As it's my migratory season, this column comes winging from de Costa, laden with the joys of being abroad. Therefore, no handy manuals on burst pipes or troublesome tenants.
There's something about sitting in the sun that lends itself to impaired faculties, a variation on amnesia tribulanis, which afflicts Irish politicians, usually at the door of a tribunal enquiring into "certain planning matters". As with them, my mind clouds over and normal faculties are put on hold, intensified by current prophecies on interest rates.
I loved the reaction of a certain property madam, from her terrace after the first pink gin of the morning: "Never read 'em, dear - only gets in the way of enjoying m'eself."
I wished the gurus from the banks and building societies had been passing below, to have their ego dampened with the impact of her risibility. Why is it, dear reader, that I have the image of a tossed piss-pot upon a man in a suit with a degree in economics who works for an estate agent or building society? Is it because so many "research reports" in recent months have been mutually self-cancelling. Prices will increase by X or Y. Prices will decrease by X or Y. Rents are static, according to a particular company or have increased by 2 per cent, according to another. A leading stockbroker says investment in Dublin property will not repay the mortgage loan. Odd that, until I look at the research (!) and find the tiny sample is drawn from Dublin 4 and 6, probably the least representative parts of the city.
Most letting properties are in Clondalkin, Clonee, Dundrum, Mulhuddart, Blanchardstown, Lucan, Leixlip and a dozen other settlements which are within the commuter belt of the capital. So to warn of "static rents", based upon returns from Dublin 4 and 6, is a bit like predicting it will rain in Spain, based on the weather forecast for Ireland.
I am in Spain, it's not raining and I don't know any landlord who, by choice, has been in receipt of static rents for the past year or two.
The "report" was issued by a stockbroker, a profession keen to lure funds from SSIAs, which another "report" tells us, are already destined for property investment. This latter was issued by a life insurance company (sorry, financial services corp) about to pay out millions in maturing SSIAs and which, surprise, surprise, is currently promoting property investment, as a way of holding onto accumulated capital, due for disbursement in a few weeks.
And don't you love the way they have your best interests at heart by "providing the opportunity to continue the saving habit". No thanks, mate, I'm taking the dosh, to encourage me in the habit of sitting in the sun. Also, to get away from the deluge of reports and statistics, sufficient to wallpaper any of the midget apartments now commanding obscene prices in many parts of Dublin - and only marginally less in the regions.
Wallpaper thus mounted will provide highly fallible property research for future generations - a great phrase of the moment - to give understanding of the current building mania which is blighting this once green and pleasant land.
Most of it good, especially in the derelict areas of town and cities. Did you ever imagine a flat in Sheriff Street would go for €320,000 - and more? The shoddy urban environment is being rebuilt with the speed of a jack-hammer. I did say this green and pleasant land. Have you been in Clifden, Cliffs of Moher or Liscannor? Be prepared then, to be visually assaulted, violated in your sense of what this country was - but no longer is. Of course, there is a price for everything. Oddly enough, I don't recall any "research" predicting that mess.
