Co Kildare: from €1.1m The last phase of houses and apartments at the Ladycastle scheme in the K Club hits the market tomorrow, writes Michael Parsons
Need tickets for the Ryder Cup? Step right this way. The final phase of the K Club's Ladycastle development of apartments and houses is launching today and each comes with a pair of tickets for the golf world's big bash in September.
Dave Barry, the American humorist, once quipped: "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing." Not at the K Club it ain't. As well as having the neck to wear a Lyle & Scott Val Doonican-style diamond-pattern lambswool, you need a lot of brass to get in here.
A great deal of hype surrounds the K Club - a stately pleasure-dome which our very own Kubla Khan, Michael Smurfit, did decree. The unlikely location for this latter day Xanadu is the Co Kildare village of Straffan, close to Celbridge and Maynooth, hitherto known for its Steam Museum and Butterfly Farm.
The local "big house", built in the 19th century after a French chateau, was once home to, among others, the Barton family (of vineyard fame), an Iranian general and Patrick Gallagher. It was bought by the Jefferson Smurfit Group in 1988.
The K Club today is a country resort on 550 acres featuring a luxury hotel (incorporating the old Straffan House), two golf courses and the inevitable "luxury" spa and is owned privately by Michael Smurfit and Gerry Gannon.
Like other swanky golf clubs (Wentworth, Mount Juliet, La Manga), the K Club has developed some of its land for residential property. Churchfields consists of about 20 "one-off houses" which are owned by some of the richest people in the country. A second, gated development called Ladycastle, built by Menolly Homes, numbers 47 detached houses and 36 apartments.
These are generally not "full-time" residences. Most have already been bought as second, or even third and fourth homes, by Irish buyers (about 70 per cent, with 20 per cent British-owned) and are used primarily as golf lodges. They fit neatly into what Frank Fahey would call "a portfolio".
The final remaining units at Ladycastle are being launched today and are ready to move into. The cheapest (sorry, entry-level) apartment will set you back €1.1 million and the most expensive house costs €3.5 million. Annual service charges for each property range from €5,000 to €12,000 and annual dues for the golf club are €6,950 (men) and €3,475 (women).
The houses, all detached, are rather close together, like those on Wisteria Lane - though without the wisteria. Fear not. The GNP of Austria is currently being spent on landscaping - so all in good time. While formidable electronic gates and security systems shield residents from the outside world, there is not as much privacy within as you might expect. Still, you're unlikely to have neighbours from hell or much anti-social behaviour - with late-night noise limited to back-and-thigh-slapping after a round with the lads, the tinkling of John Rocha crystal or the agreeable "bling" sound emitted when heavy jewellery is subjected to sudden movement.
There are three house styles still available: the "Fanynn", a 204sq m (2,200sq ft) three-bed for €2 million; the "Tyrconnell", a 318sq m (3,425sq ft) four-bed with garage for €2.75 million; and, for €3.5 million, the "Smurfit", a 353sq m (3,800sq ft) four-bed with "reverse living" (live upstairs, sleep below) and a large terrace with views over the golf course - though not the one on which Tiger will prowl. That's a stroll away through the estate to the separate Arnold Palmer course.
You might be wondering if these houses are a good investment?" Is Michael McDowell tough on crime? When Ladycastle was launched last summer, the price of the "Smurfit" house was €3.3 million - which means it has risen by about €20,000 per month since June 2005.
There are two apartment types still available: a ground floor 113sq m (1,215sq ft) two-bed for €1.1 million; and a 145sq m (1,565sq ft) duplex with two bedrooms and study for €1.65 million.
The prices of both houses and apartments include sumptuous fittings, décor and furnishings which can be adapted to personal taste. One insider said: "Nothing has been left to chance. Clients will say: 'I saw this or that in Aspen or Courcheval or Sandy Lane' and then tell the designers what they want." The electronic gadgetry will have men grinning like Kilkenny cats who've slipped into an Avonmore creamery. You can, via the web, raise the blinds or adjust the thermostat on the Eurocave wine cellar from the deck of your yacht while moored off Aruba.
Is that the sound of tut-tutting from sushi-socialists? Thinking "how vulgar and nouveau riche, and doesn't every Seán, Liam and DJ, not to mention every parvenu builder and property developer in the country, have a house there?"
Well, of course they do. And, of course, it's vulgar, and way over the top, and reeking of "new money". But isn't it great? And it sure as hell beats the lard out of "old money" shivering in a Georgian pile, with a leaking roof, dog hair all over the Chesterfield and the cricket commentary droning away on Radio 4.
A word of advice. If you're already planning to go "just for a gawk", don't bother. It's not that you won't be treated with immense courtesy by affable agent John Bosco French but you'll only get upset and return home wanting to completely renovate your own house. And you can't get a builder for love or money these days. Apparently, they're all gone golf mad. (Viewing is by appointment only, starts tomorrow and continues on Saturday)
