When it comes to motherhood, anyone having a baby over the age of 35 is deemed to be going through a “geriatric pregnancy” or to be of an “advanced maternal age”.
The terminology is used due to the higher risk of health conditions and the need for reproductive assistance for mothers in their mid-30s, but in any other aspect of life, at this age, they would be classed as being in their prime.
There are approximately 60,000 babies born in Ireland each year and, despite the medical phraseology, half of them are welcomed into the world by mothers of at least 33 years of age. In fact, figures from the CSO have shown the number of babies born to mothers over the age of 40 has risen by a third over just a 10-year period.
Yvonne Reddin’s first child, Finn (now 22), arrived when she was 31 years of age. She gave birth again at 42 – to twins Sonny and Connie (now 11).
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With a significant gap between her two pregnancies, she describes how it felt to become a mother for the second time, while no longer in the full flush of youth.
“There is an 11-year gap between my first son being born in Australia and when I had my twins in Dublin,” she says. “Both pregnancies were very different, as my first son was born naturally in the Royal Randwick hospital in Sydney. I had to be induced and it was a long, hard birth. But my recovery was quick, probably because of my age and because it was a natural delivery. I had miscarried the year before Finn was born and we were devastated, so this was a very happy time for me. But, as time went on, I began to feel slightly isolated and alone and eventually moved back to Dublin to start a new life as a single mam when Finn was three and a half.
“Eleven years later, in a new relationship, I found out that I was having twins. To say I was shocked is an understatement, but, gradually, as my belly grew, the reality set in and I started preparing. The pregnancy was fantastic and I honestly felt the healthiest I have ever felt. This time around I wasn’t a smoker, I didn’t particularly socialise and was probably fitter than I was when I was 31 – and felt well able for the pregnancy, even at 42.”
The mother of three, who is a writer, says the pregnancy went really well and although looking after two newborns was difficult, she soon got to grips with it, despite finding herself on her own once again.
“During the pregnancy I was lucky and didn’t have any sickness. But I did have terrible indigestion, which I believe is normal when carrying twins – and I remedied this with numerous glasses of orange juice and bicarbonate of soda, which worked well. The pregnancy went full term and I wanted to deliver them as naturally as possible so I could recover quicker. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t dilating enough and underwent an emergency C-section.
“Everything went well, but I felt it was so difficult to look after them both while my section healed, as it took me four months to stand up straight. Also, at this time, my relationship fell apart and again I found myself as a single parent, now to three children.”
The 53-year-old says that, despite medical terminology making it sound like anything over 35 is too old to have a baby, her experience proved otherwise. But she says it is important to find the right support. “I was classed as a geriatric pregnancy which didn’t sit right with me,” she says.
“I think this should be discarded terminology as so many mothers have children at an older age now. My friend was 48 when she had a second child and, from my experience, the two pregnancies didn’t feel dissimilar as I was in a healthy space at both ages.
“However, because I was an older mother, my support network, (my parents) was older and my friends had moved on as their children were not the same age, so I found myself looking to connect with other older mothers, just to stay sane.
“So, my advice is to find a support network with other mothers, as we learn from listening to each other. Stay healthy and exercise if you can, as it does help with running around after toddlers. Try and find some ‘me’ time as it will keep you sane, and join support groups online, if you can’t get out in person. Your children will keep you young, but if you want to be a mother over 40, it means looking after yourself more, so you can enjoy it all.”
Evelyn Pepperrell was four years younger than Yvonne when she had her third child, Callum (now 15), and says although she had her first, Eimear (now 23), when she was 30, there was a seven-year gap until her second, Daniel (now 16), was born and there were some issues with being older.
“All three pregnancies went smoothly, I felt well and healthy and each of the deliveries were by C-section with epidural,” she says. “I was 31 having Eimear, so there was no feeling that I was older than the norm, but rocking up for my appointments, aged 37 and 38, respectively, I was labelled a geriatric mother, which although I thought was a little degrading at first, I chose to enjoy the funny side of it.
“But I felt that there were some challenges to being close to 40, as I certainly had more energy at 31 and bounced back quicker from the first section. But, I do feel that there was an advantage to having my children later in life as my husband Michael and I were better established on the home and earning front, and emotionally I felt the benefits of maturity when dealing with the day-to-day concerns as well, and I also felt more self assured making bigger decisions.”
The 54-year-old, who lives in Limerick with her husband and children and works part-time in social media engagement, says being an older mother has had many benefits. “I feel that it has given me inner strength and wisdom, as well as a stronger sense of self, work and life experience, which is a positive legacy to pass to our children. With age also comes a lower tolerance for nonsense which is fruitful when needing to call a spade a spade.
“For the most part, I have found parenting to be a steep learning curve about myself, Michael and the children, as well as a wonderful experience. As the children grow and develop, you think you have the hang of it, and then they change again so it is important to keep the communication channel open. My parents had me and my siblings young, as was the fashion. Mum had three of us under the age of three when she was 24, and I don’t think I would have coped with the responsibility of young children at such a young age myself.”
Having successfully navigated the trials and tribulations of her children’s childhood, the Limerick woman says she would encourage anyone who has concerns about being an older mother to just relax, rely on their gut feeling and take the experience as it comes.
“If you are fit, well and determined, I would say to just trust your instinct and go for it,” she says. “As mothers we are the best advocates for our children, they have our DNA and we will know them better than anyone else so by all means listen to advice from others, but always trust your own instinct. Of course, you should nurture your support system and let people know they are valued for when you are ready to accept help – as it takes a village to raise a child.
“Before giving birth, book a well-informed post natal class adviser – some of the best advice I was given included being realistic with expectations for the birth plan (Mother Nature has her own path), and ensuring the dads feel part of any decisions and they are our gate keepers when we need rest.
“I received phenomenal support from breast-feeding clinicians in the UK – where my daughter was born – which gave me the confidence to persevere and give the boys that nutrition for the first couple of months. This is something that mums feel frustration and guilt with as it takes a few days for milk to find its flow.
“Overall, I feel content that I had the opportunity to have a career, to travel and to enjoy the independence of living on my own in my 20s – and I have absolutely no regrets.”
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