I had not heard of feminazis for some time until I saw the term in a tweet recently. I think the phrase used was “jackbooted feminazis” which is how it is usually put. Feminazis need their jackboots in order to be able to stamp on men when they get angry with us, which is always.
I began to wonder if I had ever knowingly met any feminazis. After all, I worked for The Irish Times, so I would have encountered all sorts of liberal types. Therefore, one might have expected to encounter the odd feminazi within its hallowed walls.
But I couldn't think of any. Lots of feminists, yes: and I would include myself as a feminist. But the only female I ever met who was both obnoxious and a feminist wasn't working for The Irish Times, and from what I know of the individual she was obnoxious from birth and the feminist part came later on.
And women I have come across who behaved viciously towards men – deliberately messing up access arrangements, for example – did not display any obviously feminist behaviour.
When I looked at the research, I found that feminist women don’t just not conform to feminazi stereotypes; they actually upend them.
For instance, one piece of research from the US – the home of the feminazi stereotype – found that feminist women are more likely to be in romantic relationships with men than women who are not feminists.
And men whose female partners are feminist report more satisfying relationships than men whose female partners are not, according to the study at Rutgers University.
Another study, at the University of Mary Washington, found that feminists are more indulgent of their children than non-feminists. They are more likely to build their own schedule around the child’s needs, for instance.
Non-feminist women in the study assumed that feminists were less interested in their kids than the non-feminists themselves. But that was not the reality.
Danger of stereotypes
I don’t know what the explanation is for these differences, but they underline the danger of stereotypes and how very, very far they can keep us from the truth.
With the electorate voting Yes to same-sex marriage, it is very easy to assume that a sea-change has taken place in our attitude to gay people.
I wonder, though. I watched a comedian prancing about the other night doing various camp gay men jokes, none of which you could say displayed a prejudice or, by any stretch of the imagination, could be said to constitute an incitement to hatred.
Yet it struck me that the stereotyped presentation of gay people in comedy is often no different than it was in the days when being gay was something to conceal.
Then I wondered what it must be like for boys who have come to the conclusion that they are gay to watch this sort of comic act.
I imagine it would make them cringe, and want to hide away.
Three stages
According to one theory, gay people often move through three stages. The first is shame, when they find it hard to accept this fact about themselves; after all, they may well have arrived in their teens with the same stereotypes about gay people as society in general. The second is overcompensation, when the gay person tries to be the very best at whatever field he or she is in.
And the third is integration, when the fact of being gay is no big deal and the person can get on with his or her life.
Many people never get to that third stage and some never get out of the first.
Comedy is still stuck in the first stage. If it had moved to the third stage – the “being gay is no big deal” stage – there wouldn’t be anything to joke about.
Comedians should ruffle feathers and even offend. But some of them use stereotypes that hurt real people, and I wish they’d reflect on that. pomorain@yahoo.com
Padraig O'Morain is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His latest book is Mindfulness for Worriers. His mindfulness newsletter is free by email.