Builders know every excuse in the book, but how can people insulate themselves from the sob stories that leave building jobs in limbo?

SOMEBODY should compile a book called The A-Z of Builders' Excuses. By excuses I mean the tall tales that some builders tell so they can disappear for a while and there's very little you can say. Now, nearly three months after the agreed finish date of a minor renovation job, and with very little hair left to tear out, I reckon I've probably heard just about every excuse in the book.

These include the unexpected return of a family member from Australia and the death of a relative (whereupon he vanished for a week because it fell upon him to make the funeral arrangements and he, presumably, was too consumed with grief to contact us to let us know). The litany continued until the only excuse outstanding is alien abduction; and it seemed it was only a matter of time before he would try that one, too.

Another favourite explanation for his absences was that he was in his workshop toiling over our kitchen. We were expecting a showpiece fit for Áras an Uachtaráin and were slightly perturbed when, four months into the job, he’d only managed to fit a few carcasses because he’d run out of money to buy the doors. When we explained we had already paid for the kitchen and that the next payment wasn’t due until completion of the job, he looked wounded and incredulous that we would question his integrity.

When I told colleagues about it, nearly every one of them had a dodgy builder story. One said that when she was getting an extension built some years ago, her builder attended three funerals over the course of a project so fraught with problems she reckons it’s no coincidence her hair went grey.

Dermot Jewell of the National Consumer Association has heard all the excuses: “I’m the best man at a wedding, and it’s abroad. Oh, did I forget to mention I won’t be here for the next few weeks?”; “The child is ill”; or “The mother-in-law/ grandmother in England has passed away.”

“And what you really want to say to them is, ‘Okay, where’s the job?’,” says Jewell.

Employment in the construction sector has fallen by 60 per cent in less than three years, which means builders are less likely to swing the lead or disappear to another job but incredibly it still happens. His advice is to hold back some money and use it as leverage.

“In the case of small builders, they often have to go and look at other jobs and some will be honest and say that’s what they’re doing. Some people will appreciate the honesty and won’t object as long as they don’t miss the agreed finish date. Some builders may even agree to a penalty clause which says that for every day they go over the deadline, money is deducted off the bill.”

He says it’s amazing how many people don’t put written contracts in place at the start of a job. “As a nation we’re very affable, we trust people, the builder makes promises and everything sounds fantastic. We might ask for pictures of their work, but won’t necessarily speak to previous customers . Too much is taken on trust.”

Onlinetradesmen.ie recently found, in a survey, there’s been a rise of black-market operators which presumably has meant that property owners who hire them will find it impossible to get anything in writing. If you can’t pin a builder down by way of a contract, you open yourself up to being taken for a ride. Ted Laverty of onlinetradesmen.ie says some builders hark back to the old classics when they are planning to disappear for a while, “such as a family member is sick or that they have to go to a funeral. They play the sympathy card, and it’s hard to argue with it.

“You get guys who have only qualified in the last 10 to 15 years and know nothing about customer service because if they lost one customer,there was always another one waiting. But they are in the minority and there are two sides to every story. “

Meanwhile our renovation job remains unfinished and the builder has returned from a lost weekend with yet another tale of woe, pledging that he’ll finish the job by Friday. We’ve heard it all before but are wondering if, after all, a builder in the house is worth two at a funeral.