts (Disney imported over 8,000 authentic items from Asia for it). Everest Expedition is probably the jewel in Disney's thrill-ride crown; what starts as a tranquil trip through a forest turns into an intense chase through a mountain (actually three free-standing structures, the engineering of which took over 15 track designs and a full year to devise completely). It's a clever ride, too, that utilises duration, length, height and speed. It might not go upside down or corkscrew (generally speaking, two of the most important factors of the thrill-ride experience) but it climbs up to 200ft in the air, stops twice at heights you'd rather not look down from, travels backwards (in total darkness), has a swift, startling 80ft drop, and hits top speeds of 50mph.
If you can get to this one at night you have the added bonus of looking at the mountain lit up in spooky orange and purple colours and not being able to see the track, which means you're never really sure where you are or where you're going.
After the heat and sweat of the thrill rides, it's time to cool down in one of Disney's Water Parks and be scared witless (and whatever else might rhyme). At Blizzard Beach there are several ways in which to have thrills while wearing swimwear and trying not to look like Andy Capp at Benidorm. The 250ft flume Slush Gusher is an easy one to start off with: top speeds of 50mph with the added bonus of a particularly steep drop-off courtesy of sneaky Disney designers. There are also the usual water-park slides based on toboggan-race principles, but these are more friendly than scary. If you really want the latter, then prepare to queue for the Summit Plummet. If you thought that the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror put the fear of the Lord into you, then you thought wrong.
The Summit Plummet is truly, madly, deeply scary - the tallest, fastest water slide in America. Read the figures: a 66-degree 350ft chute that includes a 120ft-free-fall slide where speeds of 60mph can be reached. Readers, I'm still trembling. And oh so glad to be back home on dry land. Never again. No, really.
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Top five Disney trip survival tips
Use Fastpass.You'll skip the queues for the most popular attractions with this free automated reservation system that saves you a place in line at a time (generally a window of one hour) later in the day. Each Disney Park ticket holder can get only one Fastpass at a time, but can accumulate several throughout a day's visit. The free service isn't very well promoted, however, which means good news for those organised enough to take advantage of it.
Keep a camera with you at all times.There will be plenty of perfect photo opportunities for when members of the family find themselves in embarrassing situations or are scared witless on one of the thrill rides.
If you are super organised, you can reserve a table at one of Disney's best restaurants, California Grill(at Disney's Contemporary Resort), which includes fine dining accompanied by a bird's eye view of impressive fireworks displays.
Do not underestimate how long it takes to travel on Disney transportation. If you really want to fit in as much fun as possible in the shortest amount of time, hire a car. This way, you won't be milling in with the masses and can arrive and depart on your own schedules.
Dress for comfort.You'll be walking miles every day, so make sure your footwear is well broken in.
