Is there undue pressure on fathers to attend the birth of their children, writes BRIAN O'CONNELL
RECENTLY I posted a message on Twitter asking whether or not men should be present in the labour ward at the birth of their children. The range of responses was interesting, with some women feeling they could not tolerate their husband or partner’s presence and others feeling they couldn’t do it without them. Many remarked that for their father’s generation it would have been inconceivable for them to have attended their children’s births.
Yet, when I had asked for fathers who had opted not to attend the birth of their children, not one male came forward, while up to a dozen were willing to relay the positive experiences they had when they did attend.
How, then, have we gone from a society where labour wards were no-go areas for fathers a little over a generation ago, to one where it is now almost socially unacceptable for a father not to be present at the birth of their children? Is there now undue pressure on men to attend during childbirth?
Several years ago, obstetrician Michel Odent prompted a certain amount of comment when he suggested that men should be excluded from attending births, because their presence hindered the labour process. Odent, who helped popularise water births in the 1970s, felt that highly stressed men prevented women from having as natural and calm a birth as possible, and could actually stop the release of oxytocin, the key hormone in childbirth.
Dr Joanne Cannon, a paediatric doctor based in Derbyshire, believes there is now undue pressure on fathers to be present in the delivery room and that personal preferences may often be suppressed by an overriding social conclusion. Post-1970s, she argues, men have been encouraged to be present in delivery rooms, and that move has now led to an assumption that men are going to be present.
“For men who want to opt out of being there, it is uncomfortable,” she says. “They are often not presented with a choice. I have seen men very uncomfortable in the delivery room and it alters the dynamic. You are in there trying to create a calm atmosphere and if the partner feels anxious, the mother will as well.”
So what should a father’s role be during childbirth? A lot depends on the personalities involved, and so it can vary between him being an outlet for anger and frustration to providing vital emotional and physical support.
Some of those who got in touch told stories about men not quite fitting in during delivery. One man recalled how he heard a thud from an adjoining birthing suite while his wife was in labour. This was followed by a female voice screaming, “Get him outta here, he is no use to me.” It later transpired that the husband had fainted.
One woman felt that fathers were better staying away from the process, as they often ended up being traumatised by it. “Take your best friend in instead,” she added.
Writer Maria Duffy thinks men should be present, adding, “Unless they’re going to pass out, they should be there – even if it’s just for us to scream at!” while Eoghan O’Leary, who was at the birth of his four children, says, “It’s the sense of helplessness that is the stronger emotion topped only by fear.”
There is little doubt the situation regarding men and the labour ward has changed dramatically, but it’s unclear whether this change has been a help or a hindrance. Nor is it clear what role men should be playing.
“Medically, men can’t do anything to help,” says Cannon. “I’ve seen men going to a C-section and finding themselves in theatre looking terrified. If your wife or partner wants you there, then men can play a supportive role, but this should be talked about in advance and not left to chance. It is quite a shocking thing to see a baby born – beautiful but shocking – and men should be able to feel like they can leave if they want to.”
BEING THERE: 'I FELT LIKE A SPARE PART'
Derek Bain is a 44-year-old father of two based in Dublin. He was present at the birth of both his children, and his first experience was to accompany his wife, Eleanor, into theatre when an emergency C-section was performed.
"I think it benefited Eleanor me being there," he says. "It is an incredibly helpless experience. There is nothing you can do to influence circumstances. In an environment where people were trying to do their job, I felt like a spare part. If I was a surgeon, I wouldn't want people hanging around the operating theatre."
Bain says that even though there was little he could do to assist the process, he had no hesitation in being present. "Eleanor wanted me there. But if you took my father's generation, they wouldn't have been present at the birth of any of their children."
While the social expectations have now changed, Bain makes the point that it is unhelpful to associate presence during childbirth with emotional attachment towards fatherhood. "You are now considered very strange if you aren't there, whereas 20 years ago it would have been very strange if you were there," he says.
"But I don't believe for a moment that fathers 20 years ago had any less of an emotional attachment to their wives or children."
