It’s A Wonderful Budget
Paschal is a hardworking local Minister for Finance in the sleepy town of Brexit Falls. He’s been advised to run a budget surplus in case of any fiscal shocks to the economy, but, eager to please everybody, he announces a giveaway budget, and soon everyone is blaming him when the economy takes a hammering after Brexit.
Desperate and alone, he sees no other way out but to jump into another Government portfolio – maybe something less taxing like Culture and Heritage. But just as he’s about to jump, a kindly angel stops him and gives him a glimpse of what the economy would have looked like if he hadn’t become Minister for Finance. After seeing that, he immediately jumps in to the river.
Miracle on Kildare Street
Is Leo the real thing, or just a product of spin? The heartwarming tale of a Taoiseach who no one believes in anymore. Struggling department store FG & Co finds its fortunes restored with the arrival of its new store Santa, a charismatic young chap named Leo who has the young folk enthralled.
Leo is so convincing in his festive socks, people start to believe he’s the real Santa. But one little boy, Micheál, is not fooled – he thinks it’s all “spin”. Can his friends convince him that Leo is “for real” before the confidence and supply agreement runs out on Christmas Eve?
Home Alone 7
Everyone’s fecked off for the Christmas, but they’ve been so busy with Brexit preparations, they’ve forgotten Little Michael D, and now he has to spend Christmas all alone up in the Áras. At first, little Michael is afraid, but then decides he quite likes it after all, and would be happy to be left alone there for another seven years. Little does he know that a ruthless gang, the Dragons, are lurking outside, intent on stealing the presidency. Can he “sleigh” the dragons and secure the Áras for another seven years?
The Wizard of Áras
An idealistic young Senator named Joan finds herself whisked into a strange, parallel world where the president actually has powers to enact legislation, set Government policy and solve all the problems of Irish society. A good witch tells her she must follow the Yellow Brick Road through a place called the Phoenix Park and find the Wizard of Áras, who will tell her how to become president.
Along the way, she encounters three dragons hoping to fire up their campaigns, a coven of witches who think they can bring a new broomstick to the presidency, and a bunch of yahoos looking to boost their social media profiles. When she finally meets the Wizard, he turns out to be a munchkin.
The Nightmare Before – and After – Christmas
The Trumpkin King thinks Christmas is a Democrat plot to make him look bad, so he decides he’s going to do the festive season his way. He fires Santa, deports all the elves and slaps huge tariffs on toys (well, most of them are made in China, anyway). When the kids come down to the tree on Christmas morning, they find scary tee-shirts and hats with the Trumpkin King’s image, and even scarier Trumpkin King dolls and action figures. When Trumpy finds out the kids didn’t appreciate his choice of presents, he rounds them all up and locks them in cages.
(S)Elf
Ivanka the Elf learns she’s actually a human, and that her real daddy is a well-known billionaire and leader of the free world named Donald. But Donald is on Santa’s naughty list, so Ivanka goes to Washington to try to convince her daddy to stop being horrid to everybody. Donald gives her a job in the White House, but she proves too politically naive to handle the cut-throat business of making America great again, so Donald assigns her some non-essential work, such as visiting high schools, attending photo-ops, and turning up at John McCain’s funeral. But then Ivanka uncovers a “deep state” plot to undermine the Donald and sabotage his policies from within. “Count me in!” she tells the shadowy conspirators.
How the Grinch stole Brexit
The people of Whoville live in delightful, splendid isolation, enjoying complete sovereignty and freedom to set their own immigration policy and trade with whomever they bloody well like. The town’s elders, Jacob, Boris and Nigel, have pledged to keep Whoville 100 per cent, er, Who-ish, with traditional Christmas pud and endless John Lewis ads on the TV. But their idyll is threatened by a nasty Grinch named Barnie, who rejects Whoville’s backstop proposals. Can little Theresa warm the Grinch’s cold heart and get a deal that will prevent a hard border in Whoville? This film promises to put the EU in Dr Seuss.
The Santa Clause
A wealthy businessman, Donald, accidentally crashes into Santa’s buggy on the golf course on Christmas Eve. Santa is injured and can’t deliver his presents, so Donald is told he must take over as Santa. So he delivers presents to all the rich, white kids, dumps the rest in the sea, then tweets what a great job he did. “I AM THE BEST FATHER CHRISTMAS EVER!” But no one wants a Bad Santa with yellow, wispy hair, and when the elves move to impeach him, he blames the fake media, fires Rudolph, and spends the holidays publicly bellyaching about his Chief Elf.
The Muppets Christmas Carol
The White House is being run by Muppets (I know, sounds implausible, but stay with me). They all work for Ebenezer Stooge, a greedy, unpleasant fellow who hates the holidays because they’re not about him, and who makes his staff toil day and night to cover up for his incompetence.
On Christmas Eve, he’s visited by the ghost of Christmas past in the form of a shapely adult film star, who mocks his golf swing, and the ghost of Christmas present in the form of a bald, muscular Russian leader, who reveals to him: “Ebenezer, I am your father.” There’s no sign of Christmas future, though, because Stooge has cancelled Christmas.
