Yesterday, Jennifer O'Connell wrote about the 37 signs that you might be Irish. Denise Mooney, who has been living in Australia for over a decade, has come up with her own list of the 15 things that summarise what it is like to be Irish abroad. A birra fun for St Patrick's Day:
1) People think your accent is cute, which has the happy effect of making you appear more attractive than you actually are.
2) Until one day someone says your accent is very mild. Then you become paranoid about losing your accent.
3) You can get away with being a little eccentric on account of the Irish being such “mad b******ds”.
4) You find yourself explaining the cultural significance of curry chips and arguing about the skill involved in a game of hurling. No one but you finds this interesting.
5) You tell everyone you’re from “just outside Dublin” to avoid the blank looks and the “is that near the ring of Kerry?” questions.
6) You never cared for Tayto’s or Barry’s tea when you lived back home, but now you beg for regular care packages in case you should fade away for the want of a Clonakilty sausage.
7) The longer you spend away from home, the more inclined you are to morph into a wannabe Gaeilgeoir, spouting your cúpla focal, crying to Christy Moore songs and giving your kids Irish names that no one can spell (the craythurs).
8) When you go back to Ireland it’s clear that, not only are you a foreigner in your adopted country, you are now foreign there too, judging by the frequent references to “them Australians”.
9) Similarly on these trips, you are accused of being a health freak because you go for a run once a week or occasionally put something green on your plate.
10) You realise how messed up a lot of Irish Catholic traditions are. How did we ever think it was ok to dress little girls up as brides?
11) You appreciate how brilliant a lot of Irish Catholic traditions are. We are really awesome at death for example.
12) You miss how socially acceptable it is to weave a stream of curses into everyday conversation.
13) You hear about this thing called “tall poppy syndrome” and realise that even though Aussies take credit for it, the Irish invented it.
14) You spend Christmas Day Skyping and missing home and falling apart to Tommy Tiernan DVDs.
15) You might have a glass of wine in the sunshine on Paddy’s Day, but you’re dreaming of the high stool and a creamy pint of Guinness (because the weather doesn’t matter when you’re on the high stool, right?).
So to everyone back home: Lá fhéile Pádraig sona dhuit.
