How to free yourself from your phone. There’s a golden rule

Why is it so hard to put down my phone?

Well, because it’s a tiny, portable supercomputer that connects you to infinite information. And you can snoop on your ex, what’s not to like?

It feels like it’s taking over my life

Nonsense. Without Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp, you would be bored senseless. How else are you going to find out how Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker are taking their love to the next level, that Stillorgan Decor is having a "Flash Sale!" or that the McNultys in No 7 have lost their cat?

What the phub?

Yes, “phub”, or “phubbing” actually. It means snubbing a person in favour of your phone, psychologists say. Studies show phubbing decreases relationship satisfaction and contributes to feelings of depression and alienation.

Sorry, what did you say? Paul Reid just tweeted. . .

Sounds like you're addicted. Irish people check their phones 55 times a day, according to research from Deloitte. More than half of us feel we use our phones excessively. And this was before the pandemic. Problematic usage has been linked to depression, anxiety, stress, poor sleep and relationship problems. Many of us have lost control of our screen time, feel distress when we can't access our device and are neglecting our real lives, according to research by King's College London. No time to cook, exercise or meet a friend? Too distracted to read a book or watch a movie? Maybe your phone is to blame.

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Save me from myself!

Keeping us hooked is deliberately designed into many apps, so you’ll have to get tough, says neuroscientist and performance psychologist Brian Pennie. Just like social media’s “pull to refresh” mechanism keeps us scrolling for hours, we’re stuck in a habit loop too.

“It’s about the trigger, the behaviour and the consequence,” says Pennie. The trigger could be a moment of free time, the behaviour is to reach for your phone and the consequence is that little hit of dopamine you get when Dympna, who you last saw on your J1 in Nantucket in 1992 likes a pic of your dinner.

“Behaviour that is rewarded is repeated,” says Pennie. So when an idle moment triggers you to browse, do something else that’s rewarding. In a supermarket queue, it could be some mindful breathing that leaves you feeling zen. After dinner, instead of scrolling, go for a walk. “The reward is you will feel less stressed, anxious or bored. The golden rule of habit change is to replace the problematic behaviour with a positive routine.”

Frankly, a walk isn’t as rewarding. . .

Then remove the temptation. Put your phone in the other room, leave it in the car. Removing it will help you change your behaviour, says Pennie. So what if you are two hours late to Simon Harris’s TikTok? Or download (another!) app, like Freedom to limit your social media time. What gets measured gets managed. Or go cold turkey by deleting apps, only reinstating those that score eight or more out of 10 in the value they bring to your life. How you spend your hours and days is how you spend your life. Think about the opportunity cost. It’s not not knowing what happened to the McNulty’s cat.