“Do you have Aladdin?” the voice on the end of the phone asked.
“The school app?” I replied, wondering where this conversation was going.
“Yes,” my friend answered. “Of course you do. Because everyone bloody does. But does that stop them?” she demanded.
I had an inkling who “them” was, but my friend was in full flow, so I let her at it. It was January 23rd, 2025. The day before Storm Éowyn. Or the big red weather warning storm, as those who were there and remember it well, fondly call it. And the notification that the schools were to close the next day had gone out on her Aladdin app.
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This wasn’t the source of her stress. It was the fact that someone had screenshot the message and shared it in her class WhatsApp group, thus springing the group into life. “We all have Aladdin. So, we all got the message. And we all knew it was coming, anyway, because it was all over the news. But still some lick has to be the first one to post it in the group, and now the next hour will be spent with my notifications going off as they all go, “thanks Julie”. “Oh, you’re so good for letting us know, Julie.” “Cheers, Julie.” “Oh, fair play, Julie.”
I should clarify that my friend has a weird relationship with her phone. We openly tease her for it
Only it didn’t stop there. Because my friend has three children in school. And that screenshot turned up in each of the three class groups, where a similar response pattern broke out.
“I swear to God, this just tips me over the edge. I mean I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with these WhatsApp groups when menopause hits!” she continued.
At the risk of terrifying helpful parents everywhere — or mortally offending my own WhatsApp groups who are well used to my own “what’s this, now”? reply to helpful reminders, which prove rarely to be reminders to me anyway — I should clarify that my friend has a weird relationship with her phone. We openly tease her for it. She’s the sort of person who uses the phone to ring people, in that whole retro vibe. And she doesn’t even text beforehand to see if the person she’s ringing is okay with her ringing.
Like I said, retro.
She finds the whole WhatsApp thing very intrusive. She’s not keen that a lot of people she doesn’t know very well have her phone number in the interest of class co-ordination. She recently got a text that began: “Hi” and so she immediately checked with me and another friend (we have a WhatsApp group) to see if one of us had changed number. “No,” we replied. To which she answered that she had blocked the number and deleted the message because the sender had used a full stop after the word Hi, which was a red flag to her, she said.
We were still of no use to her. Even after we’d stopped laughing at her
A little while later, having given the offending punctuation some thought, another message appeared in our group. “I’m thinking that might have been a parent sending on a party invite. And I might have been a teeny bit over the top. Does anyone know how to retrieve an unread, deleted message, whose number I’ve blocked on WhatsApp”?
We were still of no use to her. Even after we’d stopped laughing at her.
But even in the world of more proportionate responses to WhatsApp messages and WhatsApp groups, the incessant notifications, and claims of ever-so-subtle competition are enough to see plenty of parents rolling their eyes far back into their heads.
For some, it’s constant attempts to decipher what actually is for homework with multiple journals considered and multiple children consulted until the adults are content that the homework is accurate. For others, it’s the never-ending “is it tracksuit or uniform?” checks.
“Who cares?” exclaimed one parent in frustration.
And then there’s the added danger of alcohol. ‘Step away from social media when you’ve had a few,' goes the mantra
It’s the “has anyone seen X’s coat, on a daily basis” another parent offered. While one found herself quickly removed from, John’s 10th birthday group. “Oops, didn’t mean to invite him.”
And then there’s the added danger of alcohol. “Step away from social media when you’ve had a few,” goes the mantra. But alas having a few can make you forget that mantra and post unwisely in the group. One parent told the tale of two parents who posted a video of themselves “absolutely twisted, dancing around their livingroom. It was there for about an hour before one of them copped it and deleted it. But everyone had seen it. Everyone.”
While another parent shared that time a mum in their WhatsApp group decided to tell them all to f**k off, before having to apologise the next day.
Yet, despite the occupational hazards, we stay. WhatsApp groups are like Hotel California. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
