Ever since we secured the services of a cleaning operative our house has been mercifully free from the domestic bickering - "Change the sheets." "No. You change the sheets" - that marred the previous five years.
Sadly, there are parts of my life that even the industrious and ever-patient Maria can't reach. So, with the season that's in it, instead of spring-cleaning I'm embarking on a toxic clean-up. It's well overdue.
There are some people in our lives, or on the periphery of our lives, we just shouldn't mix with. But even though we know the chemistry is all wrong we go back for more. It's like those science experiments where you know that adding X to Y will cause an explosion in the lab, but you can't resist, and it's too late for regrets when you are sitting outside the headmistress's office.
On her own, in the bosom of her family watching a wildlife documentary on Discovery Channel, Ms X is probably a really decent human being. Get her together with Ms Y and the molecular combination of their sometime friendship turns her into a jagged-toothed predator who won't be satisfied until she has picked Ms Y's dignity and self-worth to shreds.
A recent experience with a toxic acquaintance not a million miles from the one above left me wondering why I would ever bother with that person again. More importantly, it reminded me of others who tend to add about as much joy to my life as would, say, being forced to watch a DVD of Killinaskully from beginning to end. I've managed to get rid of a few toxic folk along the way, but it took time and tears, and the aftermath, when they don't know they've been dumped and you're too scared to tell them, is always tricky.
There are books for everything on Amazon, so I wasn't surprised to find one that advises on how to deal with those people in our lives who can be collectively known as toxic folk. You know the sort. The woman at work who never stops complimenting you but is forever trying to undermine you in front of the boss. The man who thinks you should always fit in with his very specific plans and attacks you viciously when he senses dissent. These are the close or casual friends who, according to one psychologist, "drain you emotionally, financially or mentally".
The book, Toxic People: 10 Ways of Dealing with People Who Make Your Life Miserable, by Lillian Glass, includes a quiz to determine how toxic your friends are. Unfortunately, it's out of print - demand understandably exceeded supply - but it was comforting to know I wasn't the only person who felt the need to detox.
I love Amazon's "Customers who bought this item also bought" section. Toxic People buyers also picked up Nasty People by Jay Carter, In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George Simon, I Thought I Was the Crazy One: 201 Ways to Identify and Deal with Toxic People by Ruthie Grant and - my favourite - Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry by Albert Bernstein.
A lot of us are struggling with the pain of hanging around with toxic folk, as it often takes years to recognise them. Fearful of the repercussions, you laugh off their negative outlook on everything from your choice of boyfriend to your choice of curtains. You are at a party and they'll laugh in your face about something you did, and even though you know they are laughing at you, not with you, you just smile and wait for it to pass. Not any more.
A friend who recently dumped a lot of toxic waste is still smarting from the experience. Her hurt stems more from frustration at herself for going down the well-worn path she knew would end this way than from any regret at losing her "friends".
She is thinking of setting up a website on which people could recount their stories of toxic relationships, toxic break-ups and all the lessons they learned. It would be gentle rip-off of Ratemyteacher.com, where toxic friends would be named and shamed and, with luck, come to see the error of their ways. It would be called Getawayfrommeyoumadthing.com, which she thinks says it all.
Myself, I like Mark Twain's take on toxic types and why you should avoid them. "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." More praise, less poison. Or is that too much to ask?