EATING OUT: Why do so many arts institutions serve dull, catering-company cuisine, wonders Tom Doorley.
Do you expect really good food in places such as the National Concert Hall? I don't suppose so. These public venues have an unsavoury habit of farming out catering to companies which are in the business of mass-feeding. Why this should be so, I simply don't know. I can only assume that convenience is the appeal. It doesn't have to be like this. The café at the Chester Beatty Museum in Dublin Castle is a shining example of what can be done.
Kylemore's new operation at the NCH is pretty dull. I'm not sure if the short menu has been designed as a kind of deranged stab at being fashionable (in which case it's way out of date) or if it has been put together by a committee of some sort. Either way, it doesn't really work.
Let's take a short tour of what's on offer. Starters are "homemade" soup of the day (meaning, presumably, that it didn't come out of a packet), "Greek style tossed salad", deep-fried calamari (squid to you and me), "Asparagus Flamande" (in deepest autumn), and duck spring rolls accompanied by "cherry vinegar dressing" which is a new one on me.
The soup was cauliflower, and I have to say I found it profoundly unpleasant ... I could forgive its beige colour, but not the smell and taste of overcooked cabbage (all brassicas taste, at heart, of cabbage) with its subtly horrible reek of sulphur. Does anybody in the kitchen actually taste this stuff before it goes to the table?
The ... er ... calamari was outstandingly terrible. Now you might have expected rings of squid encased in crisp, light batter. So did I. What we got was what I can only describe as squid doughnuts. Thick rings of bready, dense batter did, indeed, contain squid which, when bitten, retracted into the deep cavern of coating. I have eaten some dire squid in my time, but this was extraordinarily bad. The rings came with a sweet chilli sauce and a garlic/yoghurt concoction. The latter had a sulphurous whiff, something that happens when you use garlic that is prepared too far in advance or a dried form.
There was nothing among the mains to frighten the horses. Apart from the usual suspects, "grilled medallion of beef fillet" (surely just beef fillet?) and "pan fried breast of Cajun spiced chicken" (see what I mean?) there's a smoked chicken risotto, salmon with couscous and a few pasta variations.
We decided to keep it simple (something that Kylemore doesn't seem to have considered) and had "beer battered fish of the day and chips" which turned out to be quite good. Mind you, fish and chips are not exactly challenging. Two fillets of plaice were eminently fresh, encased within a crisp, light batter that would have been great with the squid, and came with crisp, dry chips and a dollop of rather commercial tartare sauce which was heavy on cornichons and light on capers. Even if it was "homemade" I would suggest that several better versions can be had ready-prepared in jars.
Our other simple main course was braised shank of lamb. This was moist, tender and tasted of proper meat, but the accompanying sauce smelled, to me at any rate, of oxtail soup or stock cubes. If it was a meat reduction, pure and simple, I wonder how they managed to achieve this unusual effect. Sautéed mini-spuds and chewy, rather coarse shallots made up the rest of the dish.
Affogato is meant to be ice cream with a shot of very hot espresso. It should not need a dash of Tia Maria, as was the case here, nor does it benefit from being presented in a cocktail glass. Having said that, this was not an unattractive dessert. The lemon cheesecake, however, was deeply unattractive: rubbery, over-sweet, glazed with a bizarre yellow substance the shade of a high-visibility vest. The crunch in the biscuit base seemed to come solely from sugar crystals. Even in the early days of our love affair with cheesecake, circa 1972, this would not have rated. With four glasses of wine and one good espresso, the bill for this extraordinary meal came to €70 before service.
The Terrace Café, National Concert Hall, Earlsfort Terrace, Dublin 2, 01-4750060, www.nch.ie
WINE CHOICE All 12 wines on the list are available by the bottle or by the glass, which makes a pleasant change. We found the Villiera Chenin/Sauvignon Blanc (€21.50/€4.30) rather too sweet, but Montana Sauvignon Blanc (€27.00/€5.50) was pungent and pleasantly grown-up. Montes Reserve Merlot (€27.00/€5.40) was plummy, oaky and pretty intense. Champagne Charles Lafitte NV is not really worth €65 and the Spanish fizz Codorniu is a bit steep at €40. Marqués de Caceres Rioja (€29.50/€5.90) may be reasonable enough, but is it a crianza, a reserva or a gran reserva? We need to be told. All in all, a wine list that matches the menu.