What's hot and what's not
WHAT'S HOT
ForagingMultiple sightings in our forests last weekend of people cluthing bags of wild garlic; the makings of yummy – and free – soup
The new Alec BaldwinSlimmer in the latest series of 30 Rock. And he was gorgeous before he lost two stone by giving up sugar and dairy. Be still our beating hearts . . .
BumsThe female bottom is back in fashion. We blame Kim Kardashian. Straight men everywhere are rejoicing
Queen ElizabethA poster girl for the elderly, the British monarch turns 86 today and is looking great
Auction of a lifetimeIf you missed it, the televised sale of Elizabeth Taylor's jewellery and memorabilia is repeated on Channel 4 on Wednesday, 9pm
The mini CrunchieBuy them by the bag- full in the supermarket. Repent at leisure
Madhur JaffreyThe ultimate Spice Girl returns to TV on the Good Food channel. Time to start crushing that coriander seed . . . delicious
ArtichokesDelicious steamed and served with real butter and fleur de sel – get 'em while they're in season
WHAT’S COLD
Mummy PornHonestly all the fuss over bondage 'n bonk writer EL James is hype gone mad. And it's boring
EvictionsComing to a YouTube screen near you from South Co Dublin
Ageing actorsKristin Scott Thomas is playing Ryan Gosling's mother in a film to be released next year. God, we feel old
Simon CowellNo gentleman after all, allegedly detailing his sexual relationship with Dannii Minogue
UmbrellasIt's no fun getting caught without one, but just think of the pedestrians caught in the wake of your determination to stay dry
New Kids on the BlockWe don't know who they're trying to kid, but there's very little that's new about these "kids"