It is time to recall the great American satirist H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956). He is best remembered for his observation that the relationship between a journalist and a politician should be the same as that between a dog and a lamp-post.
But in the 1920s as he was trying to park his car, he encountered the new phenomenon called a traffic cop. And when he found out he could no longer park his car exactly where he wanted, he simply drove to the next garage, sold the car and never bought another one.
Few of us are so extreme in our reactions, but by now, parking has become a huge worry. Rents of €10,000 are paid for daytime-only parking spaces, and many of those who bought Section 23 apartments in inner city locations are part-funding the mortgage by leasing the parking.
Last June, the AA figure for parking and garaging was £2,080 (€2,643.59) per year.
Most people know most of the rules, but for those facing the new theory test, remember there are seven categories of parking restriction: one - no parking or stopping during hours indicated on time plate for clearways and bus lanes (clearway restrictions supersede all other parking restrictions); two - on double yellow lines no parking is allowed at any time except while actively loading/unloading for a maximum of 30 minutes; three - on single yellow lines no parking is allowed during hours indicated on the time plate (usually 7.00 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday to Saturday), except while actively loading/unloading for a maximum of 30 minutes; four - for loading bays/disabled parking bay, no parking is allowed at any time except where a valid disabled persons parking permit is displayed in the vehicle (these permits are issued by the Irish Wheelchair Association and the Disabled Drivers Association and include a photograph and signature of the holder - disabled drivers with a disabled parking permit have free parking in designated disabled parking areas within the City Council area); five - cycle tracks operate all 24 hours unless otherwise indicated on a time plate (a solid white line indicates a mandatory cycle track and vehicles other than a cycle and mechanically-propelled wheelchair may not use a mandatory cycle track, while a broken white line indicates a non-mandatory cycle track where no parking is allowed except while actively loading/unloading for a maximum of 30 minutes); six - a vehicle cannot be driven or parked in a pedestrian area during the period indicated on the time plate; seven - parking is not allowed at any time at taxi ranks or bus stops.
Other parking restrictions: It is illegal to park in a way that interferes with traffic flow or obstructs or endangers other road users. For example, on a footpath (either partly or wholly); within five metres of a junction; within 15 metres of the approach side or five metres on the other side of a pedestrian crossing or traffic lights; obstructing any entrance for vehicles except with the occupier's consent; at a school entrance; on a grass margin or median strip.
Even at that, there are many calls for further restriction. Car owners want to see current loading regulations tightened up, especially for brewery trucks, so that all goods deliveries will be finished before the morning rush-hour. But that presumes that drivers and store personnel can be found who are willing to work shift hours.
Equally, some taxi ranks are seldom used. The one at Eden Quay is an example. Sadly, that won't help you if you're caught parking there.
For on-street parking, the days are gone when you asked the secretary to feed the hungry meter while you're at a meeting. The new print and display ticket meters can even specify which parking bay the ticket is valid for, and stop any time overlaps. The law is that a vehicle must be removed when the maximum time allowed for parking (usually three hours) expires and it cannot be parked again on the same street within an hour of its removal.
There is, however, the concession that all pay and display ticket machines re-open at 8 p.m. to accept prepayment for up to the first three hours in the next chargeable period, normally the next morning, so you can sleep easily.
If things go bad and you find yourself with a clamped vehicle, you're at a distinct disadvantage if you haven't got a mobile phone and a credit card.
You first have to find a working phone, and the coins to insert therein, and then enough cash to get the chariot unclamped. You must phone the Parking Shop on 01-6022500 to arrange release. The fee is €81.25 (£65), and the clamp should be released within the hour.
And if you have the ultimate unfortunate uplifting experience of having the car taken to the pound, it's probably going to take a couple of hours to get back on the road. And since the pound is now down in the docklands, there is no real public transport, so you have a taxi fare to pay as well.
If you want to appeal the penalty, you must write formally to Control Plus (the clamping and towing contractors) at P.O. Box 6391, Dublin 2. You will get a decision within 21 days. A further appeal can be made to an independent arbitrator for a final decision.
For disabled drivers, there are special easy access slots in the major off-street car-parks. In addition, there are more than 60 locations in Dublin city where there are dedicated bays for disabled drivers. When parking, remember that disabled drivers need extra room at the back and sides to allow them to get a wheelchair in and out of the car.
Also, if parking behind a vehicle with a ramp, make sure to leave enough space to allow the ramp to be used.
If you live in an area which has disc parking for residents, you can download the application forms from www.dublincorp.ie/traffic. A private house can get up to four residential parking permits. If the building is in flats or apartments, the limit is one per housing unit. Fees were set at £20 (€25.39) for one year and £35 (€44.44) for two years, with a £20 (€25.39) replacement fee for lost permits.
Most people are familiar with the indicator boards which show parking availability in the city centre. This information is also available from the website. If you have a travelling companion with a laptop and Internet connection, you can get up-to-date information.
Minibuses up to 12 seats are allowed use the on-street pay and display bays. Bigger buses must use special areas like the one at Nassau Street. There are 13 such designated areas within the city, and the map is available on the website. Beware: it's upside down to normal, with the southern boundary at the top.
Charges under pay and display are rated in five different categories, allowing eight, 10, 12 or 24 minutes per unit. The fifth category, Residual, allows 15 minutes. These are colour coded yellow, red, green orange and blue. Yellow has a Sunday parking charge in some zones from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m.
For visitors with caravans or motor-caravans, there is a special overnight park at Corcagh Park, just beyond Newlands Cross on the N7 Cork to Limerick road. There is a bus service from the gate and several budget hotels nearby.