Justin Hynes goes on an imaginary Christmas shopping rampage with motoring types in mind.
Christmas is coming, geese across this fair land are bulking up. It's time to drop some judicious hints about gifts or do some research depending on your status as giver or givee.
Which naturally segues neatly into a potted guide to a few bits and pieces that might make a motorist's list of stocking fillers this year - and not a drop of Turtle Wax or a chamois to be found anywhere.
Instead, in this age of draconian speed control measures, some may turn to the growing market for beat-the-speed-trap gadgets. Suffice to say, nobody at Motors endorses speeding, but with the burgeoning market for such devices, you can't ignore their existence. Most involve a bounce-back laser device which returns the signal from speed guns making it difficult for anyone aiming one of those devices to get an accurate reading. We like to believe owners will simply use them to moderate their speed when faced with a laser gun.
The cost of these range from the cheap and cheerful, at €119, for which you get something like Whistler 1710, a budget dashmount radar/laser detector to the all-singing, all-dancing ultimate behemoth of a speed gun destroyer, the Bel Europa 966R. This beast, dubbed "the Rolls Royce of radar detectors" needs a trumpet fanfare with dry ice by way of introduction, mainly due to price - at €689 is a tad on the prohibitive side.
Then there's the Crashmate, designed to protect you in an accident. Included in the kit are, variously, a disposable camera, a tape measure, third-party information forms, police information forms, some more forms (this is the insurance industry after all), some pre-drawn road layouts, and useful tips and reminders from insurance industry professionals.
Crashmate's manufacturer Tony Carroll of Safe Motor Products admits that a pack containing a camera and a notebook is "is not exactly rocket science" but adds that the advantage lies in the manner in which it takes care of the claim process.
"Where we really score is in the 36-page guide that's really the main part of the package. That's the key. It takes you through the entire process of what to do in the event of an accident and is based on the experience of insurance people, solicitors and on what people in general felt they were unsure of when an accident occurs.
"Obviously you'd need to read that and familiarise yourself with that, but even if you're not totally up to speed on it the pack has a simple six-step plan, points to guide you through the process."
Crashmate is available from Safe Motor Products for €29.99 including VAT and P&P from their website.
If gadgets aren't your thing, what about sitting in front of the TV on Christmas afternoon, avoiding Willy Wonka, and slapping the latest DVD from Top Gear doyen Jeremy Clarkson. This one has an appropriately Clarksonesque title in "Hot Metal", which clues you into the idea that Jezzer hasn't made an hour-long guide to getting the best out of your 1958 Austin A40 Farina.
Nope, he gets wistful about overblown sports cars of the past. He bemoans the loss of Concorde, the lack of pacy fighter jets in today's modern warfare world of stealth bombers and drives a bunch of supercars (XJ220, Zonda, F40 etc) at silly speeds.
Or how about Clarkson machine-gunning a Nissan in a new wheeze called "Clay Car Shooting". Is there no end to the man's gifts. It's £20. Maybe Willy Wonka after all.
Being more sensible, a new DVD aims at passing your driving test, learning correct road procedure and etiquette and boning up on driving skills. Bridgestone's Driving for Life is brought to you by RTÉ motoring journalist Michael Sheridan, and Tony Toner, who has over 20 years experience with the Garda as a driving instructor.
The DVD is divided into chapters and takes you through the whole process of getting your test, and, if you've gone past that stage, of perfecting your skills on a range of road types. Shot on location in Ireland, it's tailor-made for Irish drivers - €24.95 at Tescos and major record stores.
In the printed word Formula One fans are, as always, well served. The Complete Encyclopedia of Formula One (by Bruce Jones, Carlton Books £25) is a potted history with plenty of lavish photography and information on great drivers, races, circuits.
For diehard fans, how about Guardian writer Alan Henry's biography of BAR star Jenson Button. Hard to believe someone of 24 tender years could have a biography penned about them but if you've succumbed to Button-mania then this might be for you. £15.99 Haynes.
On a more regular theme, LK Setright's Drive On is a fascinating treatise on the social history of the motor car. More philosophical pondering than analytical treatise, it's a good book for dipping. £12, Granta.
With the fast and furious or just annoyingly teenage in mind . . . For your fantastically cool 106 with a body kit designed to best use the huge power from the 1-litre engine, how about an in-car DVD system. Some of your modified car enthusiasts are happy enough to Sellotape a Gameboy to the dash of their hand-painted 91 Micras but serious fast and furious types won't be content until they're watching Boyz N the Hood in widescreen.
Sony's 10 CD DVD autochanger will take care of your music and movie needs. Techstore.ie can supply it to your for €1,209. But you'll still need a screen to watch your movies on. A flush fit screen, the type that will fit into a dash or perhaps the back of a seat can be done for around €725 plus VAT. A better bet than having to install several of these is to go for a single drop-down wide screen that can be viewed by all passengers - but this will set you back €1,329 plus VAT.