Quentin Fottrellon what's going up and what's going down this week.
GOING UP
The three RsRenovating, re-upholstering and repainting, the alternative to moving house. Remember A Woman's Touch from Calamity Jane? That - with knobs on.
Switching table settingsYou can make a dinner party more bearable by playing fast-and-loose with a few table settings. It should encourage you to get there early, too.
Keeping receiptsSome gifts needs returning, so why didn't we make life easier and keep the receipts? So much rotten food in the bin to root through. Why? Why?
Whistle and be gayDon't drive yourself sick with worry. Whistle a ditty as you pass the Human Resources department, just like you do when you walk by a graveyard.
New catchphrases"Recession? What recession?" Say it as you walk into a crowded pub, shop or restaurant. It gets really annoying after a while, which is part of the fun.
GOING DOWN
Telemarketers"May I speak to the person in charge of the phone bill?" Click! "I'm sorry to call you on a Sunday morning." You should be. Click! Bloody! Click!
The scarf loopFirst girls did the fey loop-through, then gay men were at it, now straight guys are following suit. We're over it! The traditional wrap-and-tuck is back.
Irish schelebritiesEspecially those who say, "I'm very guarded around journalists". Then why go to meeja events? You're not Elizabeth Taylor. Get. Over. Yourself.
GymsWe mull over the spinning classes, but have a jacuzzi followed by a packet of Taytos instead. And what's with guys wearing sweaty woollen beanies on treadmills?
Teenage tressesThe Donald Trump-Bay City Rollers comb-over for girls and Punk-Mullet over-styled look for boys remind us of chickens mid-plucking. Fire the stylist!