Harley Davidson's Electra Glide may look like an unmanageable weight, but it's a well-balanced powerhouse, writes Tom Robert
'JUST REMEMBER one thing," said Ricky at the dealers. "Never, ever park it facing downhill."
"Why - because it'll roll over the sidestand and fall down?" I asked, looking at the Electra Glide and using my astonishing mental superpowers to calculate that at 375kgs, the chances of me lifting it upright again without the help of a team of sumo wrestlers who happened to be passing were approximately zero.
"No, because the first time I rode one, I went out one Friday night to pick up some pizzas. Parked on a slope outside the pizza place, swaggered in wearing leather jacket and shades and thinking I was possibly the coolest dude on the planet, picked up the six pizzas, popped them in the top box then spent half an hour trying to haul the bike back off the stand, with me getting more red-faced and sweaty by the minute and everyone in the pizza place laughing at me.
"And quite right, too," he said, handing me the keys with that evil grin he has.
I looked at the bike again. The heaviest Harley I'd ever ridden was the Road King, which was about 40kgs, or half a person, lighter.
And I'd dumped it on a Donegal lane after stalling it in second gear on a steep hairpin.
And the only other knowledge I had of Electra Glides was the film Electra Glide in Blue, where US motorcycle cop Big John Wintergreen gets slightly killed by a shotgun-wielding hippy at the end.
Things were not looking good.
I waited until Ricky had walked back into the shop, and swung my leg over the bike. It felt like being put in charge of the space shuttle.
In front of me were a row of buttons to control the CD player, radio, cruise control, intercom and probably the hot tub, if I'd known which button to press.
Behind me was enough luggage room to house the entire population of Albania, along with their livestock.
I hit the starter button, and that familiar sound, like two flatulent hippos making love underwater, filled the afternoon air as I rode gingerly towards the first corner, leaned and proceeded around it with an air of majesty.
Hey, this was easy. What on earth was I worrying about?
Nothing, that was the answer. The Glide may well weigh as much as a small elephant, but it's such a well-balanced beast that not once over the next few days did I feel in danger of adopting the rarely-used horizontal motorcycling position. And that included a sharp right turn uphill on gravel at walking pace.
The secret, to quote the Eagles song that I was playing as I headed home, is to take it easy.
This is a bike for proceeding along at a gentlemanly pace, listening to your favourite songs on the monumental sound system, sweeping smoothly around corners and proceeding towards the horizon, waving at cheery housewives and awestruck farm boys as you go.
It is also the most comfortable bike on the planet, with that big screen, upright riding position, armchair-like seats and perfect visibility in all directions producing a ride so relaxing that it's all you can do not to set the cruise control, put your feet up on the tank and nod off after telling the bike to wake you up when you get there.
Not that all of this means it's a big wuss: there's enough torque in that whopping V-twin to fling you away from the traffic lights faster than virtually anything short of a Ferrari, and to make overtaking a doddle.
Even filtering past slow-moving traffic isn't a problem - probably because any driver looking in their rear-view mirror thinks the Star Destroyer is on their heels and immediately pulls over to let you pass.
I speak from experience, since I took the Harley up to the North West 200 through wall-to-wall traffic with a bunch of mates on a Kawasaki Ninja, Triumph American, Honda Transalp and Kawasaki GTR 1400, and kept up with all of them.
Er, well except Colin on the Ninja, and he wasn't enjoying the unique experience of riding along with a smile on his face listening to Classic FM.
Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries, naturally.
Engine:twin cam 88 air-cooled fuel-injected
45° V-twin; 1584cc; compression ratio: 8.81; bore stroke: 95.3
x 101.6; torque: 110.0Nm @ 3100rpm
Exhaust system:crossover duals
Fuel capacity:18.9 litres; primary drive:
Double-row chain; final drive: Kevlar belt
Overall length:2500mm; seat height: 692mm; ground
clearance: 129.9mm; wheelbase: 1611.6mm; dry weight: 375kg; lean
angles: 30° left / 32° right
Instruments:Electronic speedo with odometer and
resettable trip meter. Tacho, fuel gauge, low fuel light, oil
pressure light, voltmeter, clock (in stereo), oil pressure gauge,
ambient temperature, 40-watt sound system with handlebar and remote
passenger controls, intercom, cruise control, cigarette lighter,
oil pressure indicator light, engine diagnostic light, optional
security system light
Price:€29,280 (test bike £16,995 from
Provincewide Harley-Davidson, Antrim) Dublin dealers Dublin
Harley-Davidson, Ballymount;
www.dublinharley-davidson.com