Q I'm turning 40 and feeling terrified about it. I can't believe I'm so old. I look back on my life and feel as though I've got nothing to show for it. I have three kids all at school now, which I suppose is something, but I just feel really tired and fat. I want to feel like I did when I was younger, before I had the kids, and to have a bit more energy. Don't tell me to run, Grit Doctor, because wild horses won't get me to do that. But I would like some energy. Where can I get it from? Sharon
A I’m right there with you, Sharon, turning 40 next year. How do I feel about it? Quite frankly, I’m relieved. Well, that’s how I’m choosing to spin it, anyway. Relieved to be finally free of my 30s and to be young once more in a brand new spanking decade, the newbie again. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of being in my 30s and even more tired of looking tired for a thirtysomething. I reckon I’ll look fresh as a daisy for a woman in her 40s. And so will you.
It may be just spin but it sounds totally plausible, now that I’ve written it down, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, Sharon, but I’m feeling younger already.
I always look at my mother and mother-in-law, aged 67 and 70 respectively, and marvel at their youthful vitality. Sure they have bags under their eyes and wrinkles and the rest, but neither woman is remotely vain, both are entirely natural and they look fantastic.
Why? Simply because they smile and laugh easily, have a happy-go-lucky attitude and are completely free of bitterness. And trust me, that is a choice and has nothing to do with a set of favourable or unfavourable circumstances. They are happy and joyful quite simply because they choose to be.
A sunny disposition will wipe a decade off your face. That and some decent makeup. As for that telltale midriff of the mum-of-three? The Grit Doctor has the perfect solution.
Ultimately, all we ever have within our control is to choose an attitude, a point of view, a narrative to accompany the unalterable facts and circumstances of our lives. How we choose to spin it is all we’ve got because we can’t turn back time.
The bit that is most telling about your letter is the part that mentions “having three kids at school, which I suppose is something” just stuck in the middle almost as an afterthought.
Before looking at your attitude, which undoubtedly needs a revamp, let’s look at the unalterable facts. Three kids at school? This can only mean that you have spent the last decade of your life pregnant, breastfeeding, sleep-deprived, on your knees, covered in baby puke and crap – possibly all simultaneously – doing everything in your power to transform those babies into functioning human beings capable of doing up their shoelaces, wiping their own bums and coping in the big bad world of school. You have successfully launched three new lives into this world. That, my dear, is a massive achievement. Massive.
It takes its toll, there’s no doubt about that. And the remedy is exercise. I hear you on the running so I won’t try to persuade you into it, but walking? Surely you can give that a go?
It’s a brilliant exercise to get you fitter and healthier and to get those endorphins going again – and they help to foster a positive attitude to your body, boost self-esteem and help to regulate mood swings.
For optimum health, the minimum recommended amount of exercise is 30 minutes a day of moderate intensity physical activity five days a week, according to the Irish Heart Foundation.
You know you are walking fast enough when your heart rate goes up sufficiently that you can no longer lecture your dog quite so comfortably about the horrors of turning 40.
Plus, regular energetic walking may help with any dietary changes you need to make to reverse that cake-as-daily-staple type of eating that so often goes hand in hand with the exhausting job of raising little ones.
Regular exercise is the essential feature of a healthy lifestyle and the older we get, the more imperative it becomes. Why? Because it helps to offset everything that gets worse with age: a negative attitude, tiredness, feeling low, poor muscle tone, weight gain, apathy. So no more hiding behind all those reasons why you don’t/can’t/won’t do it. Walk, or make it your mission to find an alternative exercise that meets those minimum requirements. And do it now.
Now that the children are all at school, you can refocus on yourself. I don’t know what your situation is work-wise. If you are at home then great, you’ve at last got some time freed up for just that.
Use it to work towards personal goals that have been set aside since having the kids. What about reigniting an old passion? (I don’t mean start an affair.) Launching a new career? Getting really fit? Or all of the above?
Whatever you decide to do with this new decade, enjoy being young again within it. Your 39th year marks the end of the hardest decade of your life and by miles the most important one. And you have totally nailed it. So give yourself some credit.
The Grit Doctor says
Have a big party to celebrate the start of another epic decade. Wear Spanx.
Ruth Field is the author of Run, Fat B!tch Run and Get Your Sh!t Together
