Shane Hegarty's encyclopaedia of moden Ireland
Not so long ago, there was a pretty easy way of deciding what constituted a gambling problem. If, on a beautiful midsummer's day, you could be found in a darkened bookie's, fretting as you listened to a commentary from a dog track in north Wales, then it's a sure bet you enjoyed a flutter just a little too much. On those days, there was no need for statisticians, surveys or guesstimates. A fire drill in every bookie's in the country would have flushed out the exact scale of the problem.
Now the internet has made it possible to develop a gambling addiction from the comfort of your own - soon to be repossessed - home. Bounce a few credit cards around, log on and you, too, can enjoy the thrill of wondering if this next hand of poker will feed yet another hand or whether it will mean you can't feed your kids.
It's great fun, all this gambling. And the Irish love a harmless punt. Anyone who says otherwise is just a spoilsport who should relax and enjoy the excitement of losing more money than they win. Especially during Galway and Cheltenham race weeks, when it is practically the duty of every citizen in the State to get a tip from a colleague who has a friend who has a share in a horse that once shared a horsebox with a gelding that's running in the 4.30.
Famously, the entire Government decamps to Galway each year. Maybe that's why there always seems to be an unexpected Budget surplus. It's great to have it, but let's just hope that the economy isn't utterly reliant on Lazy Boy squeezing home by a nose in the 3.15.
At the moment, though, the real action is in poker. It has become a phenomenon. Alongside the countless internet sites, there are virtual-poker TV channels, on which computerised cards zip across computerised tables. Which leaves you wondering if the only thing sadder than playing computerised poker through a TV screen is watching it. Yet late-night poker has become a TV hit. Even RTÉ shows it now. The set-up is always the same: a bit of Texas hold 'em featuring a couple of low-grade celebrities and some pros scratching their chins while an excitable commentator yells "Busted flush!" just to keep the viewers from nodding off.
Of course, the positive aspects of the game are always emphasised. It's always about the concentration and skill, never the unsavoury downside of gambling. But television poker would be so much more thrilling if the commentators were more honest.
"He's bluffing. For a guy with a destructive gambling addiction, that's a big risk." "Sure is, Brad. I hope his kids aren't expecting too much for Christmas this year." "He'd better have the Samaritans' number in his wallet." "Yeah, right next to his loan shark's. This guy's going to lose his thumbs."