Kilian Doylespies on those sorting out the problems of the nation at a bus stop.
- DERE'S DE man. How're you?
- Ah, good morning. Long time no see. How have you been?
- Arra, ye know yerself. Same ol' same ol'. Though I've been havin' a giggle to meself about yer man Gaybo an' his rant over de four delusions of youngfella drivers.
- I heard tell of that. Can't say I disagree with him.
- Nah, me neither. But I was tinking he may have been havin' a sly dig at dem gombeens in Fianna Fáil.
- How so?
- Well, aren't dat shower deluded demselves? Don't dey tink dey're immortal, invulnerable and dat bad tings only happen to other peeple?
- I see where you are going with this. But what about Gay's fourth delusion - that they think their driving skills matched that of Formula One drivers?
- Oh, dat's just Burtee's driver durin' election time. Speakin' o' which, whaddya tink o' Burtee an' Biffo? I see yer man Noel Dempsey moved in sharp ta rule himself outta runnin' for Teeshock. I've more chance o' bein' de Pope. Deluded, I tells ye.
- I thought that amusing, I must admit.
- An' did ye hear de latest banter abou' Dempsey mebbe gettin' promoted from Transport to Finance? Sure dat's mental talk.
- Can't agree with you on that. Things are going to be tough in Finance now. Cowen is leaving just as the economy is beginning to fall apart. Rising unemployment, unstable interest rates and lower exchequer returns mean it will be needing a strong arm to support it. Why not Dempsey's? Granted, he's not Taoiseach material, but has he not got a proven track record and a wealth of experience?
- Yer kiddin' me man, righ'? Didn' he leave that galoot Cullen wit' dat electric votin' shambles an' make a hames of de provo driving licences and Aer Lingus? What abou' Transport 21? 2121 is it? They'll have all de new roads an' buses an' whatever else yer havin' in place just in time fer de oil to run out.
- But is Dempsey not a close ally of Cowen's?
- What does Cowen need allies fer? Not a wan of dem gutless chickens in FF opposed him. No wonder he tinks he's immortal.
- But you have to give Demspey some credit. Did he not sort out the driving test mess? It appears they're going to meet their targets after all.
- True, I'll give him dat. Best thing about it is dat yer man Doyle in de Irish Timespromised to eat his hat if dey did it. He must be fuming.
- I seem to remember he'd made himself a hat of leftover Christmas ham, just in case. A porkpie, wasn't it? I imagine it must be fairly putrid by now.
- He'll have ta get his aul wan ta make him a humble pie instead. Hope he chokes on it.
- Indeed. So you haven't said who you'd like to get the Finance job.
- Whaddabou' yer wan from Donegal?
- Mary Coughlan?
- De very one. Mad hair, but Jaysus, she's a safe pair o' hands on her. Didn't she keep foot an' mout' outta Irelan' de last time de Sasanach got it? Sure, yer man Dempsey can't even keep his foot out of his own mout'.
- That was impressive, it must be said. But what else has she done?
- Hasn't she kept angry muckers at bay as Minister for Agriculture for years? Like a Kerry farmer, she's outstanding in her own field. Geddit?
- Ah, yes, very droll. You may well be on to something there. Well, here's my bus. As always, can't say I agree with you on everything, but it's been a pleasure nonetheless.
- Jaysus, gawan outta dat. Now yer sounding like Burtee . . .