BIKE TEST:I'VE FINALLY worked out what KTM stands for: Keep Throttle at Maximum.
Yes, like English public schoolboys in the good old days, these are bikes that respond best to a damned good thrashing, not to mention cold showers before breakfast.
I know, because I was the man standing in one of those cold showers, looking grimly at the sky and wondering again why I didn't live in California.
Ah yes, because to paraphrase Raymond Chandler, the only culture there is yoghurt, I thought, looking again at the 690 Duke, and thinking how much I wasn't looking forward to riding it.
As you may remember, when I rode its bigger brother, the 990 Super Duke, it spluttered and stuttered and moaned so much below 4,000rpm that I thought there was a fuel delivery problem.
But no. As the dealer, Phillip McCallen, pointed out, this was a bike that liked to be in a particular power band, and hated to be out of it.
In the words of the man McCallen raced against for years, the late Joey Dunlop, you needed to keep her lit.
Still, although the 990 turned out to be a bucketload of fun, I never really got to see the point of a big bike that had so little torque in low revs that it acted more like a 125 on amphetamines.
So, no, I wasn't looking forward to riding the 690, which I thought was going to be even more twitchy and temperamental than the 990.
Well, I would like to say this to all the chaps at the KTM factory: how wrong can you be?
For a start, the engine is a minor miracle in itself: the most powerful street-legal single cylinder motor on the planet, it pumps out an astonishing 64bhp. So astonishing, in fact, that I had to stop down the road and check under the tank to make sure that there weren't several cylinders down there, all snuggling together to stay out of the rain.
But no, there was only one, working its heart out.
And why wouldn't it, since it's connected to a slipper clutch which must be the smoothest thing to come out of Austria since sachertorte with extra cream?
Even better, although this is still a bike that likes to be kept above 3,000rpm, below that it's actually smoother than the 990, especially if you use the third of the three modes available.
The first reduces the power by 30 per cent and is handy for getting to know the bike, especially in the rain, when you can easily spin the rear wheel by an over-enthusiastic application of right hand on take-off.
The middle one is punchy and aggressive, and would suit your average lunatic who likes sliding all over the place in a field of his choosing.
But I found that the third was the perfect compromise for everyday road use, combining perfect levels of "oomph" and manageability.
As for the engine, those of you who have ridden ancient single-cylinder designs like the Royal Enfield Bullet, which manages a mere 22bhp from 500cc, will be constantly in awe of the power the Duke produces from a pot the size of a small Oktoberfest beer stein.
Add WP suspension, Brembo brakes and light weight, and you've got a machine that goes like stink, stops just as well and can be flick-flacked through corners faster than you can say: "Wow, that was fun."
Just one word of warning, boys: at anything above 6,000rpm, a strange vibration set in through the seat which results in a ticklish sensation in all sorts of funny places.
So much so, in fact, that I got a very strange look from the traffic policeman at the next set of lights when I could no longer resist the temptation to scratch.
Still, at least the cell is warm and dry, and I hope to be out by Friday.
Factfile KTM 690 Duke
Engine:654cc, single cylinder; 62-64bhp @ 7,500rpm
Transmission:six-speed, chain drive
Top speed: 122mph
Weight:148kg
Seat height:865-910mm
Tank capacity:13.5 litres
Price:€9,250.
Price in Northern Ireland:£6,195. (Test bike supplied by Phillip McCallen, Lurgan; phillipmccallen.com)