All new car buyers to recite five decades of the rosary

EMISSIONS: New car buyers should be applauded, not punished – least of all by God, writes KILIAN DOYLE

EMISSIONS:New car buyers should be applauded, not punished – least of all by God, writes KILIAN DOYLE

I WAS ON the train the other day, unashamedly eavesdropping on two youngwans opposite me. They were blathering about all manner of girlie guff and giving me great silent gigglage.

Eventually, one turned to the other and announced, in all seriousness, that she wouldn’t buy a new car in the current economic climate because of the “stigmata”.

My eyebrows lifted. For a second there, I half thought manufacturers of new cars had started embedding their steering wheels with nails. Why wasn’t I told? No wonder nobody’s buying them.

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“Don’t be bleedin’ ridiculous,” said her mate, obviously the brains of the operation. “If ye’ve gorrit, flaunt it, dat’s what I say.”

Then it I dawned on me that she obviously meant stigma. An easy mistake to make. My apologies for ever doubting you, Lil’ Miss Zeitgeist, for you are right on the button.

It’s a sad truth for the motor industry that there really are lots of consciences being wracked these days among Ireland’s limited pool of potential car buyers.

The dismal sales figures, down by more than two-thirds on last year, would suggest many are putting off buying as a result of their soul-searching.

But why should this be?

Presumably, many think it would be vulgar to drive a brand new car, when all around are losing their jobs. This is just silly. The streets are still full of SUVs. How vulgar would your new hatchback have to be to stand out in that sea of tawdry boorishness?

Still, I can understand why people don’t want to be seen to be rubbing their prosperity in the noses of the less fortunate. But did they never think that their stance, however noble it may be, could actually be making things worse?

Let’s look at the economics. This grand little country is up to its oxters in financial trouble. There are a lot of reasons for this, not least the plummeting levels of consumer confidence.

The whole joint is riddled with fear. Even people with little or nothing to be afraid of financially, who are probably far better off than they were six months ago due to falling interest rates and prices, are terrified to spend a bent penny.

We in the media have to hold our hands up and take some responsibility for this. Good news doesn’t sell newspapers. It’s the doom and gloom that shifts shedloads.

And what happens when people won’t spend? The whole system grinds to a halt. Businesses go to the wire and people get laid off.

Even before their lost income taxes are taken into account, each extra person on the dole costs the State the guts of €20,000 a year. To be able to afford to pay this, the Government has to cut services and raise taxes on everyone else who still has a job.

Therefore, by not spending, you are in effect costing yourself the money that you think you’re saving. And thousands of people get to experience the misery and indignity of a life lived on handouts.

Now, I know real economists are scoffing condescendingly into their cappuccinos while reading this simplistic view. I don’t care.

I’m the first to admit my grasp of high finance isn’t the tightest – which goes a long way towards explaining why I’ll never be in a position to buy a new car myself.

But I don’t begrudge anyone who is. I reckon the logical thing if you have the money and want to buy a new car is to go and do it. Now. You’ll be doing the country a favour.

Rather than pointing and scowling, the rest of us should be cheering you on.

But don’t go pulling up in it outside the local dole office and flinging wads of fivers out the window. For then you’d definitely deserve the stigmata.

Indeed, I’d come and drive the spikes through your hands myself.