Being diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 21 made Janice O'Connor grow up quickly. The former hairdresser, who was diagnosed last year and had one ovary removed, has set up Just Say Cancer, in Cork. It's a support group for cancer sufferers, aged 18-30.
O’Connor says she used to be “the wild one at parties. I loved laughing; I never took anything seriously. But now, I feel like I take everything seriously.” She has a seven-year window in which to have children before her other ovary and uterus are removed for cancer-preventative reasons. She and her partner, Roy O’Herlihy, still hope to have a family. But she says she is not putting herself under any major pressure.
Her main focus at the moment is the support group, which is a branch of the Girls' Club, a cancer support group for women directly or indirectly affected by the disease. It was established by Ann Dowley-Spillane in 2011.
Just Say Cancer shares the St Paul’s Avenue premises with the Girls’ Club. The property belongs to St Peter and Paul’s Church in Cork city and is being rented for a modest sum by the Girls’ Club – which relies on donations and fundraisers.
What is striking about the space, close to the city centre, is how peaceful and quiet it is. In the large livingroom, there are several comfortable sofas, coffee tables and a large fish tank.
There is no radio or television intruding with grim news. The space is an oasis of calm, functioning as a drop-in centre.
There is a counselling room as well as treatment rooms where counsellors and holistic therapists give of their time and expertise, free of charge. Nine counsellors and eight holistic therapists each give three hours to the centre every week.
A wig and scarf bank offers women undergoing chemotherapy free wigs, many of which were donated after a call went out on RTÉ Radio a few years ago. A beautician gives women advice on make-up.
But O’Connor, who developed depression and anxiety after her illness, felt that while the Girls’ Club does great work, there was a need for a support group for young adults, male and female, affected by cancer.
Taboo
The name of the group addresses “how people try to go around the word ‘cancer’. There’s a need to lift the taboo. People don’t like to talk about it, just like suicide and mental health issues.”
O’Connor felt an acute need for support. “During treatment, I was in a kind of bubble. The tiredness was unbelievable. Afterwards, I felt as if I was just dropped back into life. My hospital appointments were every three months. I felt I was expected to pick up where I left off. But I couldn’t.
“For months after my treatment ended, I spent the majority of them in my bedroom, in my pyjamas, in my own house. I didn’t want to leave the house. I started to feel uncomfortable around my friends. I developed a really bad problem with anxiety and depression which I never had before.
“I was always a very confident and talkative person. But I felt that I lost everything I knew about myself and I didn’t know who I was anymore.”
Although recommended by her GP to attend counselling sessions in St Mary's Orthopaedic Hospital, she says it wasn't for her. "There were older people there who were depressed but it wasn't cancer-related."
A psychiatrist prescribed antidepressants “but I never actually picked up the prescription. My body had been pumped with so much medication that I didn’t want any more. I stayed at home and researched online to see if there was anywhere I could go.
"All that came up was Arc House but the group there was older than me. I remembered that Ann Dowley-Spillane had added me on to her Facebook page and my aunt had gone to the Girls' Club.
“After having a really frightening panic attack, I contacted Ann and she spoke to me for an hour on the phone. She told me to drop in to the club for a cup of tea. I did that and I told her that there was a need for a support group for young people with so many being diagnosed with cancer.”
Dowley-Spillane agreed and said she would support O’Connor’s plan. “From the start, I said we needed to get a lad onboard. It wasn’t just going to be for girls, chatting.
"Men don't normally talk about their emotions. I wanted to draw men in. A few weeks later, Charlie Crowley joined. He is 25 and is being treated for cancer. He is the man's voice while I'm the woman's voice. We spent every Monday since September planning the group and we launched it on December 4th."
Memories
O’Connor, who was let go from her hairdressing job before her diagnosis, is interested in studying counselling. She does not want to return to her former career, because she has bad memories of losing her hair as a result of chemotherapy. Her thick hair has grown back and she is embarking on a new phase of her life.
She feels that “cancer is after mapping out my life, definitely my 20s. Because I’ve got only a short few years to have children, I want to do that first so I’m going to hold off on college. I got the all-clear from the hospital to start trying for a child.”
She says that having cancer means “everyone treats you differently and looks at you differently. A lot of people who have cancer don’t want anyone to know. But the way I see it, it happened. It’s part of my story, my life. It’s great if you can share your story and help someone out.”
And while O’Connor says her experience has made her very serious, she is beginning to enjoy life again. “We plan to have ‘chill and chat’ nights every Friday. When you’re going through treatment for cancer, you can’t drink. The rest of your friends are out on Friday nights. Weekends are what young people live for. So we’re going to watch movies on Fridays in our film-screening room.”
Being with her old friends has its difficulties. “You feel you’re the pity of the group. But in here, nobody is considered a pity. Everyone has their own story to tell. They know what it feels like [to have cancer].”
O’Connor’s cancer was signposted by an abnormal cyst on her ovary that ruptured. “Thank God the cancer was in only one area. The doctors said that if I had left it any longer, it would have gone into the second stage. The rupture, in a way, was a blessing because ovarian cancer is silent.”
She was tested at Our Lady’s Children’s Hospital in Crumlin to see if she had a mutation of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene. Fortunately, O’Connor tested negative, meaning she didn’t have to have her womb and breasts removed immediately. Nor is there any history of ovarian cancer in her family.
But O’Connor lives with the fear of cancer returning. However, counselling has taught her that she can’t change her past and can’t determine what is going to happen in the future. She tries to live in the moment and also make plans.
And she is not sticking to small ones, as well as hoping to have a family, she plans to climb Kilimanjaro next August. thegirlsclubcork.ie
