There's never a bad time to visit Hawaii, as Ian O'Riordan discovers on a trip to the home of 'Lost', 'Hawaii Five-O' and all those visitors who just couldn't face leaving
Joni Mitchell has a song in which she mentions paving over paradise and putting up a parking lot. She wrote it 35 years ago, and I discovered only recently she was singing about Hawaii. I used to think that was the best line in the song, but now I like the other one: about not knowing what you've got until it's gone.
Walking in the lush mountains behind Honolulu. Experiencing the most perfect climate known to mankind. Facing the steep volcanic slopes or long stretches of ocean that leave you smiling in your sleep. Those things felt like the perfect paradise to me. And now it's gone alright, if not lost.
There are lots of cars in Hawaii, particularly in Honolulu. It's possibly the worst case of automotive cultural damage I have seen outside Los Angeles. But the only problem I had with Hawaii is what Hunter S. Thompson liked to call the Curse of Lono. Maybe it's because I didn't know how good it was until it was gone, or maybe because I've been heavily cursed by Lono, but as long as the sun comes up, I know I'll have to return to Hawaii.
Captain Cook could have warned me. When he chanced upon these eight islands back in 1778, he quickly realised he was on to a good thing. His arrival also coincided with the festival of Lono, one of the four main gods of the old Hawaiian religion. At first the locals believed Cook was the god reincarnated, and showered him with gifts. Later, they got suspicious when he overstayed his visit. When he reappeared for a third time within a year, they decided he should meet a bloody end. So there is a history of getting too fond of Hawaii. There's a whole sub-section of the population of people who visited on vacation and never went home.
Most of the fondness for Hawaii is based on the climate. There's never a bad time to visit; it's pleasant all year round. Rainfall varies greatly between the islands, but for the three weeks I was there in December, it rained twice - both were heavy downpours that lasted about an hour. The temperature is nearly always in the mid-80s, with only mild humidity. Lono obviously had great power in Hawaiian heaven.
Oahu - the first stop on most visits to the eight islands collectively known as Hawaii - has only 600 square miles of land, but I spent large parts of each day in a daze: "Wow, I don't believe it." You can lie on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world (Hawaii claims a few of them), with volcanic mountains of dense greenery as a backdrop. An hour's drive takes you to the surfer's paradise on the North Shore. And at last count, Oahu had 37 golf courses.
For some visitors, Honolulu is merely a doorway to the south of the city and the hotels that line Waikiki beach. Anyone who remembers Hawaii Five-O will know the scene. Waikiki was the world's first ocean playground. You get the surfers mixing with the sun-worshippers, killing another lazy afternoon, and later digging toes into the sand to savour Waikiki's brilliant orange sunsets.
There's a stretch of shore on Waikiki known as Canoe's, and if you can't surf there, you can't surf anywhere. Rent a board for the afternoon, but don't embarrass yourself by screaming hysterically when you catch the first wave.
The place to stay on Waikiki is the Hilton Hawaiian Village. First opened in 1955, it has grown into the largest hotel on the island, with 3,432 rooms in six towers. The 22-acre property is the largest non-gaming resort in the US, and yet no room is further than a short stroll to the warm Pacific shoreline. No wonder Elvis used to stay here.
The complex has 18 restaurants, and they all serve Irish soda bread. That's because it's also home to one of the friendliest faces on the island, Noel Trainor. When he left his native Belfast in 1971, the only thing Trainor knew about Hawaii was that it was a long way away (11,600km or 7,200 miles, to be exact). Now he's come as far as you can go in the hotel business, arriving at the Hilton in 1984 via Jersey, Switzerland and Bermuda. From entry-level, he has worked his way up to become general manager.
"Of course I never imagined myself in this position," he told me. "And it's a long way from growing up in Ardoyne with very little. But every job I've done to get here, I wanted to do the best I could. When I started out as a waiter, I wanted to be the best waiter there was. I treat this job the same way. But I haven't forgotten where I came from, because one of the things I do now is make sure I give something back to the community in Honolulu. I know I got that from growing up in Belfast."
I thought about what Trainor said a few times afterwards, about being the best at what you do, because it's hard to get a grip on that in Hawaii. Staring out at the waves or watching the thin clouds disappear in the afternoon does great damage to the attention span, and doesn't ignite ambition. Hawaii sings of idleness. Maybe that's all part of the Curse of Lono.
There are no great old ruins or temples to visit here, but you can't help but feel the mystery of the place all the same. There are parts of Hawaii that are very mysterious, such as the damp mountains of the Waianae Range, where the TV series Lost is filmed. But there is real history to be experienced at the USS Arizona, the sunken memorial in Pearl Harbour where the 1,177 crew remain forever entombed after the Japanese bombing that jolted the US into the second World War. Despite a couple of efforts to get there, I drifted instead to Diamond Head crater, still struggling to get my head around the view. Later, someone told me that you can't go all the way to Hawaii and not visit Pearl Harbour. Now there's a reason to go back. To hell with the Curse of Lono. .
Getting there: There are no direct flights from Dublin to Hawaii, so the best route is via New York or Los Angeles. Continental and Delta Air Lines do some of the better fares, starting from around €900.
Where to stay: Waikiki boasts 34,000 hotel rooms, 450 restaurants, 350 bars and clubs, and more shops than you can count. Rent a car or Jeep for a few days, and everywhere else on the island is within an hour's drive. Bus fares around the island are $2.
Cost: Hotel rates vary greatly, from the budget Waikiki Hostel (rooms from $42) to the Hilton (which starts at $300). The vast range of restaurants around Waikiki cater for every pocket, with the majority being cheaper than Dublin.
Don't miss: The North Shore for surfing, the east shoreline of Kailua Beach for windsurfing, and the turquoise waters of Hanauma Bay for snorkelling.
Drink: A Mai Tai, the fresh fruit-flavoured cocktail mixed with lots of rum. Or else a Chi Chi, a simple ice-blended mix of pineapple, coconut and vodka.
Other islands: If you get tired of Oahu, Hawaiian and Aloha Airlines have daily flights to Lihue (on Kauai), Kahului (on Maui) and Kona and Hilo (both on the Big Island).