The agony, the anguish, not much ecstasy . . . for parting is such sweet sorrow, particularly if it takes too long. Brian Byrne on how to end a very special relationship and make the most of it
You have lived with her, loved her, gone through good times and bad, rain and sunshine with her, but now, inevitably as in all relationships, the time has come to part.
And being generous of spirit, you want her next partner to meet her in the best light possible.
Liar. You simply want to get the best possible price for your old motor on the trade-in or straight private sale. So it's time to take an honest appraisal of your car and "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative".
First off, the cosmetics. A good wash is the first thing, followed by a decent bit of waxing once you have decided what you wish to do with any scratches and dings revealed by the hose spray.
This decision will be influenced by the extent of any damage and the cost of repair, and whether any of it can be dealt with by your own DIY skills.
You will often find a little tin of paint in the glovebox, or in the boot of your car, which is an exact match for touching up light scrapes.
If it has gone AWOL, the actual colour of your car will be found, name and number, either on a plate under the bonnet (such as with Nissan), on the door pillar (like Volkswagen) or in the boot. Then go along to your marque's dealer, or a good accessory shop, and you will get a match. How steady is your hand, though?
A messy touch-up can be worse than no touch-up at all. DIY repair kits to fill deeper gouges in your metalwork can be useful if you have some (successful) experience of home decorating. But take on board the perception a botched job will give.
At the very least, any cracked or broken lights covers must be replaced, because it makes an amazing difference to the overall look of a car.
If you seem to have been careless about replacing these simple things, any buyer might well feel that you have been just as careless about more serious things as well.
Now is also the time to sort any missing or askew decorations, such as chrome or plastic protective strips, and badges.
On the inside, provided there's nothing severely worn or damaged, a really good clean-up is the next essential. Consider paying a valeting specialist to do it if the car's not a banger. In any case pay close attention to such things as cleaning the ashtray if you are a smoker.
Most owners will have put in mats in the early years of their cars, and in your case they might be fairly tatty now. So, an investment in a new set is worthwhile. The extra cost of those branded by your car maker might well be a good consideration, as it also indicates someone who has pride in their car.
It's NOT a good idea to put in new rubbers on the pedals, unless the old ones are in shreds. Some potential buyers will wonder what kind of wear and tear you are trying to hide.
Remember the boot. It should be as clean as possible and any grotty carpet should be replaced. You should also clear the boot of all the bits and bobs that gather in the course of normal use. That cardboard box you keep there for carrying home the organic potatoes is not really of interest to the young first-step-of-the-ladder accounts clerk who is looking at your motor.
While in there, check out the spare wheel area. Make sure there is a wheel, that it's properly inflated, and that all the required tools and jack are in their proper places. Again, it's all right to have them lying around the place, but then we are back to that carelessness perception again.
Get a friend to sit in and operate all the lights and indicators while you walk around the car. It comes as a constant surprise the number of people with missing headlights and dead brakelight bulbs, despite the NCT.
Which brings us to the mechanics. If your pride and joy has passed a recent NCT check, we can take it the basic mechanisms are up to scratch, or at least reasonably so.
But a potential buyer will also be looking at upcoming normal replacement items, such as tyres, bits for the exhaust system, maybe the odd fanbelt (which is hard to find under the bonnet these days).
If tyres, in particular, are heading for the limit, an outlay of €250 or so for a new set certainly might bring in a bit more than that in a private sale. Good tyres certainly enhance the look of any car.
You may never have lifted the bonnet in these days of extended service intervals. But do take a look. Run a damp disposable cloth over the engine and engine compartment to remove any dust. However, do NOT try to clean off any wax covering using solvents and the like - while it might look scruffy to you, the wax is there for important waterproofing reasons.
It may be that your car has a number of extra accessories which you have paid for, such as air conditioning, a sun-roof, maybe snazzy wheelcovers, possibly leathers on the steering wheel and the gearstick. Have no illusions: they will not make an iota of difference in a trade-in.
It's the year and condition of the car that will decide the pric. However, if you're making a private sale, write yourself a list of all the extras, with their approximate value, so you can refer to them during the sales negotiations. Be aware that in Ireland, strangely, more perceived value is put on a sunroof than on air conditioning, and you will not find it a real value-adder.
Now, assuming the car has been prepared as well as you are going to make it, there are a couple of things you should do before bringing it around the car lots or putting in the newspaper adverts.
Do some homework on the asking prices for cars like yours, in both the private classifieds and the advertisements. This will give some kind of range on what you should be seeking. In terms of a trade-in, deduct about 10-15 per cent from the advertised sale prices. Selling the car privately might get you to within 5 per cent of the same prices.
Make sure you have the registration documentation with you when touring the potential customers, so you can clearly show ownership and numbers of owners.
However, do NOT hand over any such documentation until cheques are cleared. And remember: the onus is on YOU to notify the registration authorities that you have sold the car, by filling in the relevant part of the transfer form and sending it in.
Avoid the time wasters by quizzing potential buyers on whether they have the money ready to buy your car and whether they have checked out insurance quotations. Particularly if you are lucky enough to own a rare or expensive car you will often find people who just want to get a free drive in your car. Try to qualify a caller's credentials over the phone.
Anybody with an interest in buying will want a test drive. If it is a garage salesman, he will be covered by his company's insurance. A private buyer is a different matter, and if your own insurance does not allow for "open driving", make sure he can produce a current certificate from his existing car, which will usually cover him or her driving a car "that is not their own", but probably only on third party cover.
If they do not have cover, and yours does not cover them, any test "driving" by them will have to be in the passenger seat. Make no exceptions. This is particularly important if you are selling a powerful car and they are used to driving a Mini Metro. Even with insurance you may not want to let them rip up the road in a way that could kill you and them, whether they have insurance or not.
If insurance is okay, be sure you accompany them on any trip. You can allow the prospective purchasers to choose the route, but if they begin driving the daylights out of the car, just ask them to stop, switch places, and tell them you think too much of the old girl to allow them have her.
When it comes to haggling, do so from the strength of your homework and a clear knowledge of what you HONESTLY figure your car is worth. Do not be afraid of shaking your head, and feigning an end to the negotiations, opening the door of the car, and getting in... slowly.
With trade-ins, insist on knowing exactly how much the dealer is paying for your car, how much is the exact price of what he's selling you, and do not allow yourself be bamboozled by a monthly repayments figure that tells you nothing of the foregoing.
All we can do now is wish you the best of luck. Do not get too down at the imminent departure of the loved one. If it hangs around too long it may give you grounds for far more tears...