Everything but wheels

MERCHANDISING:  The MINI merchandise under the "fun" column on www.miniusa

MERCHANDISING:  The MINI merchandise under the "fun" column on www.miniusa.com has a "MINI Adventure Tool" which comprises a compass, flashlight, thermometer, signal mirror and whistle, on a string you can tie around your neck. For the time your MINI leaves you lost, dark and cold, stranded and in need of calling for help?

Or how about an engine valve stem from a Ferrari F1 engine, encased in a block of plastic, a handy spare part at €150? They must be making the engine too reliable, and have loads of unused spares that they have to recycle somehow.

Same thing with a Ferrari brakepad - they'll sell you one at the same price to use as a paperweight.

A Champions League Ford Ear Radio is a tidy little thing that clips onto your ear so you can keep track of the scores in the other games as you roar at your own local team from the grandstands. Hands-free so you can wave your fists when they make a bags of it.

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And you could completely dress yourself from a Renault display cabinet, with everything from heavy-duty parkas through jumpers, shirts, ties, socks and a dress watch . . . many of them with the Renault name only visible on the inside tag. Quality is great, but they forgot to put in the fire-proof Nomex underwear!