Straight from the Ministry for What Will They Think of Next? comes the Monopoly Christmas helpline. Yes, you heard right. A fully staffed holiday helpline from games maker Hasbro to support you and your ingrate relatives and friends when the Christmas board game hell unfolds.
It turns out the toymaker carried out a survey - super scientific obviously - and discovered that 51 per cent of games at Christmas end in a fight. Surely anyone over the age of 6 could have told them that, and 51 per cent seems suspiciously low. Varied reasons given for Monopoly fuelled rage included people making up the rules, smug winners, players snapping up property they don’t need and you want, and players miscounting their move deliberately. Hmmm… it’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.
Anyway, fear not, Hasbro has announced it will be operating a hotline from Christmas Eve to St Stephen’s Day between 9am and 10pm offering mediation on any game based arguments.
Craig Wilkins, marketing director of Hasbro UK & Ireland said: "We'll have experts on hand with the official rulebooks to instantly settle any disputes, and advice on how to resolve common complaints, with each person also having the opportunity to make a donation to Childline when they call."
Just a thought, but Mr Wilkins could be well advised to put a little greater clarity on the term “common complaints”. It could be a minefield of pent-up Christmas angst scantily clad in Monopoly rule queries. “I’m not sure Uncle Cedric was entitled to buy on Shrewsbury, and he has a history of grabbing land that isn’t rightfully his you know...”
It may seem like a shameless publicity stunt but credit where it’s due to Hasbro. It may just be the greatest Christmas gift we never thought we needed. Why stop there? Isn’t it time we opened a national conversation about other holiday Helplines that are surely long overdue. Make way for the Where’s the start of the Sellotape helpline?; Which one of the treelights isn’t working helpline?; Where have all the hazel whirls gone helpline?; Will they ever go home helpline?
Meanwhile all game-based conundrums can be addressed to the UK Monopoly Hotline on 0044 800 689 4903. It’s a real thing. We rang the number.
Post-holiday helpline closure helpline anyone?
