Ryanair supremo Michael O'Leary caused quite a stir last week with the revelations that he'd bought himself a taxi licence in order to avail of the bus lanes and dodge Dublin's traffic.
Much as the man's public persona grates like fingernails down a blackboard, you've got to hand it to him. It appears this crafty fellow has set up a taxi company with himself as the sole client. He probably gets tax breaks for putting the cost of the licence down as a business expense.
Okay, so technically, his cab is obliged under law to pull over and pick up anyone who hails it. But we all know that'll never happen. Even if it did, Lord save anyone who actually got in. First of all he'd bore them into catatonic submission with his incessant prattle about how he's being victimised by the Government and how he's single-handedly saving the "Irish" from holidays in Rosslare. Not to mention the fact that his CD player would be blaring "Hail to the Chief" on permanent repeat.
And finally, he'd lose their bags and leave them in some miserable industrial estate 25 miles from where they actually wanted to go, forcing them to get a bus full of drunk rugby supporters the rest of the way.
Taxi-drivers' unions said he was "giving the two fingers" to the rest of us. "It's morally wrong for a car to be masquerading as a taxi," one big cheese said. (No mention of it being morally wrong for a taxi-driver to be masquerading as someone providing a reliable, value-for-money public service, mind.)
But then again, it's not like Michael will be using the taxi for drug-running, money-laundering, or to sexually assault passengers as other taxi-drivers have been convicted of in the not-so-distant past.
Still, much as I admire anyone who can tick off the taxi unions, I have to agree with them on this one. O'Leary and his ilk are just classic examples of the Irish nouveau riche thinking they're better than the rest of us. This has to be nipped in the bud or he'll put taxi plates on his planes and start landing them on O'Connell Street or the M50.
What's next? It's only a matter of time before some other multi-millionaire buys himself or herself an underfunded public hospital or school and locks its doors to the masses.
I can't imagine the Government is too pleased with Mick. For one, they'll be none too impressed if their chauffeur-driven Mercedes gets stuck behind his as they're rushing up a bus lane to some "national emergency", such as the fourth race in Fairyhouse or the opening of another off-licence.
But second, and most importantly, he and the other ghost taxis expose the chinks in its (supposedly) finely-crafted deregulation legislation. More holes than a pre-election manifesto, so it has. How people can be allowed to buy licences for private use or, worse still, secure one without having their criminal proclivities fully explored, is beyond me.
Anyway, aul' Mr Brennan, as I'm sure you're itching for payback on the Mullingar Mogul, I'd just like to spark your imagination with the little-known fact that Australian taxi-drivers are legally bound to wear their company's regulation uniform when on duty or face hefty fines, and possibly even lose their licence. Three words: air hostess outfit. You do the maths.
But, that said, I'm wasting my breath, aren't I? It's patently obvious to you, me and anyone else familiar with Michael O'Leary that he couldn't care less what anyone thinks of him. Being forced to wear an air hostess outfit wouldn't faze him in the slightest. As long as the public keeps buying plane tickets, I reckon he'd happily wear a wedding dress and diver's helmet all day, every day.